Gajar Ka Halwa

1ngredients:

Gajaar (carrots)
Milkmaid/sugar
Cashew nuts
Raisins
Almonds
White oil
Choti Elaichi
Milk
Ghee

Grate the gajjar (carrots), squeeze the water out. Fry the gajjar in white oil, add chotti elaichi. Add a cup of milk and keep stirring till milk thickens and the entire mixture becomes pasty. Add milk maid (half a tin, taste and see if more is needed) then add cashew nuts and raisins. Add a spoonful of ghee. Before serving sprinkle almonds broken into smaller pieces. Your gajjar ka halwa is ready.

No I am not turning me blog into a food blog. Yes, I learned how to make gajjar ka halwa recently and it came out really yummy. But primarily the reason why I am writing a post on gajjar ka halwa is because our life is like Gajjar ka halwa.

No dont scratch your head yet. Let me explain. One look at the ingredients and you know the outcome is bound to be good irrespective of the order in which you place them together. Think about it, the carrots needs to be grated and reduced to shreds for it to bring out the typical flavor. The ghee needs to be melted to add to the rich aroma, the milk maid blends in to made it taste heavenly. So is life. Life is made of a lot of things, we analyze and dissect life only when things go downhill, but essentially life is full of wonderful things added in right proportion. Imagine what it would be like if you were to add more milkmaid than prescribed? Even though it tastes heavenly, too much of it makes you feel giddy. If elaichi is chewed upon it gives a bitter taste otherwise it adds to the rich smell of the  dish.

Life is not easy... no one said it would be. Sometimes its bitchy, stabs you on your back, rapes your emotions and makes your existence seem like a sham. But then a little bit of positive attitude, will power with dallops of confidence can be worthy companions in the darkest hour. If you let life get the better of you, you may sink with no hopes of surviving. So make most of the opportunities that life brings your way and use every ingredient of life to suit you in the best way possible!!

Life is what you make it... you give it a chance and it rescues you right back.

Happy New Year!!

This Year That Was...

Keeping my tradition of writing "This year that was", I write down the events that made me, broke me, scarred me and I believe made me stronger.

For the first time since I left college, I felt I was living a life I had always dreamed of professionally. I felt strong independent and I was surrounded by friends with whom I connected like a dream. I laughed, I drank galleons of coffee, made CCD richer, laughed some more and felt the pain of loving someone tearing me apart. I traveled a lot, wrote passionately, read avidly, missed tremendously, loved fiercely, lived resiliently. Until my perfect world came crashing down, panic, fear and longing for the loved one made me uproot myself, from friends, from a place which was my second home. The moment I reached this new place which has took me in readily, I knew the mistake I had committed but then there was no turning back.. The more I struggled.. more I was sucked into the quicksand and since then I have never really managed to make my way out.

Highlights

I know there are a million things gone bad this year but there were a few things that made me feel happy and made me smile and I'd rather recount the many blessings.

• I found an amazing friend in my colleague Sreeranjini. People at work tried to separate us, played petty politics but we stuck it through and when it was time for me to go, I guess I realized just how close we had become over the months and those millions mugs of coffee we drank till it became an addiction.
• Srimoyee- She is one of my best friends. We know each other since the first day of school in KG. We have always been close friends, but this year we both found solace in each other, gave strength to each other and together we fought out our battles, tried hard to stay afloat, encouraged each other and kept fighting as depression and ill-luck tried to pull us down.
• My brother (cousin) got married. His marriage brought the entire family close and I came closer to the brother whom I have always loved dearly but family strife always kept us away. My sis in law kinda cemented our bond and kept us closer.
• My niece (Roshni) became my close friend. She was and will always be my baby but somewhere she had grown up and took up her place as a friend, where she would ask, admonish and be there for me just like my friends would. Of course the child in her would surface every time she would find out that I have been out without her and having fun irrespective of the fact that I am several thousand miles away from her. I am still her territory whom she is unwilling to share with anyone.
• Vaidehi- she understood, supported, scolded and knocked some sense in me each time I was under the weather. Though we could manage to meet up this year, the longing to meet has kept us together. Been almost a year and a half since we left college but the bond just got stronger in time.
• Shubhankar- He is my lodestar. Words cannot summarize just what he means to me. He has, he is and will always remain the one person I can run to when the world comes crashing down. My rock, my friend and my guide, he is indispensable!!

Lessons

• No one in life is perfect. Perfection is a myth. It is important to grow out of childhood notions of perfect love, perfect love of life, perfect relationship or face the consequences of it when it breaks.
•  Its good to be impulsive if you are responsible enough to deal with whatever happens as a consequence.
• There are some relationships which you must let go, no matter how much you love or try once the trust is lost there is no point in struggling to keep things going. It may not be easy but it is the only way.
• Give your love wholeheartedly but be prepared to have your heart broken.
• There will not be a soul when you need some comforting, if you are lucky then the loved ones are there. It does not make them bad people but humans. So be self sufficient and face the problem.
• The best things about you is YOU

Hopes and prayers for the New Year

• More strength to deal with whatever comes my way
• To allow the head to rule over the heart
• To have the life I have always wanted
• To stand up for myself and do the right thing
• To let go and start afresh

Wishing you a very Happy New Year! May this year bring you lots of happiness, love and prosperity galore!! 

Reflections!

As journalists we are taught to look beyond the obvious. To hear the muted voices... to critically analyze, to first be apprehensive and then judge for yourself what we want to believe, what we must believe. The sad part of the deal is IIJNM with their esteemed faculty does not practice what they preach. they may be stalwarts in their profession but they fail to put into application what they want us all to adopt in life.

Sometimes we are so busy trying to do the right that we forget to stop and analyze if we ourselves are doing the right thing. i wonder if it occurs to people or it even matters to them, if they are being fair to people? i know it matters to me if im being fair or if im doing the right thing. like my roommates can be insensitive enough to talk in loud voices disturbing my much needed sleep (which is giving me a hard time!) i try and ensure i don't make any noise when im up and about and others are still sleeping. many tell me, its tit for tat, but i like to do what i think as right. i would rather be in my world where i will weave happiness into my day to day life, to breed positivity rather than going out of my way to prove a point. No im not trying to be saintly here. but it matters that im being fair or not. most others i think care not. they don't want to look beyond whats obvious, to think what the other person would have said to a particular issue if given a chance. to hear whats not being said, to analyze what the silences could mean...

Something like that happened to me yesterday, i chose to keep to my silences. they say silence is golden but now im beginning to wonder if it is? maybe one must resort to vices to pave your way ahead... maybe its the only way...but until i can transform myself, and distort my reality and be someone i am not... i guess i will have a lot more to survive and lot more injustices to brave through...

Life is all about perception and a bit of critical thinking! Something which most of us lack. and maybe it will be a good thing if we try and apply at least some of it in our lives, because our actions, our views or mindset can affect someone and that may and may not be fair at all.

Mid sem Review!!

Yesterday we had mid sem reviews in college. and i got the biggest shock of my life. and i realized how true all that was spoken to me was "i needed a life" i have been too stressed about how best to get a job, how to perform great each time, how not to make mistakes, to diligently do my work; that i had forgotten to breathe to take it easy.

And that is exactly i was told among other things of course. i have this way of piling things on me. and i let the burden of responsibilities that is on me get better of me and my work suffered and it showed the stress i am putting on myself. maybe Kanchan[vise Dean] was right, i need to forgive myself, to tell myself i can make mistakes, to allow space for mistakes. yes the technical bit i need to work harder but on the whole i need to relax and take it easy without piling on.

The worse part of it all was, i had a nervous breakdown during the mid sem review, nothing could be more humiliating and embarrassing. maybe its time i have to stop being hard on myself. its time to review myself and set my priorities straight.

Introspection

Kolkata experienced the beginning of the monsoons with the cyclone ‘aila’ yeah right that’s precicely what most of us felt like when the news greeted us first thing in the morning. It was a destructively beautiful day, with strong gusts of wind stormed through the entire house, windows slammed and ambience was punctuated with regular breaking of glass and yells. It was an ominously exciting experience. When i went out in the late afternoon despite the warnings from Met department what i saw struck me with awe, destruction reigned, trees uprooted, people were dead and yet life seemed to go one even when the rains poured relentlessly. And how symbolic it was it reflected the storm that raged within me. Someone who loves the rain, these few days will be all that I will ever be able to experience from now on.

Preparations are on at home, with lists made and all, there is a strange finality in the air. Like ma exclaims, that she feels like she is marrying me off forever, and in a way it is so true. Once I leave chances of coming back to the city is so remote that I am rather unnerved by it all. Yes this is a dream of a lifetime, I wont back down or give it up but I know it is feat that would squeeze everything out me, it scares me. I have never stayed away from home for a long period of time and everytime I am away from familiar things I feel life go out of me. I know you will tell me it is a phase it will pass and I will settle down, and that people before me have done it and people after me will do it. I know, but it doesn’t make my ordeal any less. Even though such apprehensions reign my heart, I am a picture of poise and calm, my mind is as strong as steel.

 It is funny how, when you reach a socially agreeable position in life, there are people who flock you, who appreciate you and would do anything to gain favour with you. I saw this first hand with not just my peers but with others who earlier wouldn’t care much about me. Truly all my patience and tolerance of social anomaly has paid of. There was a time when a word said by me was slighted and was never believed, but today since all my words have come true I am in vogue, the most sought after.

 Is it wrong that after all the anguish I have gone through, I am happy that I want to for once live my life for myself? And give less priority to those who have slighted me before?

 I surprise myself each time, with the strength I feel within me and the conviction with which I deal with him. Last few months has been especially harsh on me. I was full of bitterness and anger. I have desired acceptance, I have craved love from people who have just insulted and humiliated me and I could do nothing to put an end to it. I had just tried to be patient and bear it all up in hope for my time to come and it has. Now I don’t want to be appreciated or accepted by them, I don’t need them around anymore. In a month and half I will be far far away from them, creating a life for myself one that is befitting me and one that I deserve, with them not being around to cast a shadow of misgivings on my life. I have endured much but not anymore.

 Is it wrong NOT to believe someone who repeatedly professes his feelings to you and makes tall promises but never ever fulfils them?

 I don’t like to hurt anyone. It does not bring me joy if I refuse a person for anything. But I am incapable to give my all, vanquishing the ‘I’ over ‘you’ that I had always done before. I am tired of believing and then being duped. I am tired of my thoughts being repeatedly raped and my emotions being molested time and again. For once I want to think of me, my future, my happiness, to see what life has in store for me. For once I want to challenge myself to move beyond known territory and make a mark for myself. I have so much I am indebted to, my folks who are doing their utmost to ensure that my dreams become a reality, this is the least I can do for them. I owe this to myself and to the hardwork I have put in.

In a way I am thankful to this opportunity. Had this opportunity never come my way, I would have never known the wealth of feelings people have for me and just how important they too are for me. My students face dissolving into tears made me believe again that love is really one feeling that creeps into our hearts without us being aware of it. Maybe once I am gone, people who have never really understood my worth all this while will finally wake up to reality.  Just the thought of leaving fills me with a fear of the unknown but I know I am not going to bow down to it, for I am destined for a greater role… 

Next stop Bengaluru:IIJNM has been Rakafied!!

This has to be one of the happiest day of my life. Everyone grows up learning to dream dreams, then as we grow up we realize that making dreams come true is not a mean feat, you face disappointment, hurdles in life; many are not fortunate enough to get their dreams to blossom but i must among the chosen few to see my dreams come true. Ever since i can remember, way back in Class 5, i wrote an essay on'My ambition in life' and my teacher really applauded me for writing a profession that not many knew:journalism. and since then the dream has lived on.. and today is the day when my childhood dream has become my reality

I have got through in IIJNM, Bangalore, in Television Journalism

This morning a parcel arrived, which is like a routine thing these days with so many colleges i had applied to, constantly brochures and admit card keeps pouring in, so i didn't make anything of it when i gently cut the envelope and took the brochure out, i thought it must be the admit card of this college for which i have an exam next week..but voila reading the letter i thought i was reading all wrong...but hey the letter was from IIJNM telling me i got through.. it was one 'Oscar winning moment for me.. i couldn't believe that i had actually gotten through... im still reading and re-reading the letter even now.. and it hasnt sunk in yet that i really have gotten through :)

Last Thursday i got a call from IIJNM stating that i have a telephonic interview the very next day.. my semesters were on and i was under immense pressure with semesters and then entrances.. the Alchemist here was Mayank who really calmed me down and made me go through a mock interview and really helped tons and tons to boost my confidence..the interview went at 11 and then at 3.20 i get a call from them to sit for an entrance test.. i was ready to collapse just when i thought i could relax and study for the next day..i had to write a test, that too out of the blue with no preparation somehow i managed to go to a cyber cafe.. and amidst yells and screams from some fellows who were playing FIFA.. and it was raining cats and dogs and i had a 15 min exams which squeezed every bit out of me...when the ordeal ended i just collapsed ... i don't know how i managed to study for the next day but i know i just did... really it was hectic and now... 7 days to the date... here i am ... all my worries about my future put to rest..and i am at peace...what with no re-applying in JU, many said i was taking a major risk that i may end up doing nothing..but i am glad the gamble paid off.. now maybe its time to change the 'about me' column on my blog.. :)

The people who were really instrumental in my success is first and foremost Harshita.. who never made me loose faith and belief in my abilities ..there was a time i was wondering if i would be able to apply in any of the colleges..but she had faith i would apply and get through...then Shubhankar without whom IIJNM would have been a lost dream...he guided me through all my admission procedures..reminding me of the formalities, telling me what to study and in turn encouraging me to delivering my best, not just that he ensured that that essay i had sent with my application was the best they could find..for that i will be forever grateful to him..Mayank who took time out of his busy schedule and mentored me... his contribution in a way paved way for my achievement today...he had faith on me and made me have faith on myself.. Thank you guys for being my pillar's of support .. for being there when i needed the most... 

the feelings running through my mind at the moment are happiness, relief and immense gratitude.. i am glad i could keep the honour of my words to all those to whom i had emphatically said that 'i would leave' and that ' i would someday show them that i had it in me to prove myself' thank you god for reaffirming to me that i am not ordinary that i can do anything i set my mind to. that i am cut out for a bigger role. thank you for thinking i deserve this opportunity. i am humbled and grateful. i wish now i can hold my head high up and live life on my terms.  be with me and trust me i will never let you down. i know to make my dreams come true i have two beautiful people, ma and baba who are doing their utmost for me, it is a huge risk, let me never ever to let them down, be with me as i set forth to do what i am chosen to do and do them proud. thank you god for thinking me worthy of this oppertunity...i am humbled and grateful to you...

P.S- So sorry for the long long post.. its just that i am happy and relieved...

Graduate... Almost!

Its OVER!! Finally my college life comes to an End!

What struck me while writing the last few lines of my paper was.. soon my exams will come to an end... what hadn't yet registered on my mind was that with the end of my exams.. my college life too came to an end.. not that i am very sentimental about leaving college and friends but still there was a sense of deja vu... and the worst part is i realized it once it was all over...

You it always happens.. in this rat race of life.. where almost every moment symbolizes a struggle to survive, where the fittest survives...we always focus on the goal, like.. the college we want to get in..or the job we want etc but we are surprised when one day reach the goal... maybe that is what has happened to me.. i have been focusing on getting out of college that i forget the moment has come and gone by.. but in a way its good because if i had put too much thought into it maybe i would have been distracted during my exams.. in times of extreme tension when i feel like giving up this particular poem called If  by Rudyard Kipling... gives me immense courage and strength to go on... the lines that i so love are ..

"If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!"

One of the highlights of today was.. that my last day at JU as a student and as well as my last day of college life was spent sitting side by side the one person i began my college life with in the same room it had all begun.. Shubhankar is such a moron i tell you.. he is this weird sort of a guy..despite being my good friend he never feels an urge to sit by me.. if i drag him [which i do most of the time] he does but if he is left to his own devices then he sits where ever or whoever catches his fancy..damn him! and you can imagine my surprise when he came over to me and filled in the vacant seat right next to me.. and gave me a look? as if to say.. "what??! i felt like sitting here don't make it a big deal now!" damn the moron!! and double damn him.. he is partially challenged in  hearing and dint get what i was asking him in the examination hall and when he got what i asked him.. he didn't have a clue... and the super moron gets all senti only after hours of coming back home... and when i was around or rather when i was willing to be around he was busy trying to get me home and get back to doing some work!! pond scum... but having said and done.. Shubhankar has been an absolute gift to me.. someone i always relied on and never got disappointed..whether it is ripping off his notes for me.. or literally dictating me my assignment.. or patiently repeating and re-repeating his explanations .. or being extremely patient with me when i give him the look "i don't know what the hell you are saying..???"..and now that college has come to an end.. I'm really going to miss him telling me everyday "you really are looking hot.." or "three years has gone by and we still havent done it.. lets do it" and id surprise him each time by saying "yea lets... but lets find a vacant room for doing or do you wanna do it here"... i don't know where we will be placed in life.. im sure he will have a bright future... he is bound too..morons have all the luck :)  but no matter what he will surely be the godfather to my kids!! 

The thoughts that are coursing through my mind at the moment is that of relief and a sense of timelessness reigns.. i cant belive that not only my exams, my college life has come to an end.. i feel all grown up as if i have scale mount Everest! God! when I was a little girl, i couldn't imagine studying beyond Class 12 but then when i was in Class 12 i couldn't think beyond graduation here i am at the threshold of Graduation and i desire to further my education.. with my student clearing her  class 10.. i feel its like yesterday i was where she is now but that was something that happened almost 5 years to this day! :O i wonder where did these days go?! Yes yes i am all overwhelmed with this sudden transition but then i love this feeling when despite knowing the truth the truth yet hasn't sunk in!! anyway this is it.. this post is a fitting end to my college life!

  ~The End~

P.S- To see the pictures of the last few days of my college life..check orkut...search me out with Phoenix. ... i will update my photoblog soon and the pictures will be up there too :)

P.P.S- Dont worry about my absense on all your blogs and the missing blog link.. its all taken care of. earlier i couldnt visit blogs as i had not put it up after i changed the template.. i will be back to reading your blogs in no time!! 

Naked Thoughts

I have been plagued by this thought and i just cant help but ask you guys something... 

Does being in a relationship make it mandatory for a

 girl to comply to the advances of her guy,

even if she doesnt not want it, or is not in a mood for it?

Does the girl have a right/ choice to refuse the guy??

And if the guy forces himself on the girl 

[that is if she doesnt want it and he goes ahead]

can a girl term it as molestation?

Now a little personal question.. its ok if you choose not to answer but if you can i will really be obliged.

Is feelings important in an intimate situation? 

or its ok if he/she has feelings.. if they dont then just go ahead and enjoy the moment

Disclaimer: the author does not wish to generalize.. she is just curious... :)

501. R.e.m.i.n.i.s.c.e.n.c.e

They say that you don't make good friends in the virtual world.And we,the current generation is very much ridiculed by our predecessors for the extreme thin line precision at which almost all of our relationships go.I would however differ in this regard.Even though most relationships thrive on a very thin line,unfortunately,some do get above all those notions paving way for ultimate bliss....

And the one I share with the author (Raka/Phoenix) is one such.... :) Ultimate bliss....!!!!!!

I first come across her blog in the last quarter of 2008 and something which attracted me the most right away,was the fact that Raka was supremely modest and frank on all that she had been writing about.And my observation is very well reiterated by the many number of readers who flock around here...That is also because the blog readers have also evolved wonderfully well..Gone are those days,when people used to run behind a touch of flamboyance or gossip or sweet talk.

Plain incidents of one's life serve as a stepping stone in defining most others.

And that has been the most amazing thing behind the woman,herself.And as time went by,I got ever so wonderfully addicted to this space.Reading the Destiny's Child was like reading the newspaper first up in the morning for she was soo very punctual with her posts.The world through her eyes was and still is an extremely wonderful experience.And then came social networking sites to the foray,I found her on one of them and we were friends soon enough.As time went by,so did things fall into place ever-so-wonderfully well.


As things stand today,close to 6 months from our first real conversation on the telephone,I have learned more things from her than I could have ever given her.The humongous multi dimensions of the people inhabiting the earth,the life and times of an Indian girl coupled with the realities that they have to face in life,the flashes of the child in her who wishes to go places fueled by her ambitions,the woman in her who is a great source of emotional life support system to most people around her(including ME),an insight into the life of a perfectionist who has a very good head above her shoulders and whose feet are completely firm on the ground--I could just go on and on and on.The mere fact is,seldom have I been able to see people of the current generation who have had a better outlook on life than raka and in these times,I have never been ashamed to take a leaf out of hers and incorporate them into mine.After all,she is indeed MINE..... :D

And in these times,there sure has been my share of PR disasters(I am GOD) but unlike the previous times where in,I thought it transpired thanks to me,Raka has made me realise that it ain't really so and put a whole new dimension into my thought process..I don't really think about them now anymore,for I have her...forever...and ever....and ever.... :)



And now when I come across myself as one of those very lucky few who have been fortunate enough to adorn this space,I thank her for all the wonderful moments that have transpired in between the two of us in this short span of time,for putting up with me,the number of times I have put her in utter disarray through my umpteen SMS's (yeah,messaging is free for me..Want a bite??get in touch.. :p ) and missed calls and also those phone calls sometimes- just hoping that these times do last forever.....

Love you ever so much.....*Hugs*
yours Multi(Nikhil)Menon

Yeah,I am praying for your admission at MASCOM more than anyone else and you know why...!! :D

Beginning to an End

i was so looking forward to the college to end.but what i had not anticipated even in my wildest dreams that college coming to an end, would mean not seeing you in college everyday.

those conversations through scribbling on chits,
those moments of absolute bliss,
the study sessions,
the urgent phone calls,
and midnight texts
the jittery nerves.
the silent gazes and hasty hugs.
the scribbles and doodles,
the fake tattoos and autographs
the canteen talk or bitching sessions.
the reminiscence of happier times,
the tears of anguish and distress
the smiles and promises of a better tomorrow.
will be missed.

love is hardly the word, that can express just what i feel for you, thank you for being my friend.

its my last day at college tomorrow, Wednesday is our farewell. the day i have been waiting for is here. from here, it will be an onward journey and i will make good things happen.

Real Men

I'm not a feminist. I believe in gender equalities. my idea about men was pretty limited to my dad specially since i have grown up in an all girls convent school and i didn't really have brothers as role models. and i must say i haven't done pretty bad myself, because my dad fits the role of an ideal man to me. i know, i know, you just be thinking " how obvious! Daddy's little girl.." etc etc no its not that, i have met friends who happen to be men and they seem well turned out as well. but of late the men i come across, friends and other Friend's boy friends, well I'm beginning to feel a lot disillusioned.. don't ask me why.. men that i come across are wimps, half formed personalities and a mere shadow of their mothers, and are too weak to handle. now now, don't get me wrong. I'm not against men here, just a few men who just are not able to be what they should be.

i mean when i think of the word man, the words that come to my mind are, strong, someone you can depend on, has a personality, can carry himself well,serious yet witty, sensitive and caring, thoughtful and interesting, is chivalrous and has manners. i have friends, both real and virtual, who embody all this and more. so i refuse to believe that real men doesn't not exist. we all know men are from Mars and women are from Venus, John Gray explains it quite well in his book of the same title. so i believe as a woman it is tough to judge men and vice verse. but then it is important to analyse men specially the one you are dating, because once you do, you know just why things are the way they are in your relationship.

see basically most girls have the same problems, he doesn't give me time etc etc... but then what we don't bother to find out is, most of these problems stem from ill formed personalities and deformed individuality. most men nowadays [my blogger friends excluded because, most of whom i read are prototypes of what i consider real men, at least they possess most attributes] are wimps and such big sissies. i ll state a few incidents, tell me what you think of my take on it..

I mean ya parents come first, i wouldn't hear any less but then if you are in a relationship, one that you have chosen, then why don't you have the balls to stand up to your mom for your girl? i mean yea your mom may have problems of sharing you with another girl, whom she considers a threat, if she cant understand you do, simple. but no, darling son will get manipulated and will never see the bigger picture. so the lesson, if you cant face your mom, then don't be in a relationship.

Everyone nowadays lives to work, or works to live; granted. but then if you cant balance work and your relationship, why get into one anyway? i have this girl friend whose boy friend hasn't met her in the last 4 months just because he is careerist and a workaholic, i mean WTF! good you are workaholic and ambitious but then why are you in a relationship? poor girl waits in hope when someday he will make time to meet her. mind you, they are from the same city. Real men take time out of their busy schedule even for a minute to drop an sms to their girls, but morons just don't bother and have excuses ready for not doing it.Balance is the key word, either prioritize your life or don't get into a relationship for which you don't have an aptitude.

Most men, are charmers, they woo their girl with flamboyance and love. but as years go by the unreal men tell their girls "5 years later what do you expect? the romance and all are a mere figment of imagination!" o really? a real man would make everyday okay not maybe every day, most days, a day filled with love. i mean why do you get into all that trouble of wooing the girl, when you will reduce her to a show piece?

Manners, when we were in school we were taught hordes of them. most men are not taught them but they turn out just fine but some "unreal" men are like pigs let loose on paddy fields. seriously. these men don't open doors for their girls, neither do they pull the chairs for her, they don't have table manners. sheesh! these men will walk right ahead, not caring if their girl is being cowered in a crowd, they wont think twice to walk with her and protect her from being jostled by the crowd. such men are truly disgusting! if you don't know how to behave in social circuits why don't just stay home! losers!!

But having said that i must say, the men i idolize or think are close to what i consider perfect in men, truly exhibit the qualities that most girls look in a man. my question to you is, for both for men and women is, what is your idea of a perfect man? or let me rephrase it. what are the qualities that men should have?

The thing called LOVE!?

Sometimes i wonder what is it drives people to love? they approach the object of that compelling love, risking rejection to confess his/her feelings. and then what? with time slowly love becomes a habit and soon its nothing but a charade. sounds cynical? its true.

I doubt if most people realize the kind of commitment or responsibility they are about to take up when they approach someone with their feelings. most often i see people going miles for the person they love but once they become sure of the other persons feelings they sit back and stop trying. nothing can be worse fate to this so called love when in the guise of stability habit takes over the spontaneity of love. when it comes to confessing the feelings people are too eager but when it comes to actually doing something for the relationship, most often people shy away. 'i love you' is replaced by "if you don't like me.. we can break up '.

What really vexes me is, why don't most men decide for themselves what they are getting themselves into when they decide for a relationship. okay i maybe a lil unfair here generalizing men, but hey i know there are good men around just that they are too few and unfortunately most of us girls are unlucky to have missed those genuine ones in our lives. i mean seriously, in the early courtship period, guys do everything in their capacity to impress to win love and attention from the girl, and once the target is achieved all that comes to a girl is neglect. because even if the girl gives the guy a hard time before saying a 'yes' to the relationship, but once the girl is committed she is totally loyal and dedicated, and the guys... well they stop doing anything once they get the girl they want.

love is such a sweet feeling. if you are in love with someone you want to make that special person feel loved and wanted, you want to make her feel like she is the most important one in life. you try and be there for her, stick up for her, protect her and give her not only what every girl deserves- love respect,trust and understanding; but also what she needs. you dont just take her for granted, throw attitude and expect her to keep the relationship running and do nothing to help her. if sitting back and seeing things get done something you want then why get into a relationship, if you cant be a man enough to be a good BF to her. is giving her a hard time, compelling her to kill her desires and wants from her relationship, what a girl deserves? most honest men, make a woman feel loved and wanted. they pull out the stops, to be the best man she encountered, they would make the girl feel loved not just on Valentines day but make every day a Valentines day. and yes such men exists, just that men nowadays are wimps who need girl friends to show off and care two hoots for the girl they are with. such men are wimps and total mamma's boys good-for-nothing morons, who get into a relationship for the sake of it, not knowing the true meaning of love.

If this is what love is, i wish i never knew love. because what i thought was just my problem turns out to be a mass problem, one that almost every girl in a relationship is facing.Singledom truly rocks! i wish i could go back to those days, where despite being single, i was never alone, i was in love with 'love' but never felt the need to love someone, and surely there was no heartache. truly those were the best days of my life. love is but an illusion.

P.S- DONT bombard me with are you okay's please. im fine. just plain bitter and disappointed about my experiences. nothing serious though. so please dont jump into conclusions.

Relationship Woes

Its 4.33am and I'm still up. waiting for Samik to mail. yes he has night shifts and I'm up keeping him company, not because I'm Expected to but because i Want to; so all the plans for doing great things because my boy friend is having night shifts have gone to waste. okay while on the topic of my post on "5 benefits of your boy friend working night shifts" and the comments i got from it i get the idea for this post [thank god! :) because i was totally floundering] now some enjoyed what i wrote and some were apprehensive of Samik's reaction. now this gives me the food to think about the importance of space in a relationship.

I was reading in Harshita's blog where she wrote about relationships and if with marriage ends everything that was there, friends etc before marriage. so that gives me enough things to answer. see a relationship is a simple and tender thing. its all about balance. why would a guy dictate what the girl should do and not? the girl in turn has to use her sensibilities to do things within limits. why do anything to jeopardize your marriage or relationship? its the same for guys as well. if there is space in a relationship and trust, then everything else falls into place. like yea if samik read the post maybe he wont be happy but then he will realize or i hope he does, that my life centers around him and i do things willingly but i also do miss out on friends etc sometimes i do need and yearn for these things and if by coincidence i get the opportunity then why not grab it and put it to full use? would he rather i sit back having nothing to do and be cranky because he is not around to keep me company?I'm sure he wouldn't like a whiny girl friend. and if he doesn't understand than its his bad luck but thankfully he understands.

See the thing is friends are as important as boy friend/girl friend. when the respective other gives you a hard time the friends support you. and when the friends give you a hard time BF/GF is there. Not just that, you need support systems. i mean yea you are in a relationship does that mean you will ignore friends?hell no? why should you? but of course there are possibilities that the person you are friends with may be a trouble to your relationship, then it is on you to judge if there is at all any such threat to the relationship and if you can rationalize that it is not then why bow down to your partners insecurities and loose a friend. of late i have heard my friends loosing out of friends because they choose their relationships over friendship and i was aghast. insecurities and jealousies are like a part of a relationship, it is upon us how we handle it.. if they are still there then the problem then its our inability to make our respective others feel secure about us. Balance is the greatest lessons in life, even the nature thrives on balance [read:life cycle] then why not practice it, if it yields good results. why give up friends for suspecting and distrustful partners? and why give more priority to worthless friends and ignore losing partners? so the trick to maintain healthy professional and personal lives is to maintain balance and space in all relationships.

The moment we stop being guided by the things we SHOULD do and do things Because we WANT to do, life is a lot easier. one should always consult their others on things but the decision should be ours ultimately, and ours alone. if we have our conscience clear, and are guided by it then no insecurity or misunderstandings occur, hence a less complicated and hassle free life!

P.S-If you didn't get a thing of what i said.. i don't blame you..seriously i don't..its just that I'm awake for awhile now so in all probability i don't make sense.. it isn't making sense to me..anyway...you guys didn't tell me how my new template is? BTW i lost most of your links while formatting my blog..i tried restoring most.. still...do comment so that i can link you back... :) thanks in advance!

WHAT HAS THE WORLD COME TO?

There is so much i want to write about. i type a few lines and then discard the post and then begin afresh each time it is the same thing. why does the fear of been looked through, stripped of my personal thoughts, emotions and beliefs makes me feel so vulnerable and defenseless? it is the shadow of being revealed that makes me apprehensive to be just me. what then makes me different than those who have mastered the art of masquerade? why does the hypocrisy, corruption, conceit then effects me? and how long do i thus withstand the onslaught of such tyranny?

Letting people effect you is a sin; caring for others forbidden, using people as stepping stone to move ahead the mantra and money, social recognition and fame the only attributes to a successful life! this is how most in today's world function, sadly this is true where even parents are looked at as commodities and morals?well they donot exist! where has the innocence gone? where are the people of warmth and values? where does this take us? do we really qualify as humans or are just reduced to machines: which feels not reacts. what use is such a life then?

Valentine's day celebrations

Yeah still a little drunk... literally and otherwise on Valentines Day spirit! i just wanted to share just what i did to make my day a memorable one.

thats my gift to samik

The fact that Samik is not going to Bangalore after all may be a stale news but it was the one thing i was grateful of all throughout the day. i just couldn't bring myself to imagine, what if samik had to go? would my day still hold as much love and happiness as today? i guess not. with no fear of separation haunting me, i let my hair down and relaxed and enjoyed myself thoroughly today. first i sent Samik a voice sms yesterday night to wish him, and he was mighty happy and surprised. Our excitement and love was so great, specially since we fought earlier on, that we couldn't help but tell each other what we are gifting each other!! :D :P and guess what? we both got each other almost identical stuff; a watch a card and that too in a matching carry bag and cases!! take about great minds thinking alike!! phew!! :D :P lolzy!

samik's gift me

Then Yours Truly cooked lunch, okay i just made the chicken and mom made the rest. samik was prompt on time after his office and we had a hearty meal.btw he did say the chicken was delicious.. even if he didn't... i know i loved the food i cooked! :P The afternoon passed lazing around with mom. early evening we strolled on our terrace and chatted up. and left later to a ancient Kolkata tour. we went to the second Hoogly Bridge, the city lights shinning over the river Hoogly was a spectacular view. then we made our way to one of the poshest Restaurants on Part Street, our first formal dinner, with vodka for me and beer for samik, a first too, that too together :D now you know why I'm rambling? coz yea even after a few minutes.. or is it hours? i do feel like i dont have any control over my senses... okay where was i? dinner.. yea.. had a wonderful meal, the band was amazing, they were playing all English hits from the 90's, that really added a lot to the mood and ambiance.

This is the first "perfect" valentines day i ever had. earlier 4 times with Samik, was marred by something or other. but this time was magnificent. and what better way to end it but by blogging about it and read the beautiful post written by Yamini on her blog.. do read it... the link is here. i hope you guys had a gala time?? Wishing you all a very happy valentines day!! hope you guys had fun!!

Being a girl is like living a life of utter indignity!

Let me warn you that i am angry and extremely pissed and this post is just a remedy to get off that thing that has turned my life living hell. So if you think you will be bored stop reading it, now or come back later when a different post is up. I should probably post this is my all girls blog but then i need to vent and i need to vent it here.
For the first time in life i felt that being a girl can be such a pain in life. Until today I have never faced the brunt of any injustice because i am a girl but what happened today made me feel bad for being a girl. What happened today shouldn't have happened and i don't know just how to get over it and move on. I know tomorrow maybe i will have better sense to look beyond everything, to regain the hope and faith and deal with this situation better but as of now, I'm angry,insulted, pissed, humiliated hurt and extremely disappointed.
A girl no matter how careerist, or homely, always envisions that the day the talks of her marriage will be broached will be a happy affair. it will be a beautiful moment that will be with her for life. I'm not different. but today my happiness turned into insult, humiliation and utter disappointment and hurt. Samik's folks brought up the topic of marriage today. its their tonality and perspective of looking at our marriage that led to this being my worst nightmare. They made me feel I'm an object.. some alu bhindi, with no dreams or desires, that i should get married and why? Because if Samik gets married then he will be settled he will learn to take responsibilities, and if he moves out of town, he will have me to take care of him. i wonder why his parents need a literature graduate servant for their son, to take care of him. i was angry and aghast. all this was coming from people who i believed loved me back, who are so concerned about me and my well being. they know about my future aspirations to study and work and yet they say stuff like this; and what could be worse, they spoke to me in third person, making me feel even worse, like "we were telling samik, get married because you will have someone to take care of you, and you wont be feeling alone or bored. having a wife will make him responsible" and i was dying to yell at them, " and what about me? and my dreams and wishes? am i that trivial?" damn!! i cant belive people in 21st century are like this, specially people who claim to love me treating me like im something that need to be weighed and sold; it hurts like hell. i cant belive that such people exist who they have double standards one reserved for thier daughter and one for their daughter-in-law.

Are we girls born only so that we can be married off?? are we not an individual at all? if any of you guys reading this, then make a mental note now; never let your parents talk you into such atrocious things, never do it to your own daughter and never ever let anyone related to you or not, go through this at all. marraige is a beautiful thing to happen, but it should happen when the time is right and when the two people are ready for it. i hope none of you have to go through what i did.

Btw NO IM NOT GETTING MARRIED!! :x

Strengths and Weaknesses

Most people think that by not accepting or hiding their faults or weaknesses makes them appear strong and confident. by accepting their short comings makes them mentally demoralized and weak. however i beg to differ; according to me if you posses the courage to admit that there is a short coming it makes you mentally strong to cope with it, and it is also the first step to finding a solution. being a Virgo isn't really easy because criticism comes easily to us and it doesn't really help when the person you first criticize is you.

Trust me when i say 'i know' because almost 99.99% of the times i really do know... no prizes for guessing there. the reason i have been writing this post is everyone has their own weakness but admitting it becomes a strength. there are a few faults that i have realized i possess and i cant say i am too proud of it. so this is just a way to come to terms with it. pardon me if you feel I'm washing my dirty linen in public here...

The 5 things i just truly hate about me/ my 5 flaws -

• i have serious intimacy issues.
  
• I'm one who is guided by 'to do list' and lots and lots of planning and it drives me almost insane.
• I'm a perfectionist to the hilt
• i get emotionally involved with people quicker than anyone can imagine, real or virtual.
• i just cant say 'no' very well, and this lands me in sticky situations...

P.S-Hey i just wanted to share that PJ is at her benevolent best and has bestowed me with yet another award, hereby making it a great year ending :)

Family Day, Awards and Exams

Yesterday was family day at Samik's office. Its a yearly event and like last year, this year too i accompanied him. Now you must be wondering why the hell would i go out with my [supposed] ex? well yeah we have broken up or rather we are on a break for sometime.. we keep going out, socializing, talking over the phone and usual stuff. Don't ask me why because i don't know, except i think we cant help not doing it. But trust me it really works wonders. The kind of equation we share now, probably is not the same as we used to share when we were together, its better and more mature i guess.


O yea Family Day, well family day at HSBC is really something. i mean the saroo employers do think of their employees enough to organize such an event on a high scale each year. the best part is, the event was not about showing off how good the company is. but it was also about doing their bit for the society. the company boasts of aiding an orphanage and an old age home, and they are their sole benefactors.imagine what it would look like to see men in their late twenties on stage, in South Indian attire-lungi and shirt, baring their [sexy lol!]legs and dancing to one of my favs-appadi podu... yeah you are right they were looking absolutely cute, where else would you see IT professional, from managerial level do this?!. it takes courage to perform in front of friends and family. what was amazing was, every department did their best trying to out do the rest, which resulted in a darn good show; except the MC was atrocious, with his PJs and singing. every one was chilled and relaxed, even his moronic managers were having a gala time with their wife and kids or girl friends. i have been hearing a lot of Fresh N Honest coffee in samik's office, finally i got to savor it too.it was perfect, a lil strong but absolutely heavenly. what did i do all evening? well samik and i went for never ending walks within the compound, drinking coffee, savoring the winter chills, chatting and laughing, and watching one or two great performances. To say the least we got spotted by samik's friends and colleagues, who kinda eyed me suspiciously and gave a meek smile and disappeared! [thank god!] i just hope today at least he wont be teased at office for being in the event yet not taking part.. but my prediction says he might as well feel the heat! :P

Madam PJ has award me again and it goes without saying that I'm thrilled and honored. its the butterfly award! how i was envying all those who had it and i didn't! but now i have one to flaunt it too. :) but id like to pass it on to

*harshita
*ria
*anwesa
**luckydivs
*yamini and
*tara

because this girl gang rocks! girl power!! :)

my semesters begin in an exact week. to be honest i have not been able to make a headway in the past week, but all that is about to change, relax! no im not quitting blog world :D its just im not scared or nervous. but i will be, dont worry and you will get to know for sure :P


i hope you all have a great weekend ahead!

cheerio!

"IF"

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"


If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!


this is one of my favorite poems and i had first come across this poem when i was just 10. something about this poem has stuck on and stayed with me through my formative days.its the best motivation anyone can ever get.

recently i saw so many imminent people give up fame, power and money; while they were at peak.it has always made me wonder what it must have cost people like, Bill Gates, Saurav Ganguly, Anil Kunble, Suchitra Sen; to give something they loved doing. how much it must have effected them to give it all up while at the top. seriously i don't know if ever i will get to do something i love and then give it all up. what would you do? would you be able to give up something while at the top?

He loves her
But he cannot overlook the shortcomings

He is said to be a genuine person
Yet he is not without fangs and conceit.

Can such contradictions occur simultaneously?
Can this really be love??