Rainy .....

Despite the sweat trickling down my face and my neck, despite the sun burning my skin, despite being tanned shades darker, do you know why Kolkata is the best in summers?? and why i simply and totally love the summers in spite of the soaring mercury?

Well no prizes for guessing its because of the rains... in Kolkata we haveNorwester called Kalboishakhi.. storm clouds darken the skies in the late evenings.. there is a storm, with cool cool breeze that almost wipes off the fatigue of the day, its such that it makes sweeps you off your feet and makes you forget the heat and humidity that made the day such an impossible one.. soon after dusk it rains hard for a spell and two and then its over, making the whole atmosphere much cooler, and with the breeze ensuring it remains so.. the nights sleep are assured to be good. but these rains are not the marathon ones which goes on for days, just those which pops up for sometime and then goes away. at times there are hail storms too and those are one helluva an experience.you just have to be here to experience it, its simply too good an experience to explain.

Last year a few friends from my locality called me up on a tremendously rainy day asking me if i was free, knowing that i was free i was ordered to change into shorts and tee. doing as i was asked, i stood waiting for my friends, i saw them wading through knee deep water waving frantically at me.. soon i joined them and together the three of us went almost swimming through the dirty water, with shoes floating .. young boys trying to catch fish[yeah there were fishes because we have a lake nearby which flooded its banks a little] and there we were out to survey our locality, of course we were eye candy, people stared at us thinking us to be mad. we sailed paper boats and went in search of a nearby chai shop which obviously wasn't opened because we three were the only mad ones out...nonetheless it was amazing... it was rather cold and wading through the cold water made our feet numb, but then chatting away to glory with friends reliving the times spent as kids is the ultimate bliss... it felt like old times when as kids we would purposely get out of home just to sail paper boats and splash about. rains always remind me of pleasant things... it has a magical effect on me.. and i so love the rains!!

Yeah this is yet another rain induced post but i just cant help it.. its just that it rained three days in a row, which made me really happy from inside, something which i was in look out for since a long time, at a time when I'm really caught up with tons of work and tensions and fear. it has been raining bad things at my end but these rare moments of happiness and smiles are like a much needed respite.

On graver issues.. one of the two friends with whom i have grown up and about whom i spoke about a little earlier, just informed me that her mother is suffering from crevical cancer. its a blow not only to my friend but to me too. her mother is like a mother to me too, all three of us have spent our prime together and its really a tremendous shock! here's wishing Kakima recovers from this grave ailment... and may god give us strength to bear this cross bravely...


On a lighter note.. its Uncle's birthday... [Richa's Dad] here's wishing you uncle A Very Happy Birthday!! :)

Moreover, the last two months i had just lost touch with 'me' and my blogging suffered. i wanted to write but couldn't hence the sloppy posts and frequent tags. i don't know why but i feel good despite everything falling apart around me. the comment segment of my blog and the new friends make me feel happier and encourage me to write. yes i feel sane and happy that i seem to have found my flair back.. phew!! :D *grins*

Tests , tests and more tests are coming my way... so yes that's screwing me big time but then to think just 16 days to go before my college days ends.. keeps me happy and gay :) yippee!!

Btw i started this post just for Anwesa to perk up her mood and it was her demand to read a rain post but i ended it up as yet another of my rants.. so sorry Anne.. don't mind.. I'm just not in my elements as of now... but will be back with a better post next time.. promise... :)

Tuned...

Do you have any one song, hearing which you have an out of the body experience? the song that makes you transcend time, place and people? a song that transports you to a new realm altogether, where you loose all bodily sense? can the song make you wish, that if you were to dedicate a song to the loved one this would be it? and nothing can ever sum up your feelings better than this one?? well, there is this one song which answers all the above questions with affirmative, for me. ever since i have heard Tum se hi... from the movie Jab We Met.. the songs brings back all kinds of memories.. all of them good, i didn't know a song can come to mean so much to me but this one does, and it brings two distinct memories one directly, it is a song I'd dedicate to the one i love and the other reason being, this song is the one that reminds me of a dear friend. for this and more, this song just makes me happy every time i hear it, its as if I'm transfixed and breathless with the emotions it represents...

This song reminds me of my friend, Firefly and the beaches of Vizaq and the memories flood in. We used to be the bestest friends from the first day of college, but then due to our silly and immature ways we had fallen apart. but because of our departmental trip to Vizaq, we came together as organizers. from talking in monosyllables,we started conversing properly. even amidst friends, we were the only two who was quite during a lively conversation gazing at each other; maybe we were recalling those early days of college, where we were inseparable. we got talking over this song first, and then during the entire trip we would both share the ipod listening to this song. my fondest of memory with this song and Firefly is the one at the beach when all our differences faded into oblivion as our lost friendship resurfaced...


One evening we had gone out to the beach, our friends all sat in a group chatting as the song was played in the loudspeaker in some one's phone. i got up to walk along the beach alone, with the waves breaking at my feet. looking back i saw a happy set of friends and a silent pair of eyes following my every move, almost hidden in the dark. at that time i thought, how bad a fate our friendship would have, if we were to walk out of college without clearing out our differences, if only we could still have another chance at friendship.. a lone tear coursed down...

i felt someone standing right beside me and i turned to look, it was him, seeing me wipe off the tear he had come to talk to me. this was the first proper conversation we had in almost a year. soon we got talking and in moments our disagreement was sorted and long forgotten. when i dared to remove my eyes from the beach and look at him, i saw that tears were streaming down his face too. i knew then, that he had missed me too all those months when we barely recognized each others existence, that he valued me as much as i valued him.


Thus the song reminds me of this day when i found my friend back. that day i had been the happiest ever, i felt as if a huge burden had shifted off my heart, i felt free and fearless, i knew i had my friend back and i knew that nothing could stop me then.. sigh! it was one of the best feelings ever...

If this wasn't reason enough. Every time i hear this song the one person i can think of is Samik. maybe because this song is still his ring tone, that he had set because i loved it. If i really want to mean the lyrics for someone, it would be Samik, who is now indispensable to me and my life. this song reminds me of the beach, the waves, friends, Firefly and of course Samik...

So tell me... what is the one song that sets your pulse racing? or do you think being so attached to a song is sheer madness??

Earth Hour and its utility

Since today is the Earth Hour day from 8.30-9.30pm and the lights have to be out, i take it that you are all going to comply, you have to, its about protecting our environment, and yes even an hour of power saving helps. so while you do humanity a favor here are 5 things you can do to kill time ...

1~ Go for a walk, alone or with your loved ones, walking in the dark can be fun..
2~ arrange for a candle light dinner for the loved one.. or if you are single why not have dinner with friends and family?
3~play old fashioned games like ludo or carom, or spend quality time with family, talking over tea or snacks

4~why not take a power nap?one feels refreshed after a nap.. really helps trust me..
or if you are in a relationship, sneak in those kisses now and then,
mind you don't blame me if you get caught. :)
5~ if you have mosquitoes at your place learn to kill them in one whack!!, it can be fun!! or you could think....
dont ask me about what? ab kya main soch ne ka kaam bhi kar doon..alsi kahi kay!

P.S-Sorry i couldn't think of a better 'things to do'. im too tired and sleepy for words, i have been up since 4 this morning!! and i have to wake up at four again!! :(

P.S 2- thanks Ria for passing on the information about Earth Day!!

Raindrops and Roses..

It rained last night, almost. the short spell of shower induced the wet-earth spell that i so love and i was lost. this has to be the first of the rain influenced posts that are due this rainy season, friends who read me for a long time now will definitely agree :) i have this strange thing with rain. it makes me happy and sad at the same time. in kolkata, yes that's where i stay, rain is associated with water logging and a bad case at that, not as bad as Mumbai though but pretty bad, i mean we are still known for it. anyway who cares at least we get a few unapproved leaves right?


Waking up to rainy days ranks among the first of the things i absolutely love. the cold cold feeling, snuggling deeper into the sheets, the pitter patter raindrops on the glass pane, is simply heavenly. days like this, i simply wear an old sweatshirt and worn out jeans and socks, pull my legs beneath me and simply blog or read a good book while dad brings in some great coffee!! sigh!! I'm already back in time it seems, even though rain has long since stopped...


Rainy days like these are a big with Samik and me. i remember once it had rained cats and dogs, and it was the last day of Samik's before he joined office. and we just had to spend that day together, yet the transport situation was real bad. but somehow Samik waded through knee deep water till my place, where i was waiting with rolled up jeans, flip flips, umbrella in hand trying to almost wade through all that water just to meet him. that day we walked almost two kilometers to Barista for coffee and it was heavenly. With freshly brewed coffee sat there, with muffins and pastries as we chatted to our hearts content, watching the city in inaction. it was in a way surreal..


Some day those were..once.. this was really early into our courtship maybe just months into our relationship.. in those days, back when i was in school... Samik would persuade me for a week and half and then id relent to meet him. so our meetings would be few and far in between. once dad went to Hyderabad for the Asian Games and i pataoed mom to the hilt and asked her for those 5 days as a gift, and those 5 days were ours and just for ours to live. we met in rain and in sun and literally so. it was hot and sultry the first 2 days and then it poured and how. dad once called me and i was nowhere near home he tells me "i just saw the tv. they are saying Kolkata is under water due to heavy rains. where are you?" and I'm like "baba im with friends in our locality it is hardly that bad!" when i was actually miles away from home and still in a much water logged area!! but it was all good fun!! :) really its getting me nostalgic here... so what happened?? well those initial months became years... and now 5 years into the relationship.. Samik is working and i'm on my way out of college.. finally life caught up on us..now its more like.."yes it happened.. once upon a time...."sigh! :)

Real Men

I'm not a feminist. I believe in gender equalities. my idea about men was pretty limited to my dad specially since i have grown up in an all girls convent school and i didn't really have brothers as role models. and i must say i haven't done pretty bad myself, because my dad fits the role of an ideal man to me. i know, i know, you just be thinking " how obvious! Daddy's little girl.." etc etc no its not that, i have met friends who happen to be men and they seem well turned out as well. but of late the men i come across, friends and other Friend's boy friends, well I'm beginning to feel a lot disillusioned.. don't ask me why.. men that i come across are wimps, half formed personalities and a mere shadow of their mothers, and are too weak to handle. now now, don't get me wrong. I'm not against men here, just a few men who just are not able to be what they should be.

i mean when i think of the word man, the words that come to my mind are, strong, someone you can depend on, has a personality, can carry himself well,serious yet witty, sensitive and caring, thoughtful and interesting, is chivalrous and has manners. i have friends, both real and virtual, who embody all this and more. so i refuse to believe that real men doesn't not exist. we all know men are from Mars and women are from Venus, John Gray explains it quite well in his book of the same title. so i believe as a woman it is tough to judge men and vice verse. but then it is important to analyse men specially the one you are dating, because once you do, you know just why things are the way they are in your relationship.

see basically most girls have the same problems, he doesn't give me time etc etc... but then what we don't bother to find out is, most of these problems stem from ill formed personalities and deformed individuality. most men nowadays [my blogger friends excluded because, most of whom i read are prototypes of what i consider real men, at least they possess most attributes] are wimps and such big sissies. i ll state a few incidents, tell me what you think of my take on it..

I mean ya parents come first, i wouldn't hear any less but then if you are in a relationship, one that you have chosen, then why don't you have the balls to stand up to your mom for your girl? i mean yea your mom may have problems of sharing you with another girl, whom she considers a threat, if she cant understand you do, simple. but no, darling son will get manipulated and will never see the bigger picture. so the lesson, if you cant face your mom, then don't be in a relationship.

Everyone nowadays lives to work, or works to live; granted. but then if you cant balance work and your relationship, why get into one anyway? i have this girl friend whose boy friend hasn't met her in the last 4 months just because he is careerist and a workaholic, i mean WTF! good you are workaholic and ambitious but then why are you in a relationship? poor girl waits in hope when someday he will make time to meet her. mind you, they are from the same city. Real men take time out of their busy schedule even for a minute to drop an sms to their girls, but morons just don't bother and have excuses ready for not doing it.Balance is the key word, either prioritize your life or don't get into a relationship for which you don't have an aptitude.

Most men, are charmers, they woo their girl with flamboyance and love. but as years go by the unreal men tell their girls "5 years later what do you expect? the romance and all are a mere figment of imagination!" o really? a real man would make everyday okay not maybe every day, most days, a day filled with love. i mean why do you get into all that trouble of wooing the girl, when you will reduce her to a show piece?

Manners, when we were in school we were taught hordes of them. most men are not taught them but they turn out just fine but some "unreal" men are like pigs let loose on paddy fields. seriously. these men don't open doors for their girls, neither do they pull the chairs for her, they don't have table manners. sheesh! these men will walk right ahead, not caring if their girl is being cowered in a crowd, they wont think twice to walk with her and protect her from being jostled by the crowd. such men are truly disgusting! if you don't know how to behave in social circuits why don't just stay home! losers!!

But having said that i must say, the men i idolize or think are close to what i consider perfect in men, truly exhibit the qualities that most girls look in a man. my question to you is, for both for men and women is, what is your idea of a perfect man? or let me rephrase it. what are the qualities that men should have?

Happy birthday! and Awards!!

Its Mayank aka Mayz birthday tomorrow and since he is such special friend to me, who has been there when i needed a mentor the most, i ll forever be grateful to him. and on his special day, i'd like to wish him a rocking birthday, and may future beckon him to happiness, propriety, luck and many things more. have a blast mayank! and dont forget to parcel me the treat and the return gift! hugss!! love ya :) :P

Meera has been ever so kind and has thought me worthy to get this award. and it is on me now to pass to to others who i think truly deserve this award. so here goes;this time i would like to incorporate my new friends into my world.

Arnab
Amith
Akhshat
Amrita
Anwesa
Americanising Desi
Harshita
Richa
Nikhil
Yamini
Punya
KI
Siam
Kajal
Meera
Tara
Ria
The Rat
Vickram
Mayank
Dhanya

LAST TIMES…

1.last drink: cold coffee

2.Last phone call: Samik

3.Last text message: Samik

4. Last song you listened to: Hum dil de chukey sanam

5. Last time you cried: hmm..sometime back

HAVE YOU EVER...

6. Dated someone twice: No.
7.Been cheated on? No
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? NO!!...hehe.. :)
9.Lost someone special? Yes
10. Been depressed? O Yeah!
11. Been drunk and threw up? No

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:

12.Blue

13.White
14. Black
15.Yellow

FIRSTS :

15. Made new friends: Yes

16. Fallen out of love: No

17. Laughed until you cried: On several occasions

18. Met someone who changed you: NO

19. Found out who your true friends were: Totally!

20. Found out someone was talking about you:Yes

HAVE YOU:
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Does virtual mwuah's count? then yes million times, if not then yes too! but of course Samik!

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Most of them, or so i would like to believe.
23. How many kids do you want to have: HMM two i think.. :)

24. Do you have any pets: yes parrots

25. Do you want to change your name: Yes for sure.. but then again my grandma named me lovingly and thats all i have left of her now. so No i dont want to change my name.

26. What did you do for your last birthday: i had a blast, i was with all those who mattered to me! it was a nice and happy birthday!

27.What time did you wake up today: 7:00 am

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: i was in a dreamless slumber

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: for Samik to grow up, and grow some balls!
30. Last time you saw your father: hmm..that will be almost 4 hours back.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i was not FAT or overweight, because then maybe i would take pride in myself and be more confident.
32. Most visited web page: blogger for sure

Whats your:

33. Name: Phoenix?Raka

34. Nicknames: Pupu /Shonai

35. Zodiac sign: Virgo

36. Male or female or transgender : Female for sure

37. Elementary: Bal Nilay

38. School: Loreto, Kolkata

39. Colleges: JU-Jadavpur University

40.Hair color: brownish black

41. Long or short: long wavy with lots of cuts!

42. Height: not tall.. just average.. rather on the shorter side

43. Do you have a crush on someone? Not now.

44. Ever been in love? Yes.

45. Piercings? Pierced ears and nose

46. Tattoos? No

47. Righty or lefty: Righty

48. First surgery: None...not as yet...

49. First piercing: I cant remember..

50. First best friend: Sayanti

51. First sport you loved: Badminton or is it skating?

52. First pet : Dog..

53. First vacation: Darjeeling

54. First concert: Mom's concert of Rabindrasangeet...

55. First crush: Soumya..

RIGHT NOW:

56. Eating: Aloo chop

57. Drinking: coffee

58. I'm about to: go to the loo...oppsy

59. Listening to: Mom yelling at me to drink lots of water

60. Waiting for: Samik to grow up and out of the shadows of his mother..sigh! :(

YOUR FUTURE
61. Want kids? Absolutely.. like you need to ask..

62. Want to get married? Yup :D totally

63. Careers in mind? Journalism, and Advertising

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

64. Lips or eyes: Eyes

65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs

66. Shorter or taller: Taller

67. Older or Younger: Older

68. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic

69. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice Stomach

70. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
71. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship

72. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER :

73. Kissed a stranger: :O Never..

74. Lost glasses/contacts: nope

76. Broken someone's heart: no not consciously, but it happened after he broke mine and came back only after i had moved on in life...

77. Had your own heart broken: erm..yea

78. Been arrested: Naah.. never!

79. Turned someone down: Yes

80. Cried when someone died: Yes

81. Liked a friend that is a girl? Absolutely.. i love my girl friends... *wink* *wink*

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

81. Yourself: No i dont... :(

82. Miracles: I'm hopeful so.. yea

83. God: Without doubt.

84. Love at first sight: No

85. Heaven: NO

86. Santa Claus: Yes!!!

87. Kiss on the first date? Nope.. that's way to fast for my tastes

88. Angels: Yes..

89. Devils: O yea... the pain in the butt people.. who drive me mad!

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

90. Is there one person you want to be with right now? hmm yes...

91. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Noway...

92. Wanted to kill someone ever? Yes.Samik.. he pisses me like no one else... :) damn!

93. Among you blog mates, whom would you like to kiss? everyone knows im committed... :( noone loves me the other way..*crib* *crib* in guys... its Mayank and Nikhil..:) and girls.. well i could go on and on.. but i'll limit myself to Anwesa,Richa,Harshi and Yams

94. Committed a blunder and regretted later? hmm ya... still regretting.. :P saying 'YES' to samik!! lol! :P

95. Wanted to steal you friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? but i have one of my own why would i steal anyone else's?? duh!

Associate with something you wear:

96. White: My lacy kurta which i wear with red dupatta

97. Black:the half sleeved shirt that i have

98. Red: I have at least 4 red tops/tees/kurtas in my wadrope.. and its not conscious

99. Pink:A collared tee.. the pink is beautiful.. its not the girl type..really light

100. Posting this as 100 Truths? without a doubt!!

Now i tag Harshita, Yams, Dhanya, Americanising Desi, Arnab and Richa

Hey I'm Back!

Last few days has passed, even before i knew what was happening. despite coming back from the trip, neither did i have the energy nor the mental stamina to blog about it. for that matter i have tons of things i need to do but i just never managed to. with tests and assignments flooding in, getting over the trip hangover was another thing i had to deal with.

The trip was that of a lifetime. despite the hype and expectations, it was good in parts and mostly disappointing. letting our hair down, enjoying with friends especially those who are like minded makes a holiday a blissful one, add to it some spectacular scenic beauty. what i best loved was the evening we spent all together, stretched out on the easy chairs, enjoying our chilled drinks, chatting up, as the breeze caressed our face as the horizon stretched out as a mesmerizing view. it was perfect. almost! what i probably expected was some basic things but then those get dashed unceremoniously. anyway i enjoyed myself immensely, had some awesome food. for pictures, do drop in your mail id's so that i can invite u to my photo blog.

Now on to other stuff. i feel proud of and happy for a dear friend, who on the basis or sheer hard work has made it to the B-school in Pune. CONGRATULATIONS Yams!! And here's wishing you the very best of luck of a golden future ahead! :)

Things however isn't all happy on my end. iv heard some really bad news lately. my late friend Papri's mom expired on Sunday, and i got to know the sad news while on the trip. it was earth shattering, a person whom i met exactly one year back and now she is no more, its the most hurtful thing. i feel sorry for uncle who has lost not only his only daughter;Papri and now his wife. may god give uncle the strength to bear this huge loss and may aunty's soul rest in peace.

Uncle, Richa's dad has met with an accident. and Samik's niece Mohor too isnt well, and was admitted in the hospital and was in a serious condition. so here's wishing both Mohor and Uncle a speedy recovery. Get Well Soon!!

Moreover, i have been a really bad girl, i haven't taken out time for my blogger friends, Richa, Nikhil and Anwesa; i haven't been able to come online neither have i managed to keep up with them, however that is about to change now! guys I'm Sorry! i hope you are not angry! pretty polly please!

Another 25 days and I'm outta college and i cant explain just how happy that makes me feel! but the nagging fear is there, what if the sliver of hope gets dashed and my dreams don't come true? i know i will put in my best and the rest is well up to what has been destined for me. O yea! I forgot! remember? i told you, about the undeserving people getting through an interview at Google? well most of us got the call for the next round of the interview. yea me too! Yahoo! the interview went well! waiting for the results now! I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

i hope you all are well? :) how you doin? joey ishtlye!! a la friends :P :)

Be Right Back!

Im pretty messed up at the moment. assignment to copy into fair, tests to study for, my niece to look after and then the trip. well more on the latter in two days. so that means i wont be present until Thursday evening to blog. i hope you guys wont miss me much. loads of pictures will surely come your way soon. since i dont have much to write now neither do i have time.. loads of chores are pending and its a pain i tell you, specially when i have a headache and im feeling sleepy as hell. so you guys get to sit back and enjoy while im gone? hell no! :D your homework is, tell me something about me that you would have told me if given an oppertunity. ok you can say bad things and good things as well, you can give me advice or tips to be a better blogger, you can be funny and sarcky or appreciative too.. whatever it is just be you and talk to me...just dont be abusive :)

tum log bhi soch rahe ho.. bap re kya ladki hai..khud toh kuch nahi likheygi...aur kaam humse hi kar waye gi.. hehe... kya karen hum aise hi hain... :P

The thing called LOVE!?

Sometimes i wonder what is it drives people to love? they approach the object of that compelling love, risking rejection to confess his/her feelings. and then what? with time slowly love becomes a habit and soon its nothing but a charade. sounds cynical? its true.

I doubt if most people realize the kind of commitment or responsibility they are about to take up when they approach someone with their feelings. most often i see people going miles for the person they love but once they become sure of the other persons feelings they sit back and stop trying. nothing can be worse fate to this so called love when in the guise of stability habit takes over the spontaneity of love. when it comes to confessing the feelings people are too eager but when it comes to actually doing something for the relationship, most often people shy away. 'i love you' is replaced by "if you don't like me.. we can break up '.

What really vexes me is, why don't most men decide for themselves what they are getting themselves into when they decide for a relationship. okay i maybe a lil unfair here generalizing men, but hey i know there are good men around just that they are too few and unfortunately most of us girls are unlucky to have missed those genuine ones in our lives. i mean seriously, in the early courtship period, guys do everything in their capacity to impress to win love and attention from the girl, and once the target is achieved all that comes to a girl is neglect. because even if the girl gives the guy a hard time before saying a 'yes' to the relationship, but once the girl is committed she is totally loyal and dedicated, and the guys... well they stop doing anything once they get the girl they want.

love is such a sweet feeling. if you are in love with someone you want to make that special person feel loved and wanted, you want to make her feel like she is the most important one in life. you try and be there for her, stick up for her, protect her and give her not only what every girl deserves- love respect,trust and understanding; but also what she needs. you dont just take her for granted, throw attitude and expect her to keep the relationship running and do nothing to help her. if sitting back and seeing things get done something you want then why get into a relationship, if you cant be a man enough to be a good BF to her. is giving her a hard time, compelling her to kill her desires and wants from her relationship, what a girl deserves? most honest men, make a woman feel loved and wanted. they pull out the stops, to be the best man she encountered, they would make the girl feel loved not just on Valentines day but make every day a Valentines day. and yes such men exists, just that men nowadays are wimps who need girl friends to show off and care two hoots for the girl they are with. such men are wimps and total mamma's boys good-for-nothing morons, who get into a relationship for the sake of it, not knowing the true meaning of love.

If this is what love is, i wish i never knew love. because what i thought was just my problem turns out to be a mass problem, one that almost every girl in a relationship is facing.Singledom truly rocks! i wish i could go back to those days, where despite being single, i was never alone, i was in love with 'love' but never felt the need to love someone, and surely there was no heartache. truly those were the best days of my life. love is but an illusion.

P.S- DONT bombard me with are you okay's please. im fine. just plain bitter and disappointed about my experiences. nothing serious though. so please dont jump into conclusions.

Yams thinks i'm cute! :)

Yams aka Yamini has tagged me, and i have gratefully accepted it. this is the cute blogger award that she has given me too. thanks Yams.. you're a sweetheart!

Rules~i need to write 10 cute things about me... :)

1. I am ME, and im not about to change for anything in the world that makes me cute.
2. I'm a patient and dedicated a masi to my niece Roshni.
3. i'm hardworking person.
4. i put others before me, always.
5. im a mature and responsible adult.
6. i have a whacky sense of humor.
7. i'm told [by Samik] when i get angry i sound cute. lol!
8. no matter what happens, even the most serious of problems, i always hide my anguish and sorrows beneath my smile, trying to overcome the worse.
9. no matter what, i never do give up on hope.
10. when im angry,excited,blushing or plain nervous; my face and ears get all heated and red. :)

Now, i tag Anwesa,Dhanya,Pink Orchid,Americanising Desi,The rat, Richa and Harshita.

Happy Holi!

Here's wishing a very Happy Holi, to you and your family.
Have a safe and colourful Holi.

Relationship Woes

Its 4.33am and I'm still up. waiting for Samik to mail. yes he has night shifts and I'm up keeping him company, not because I'm Expected to but because i Want to; so all the plans for doing great things because my boy friend is having night shifts have gone to waste. okay while on the topic of my post on "5 benefits of your boy friend working night shifts" and the comments i got from it i get the idea for this post [thank god! :) because i was totally floundering] now some enjoyed what i wrote and some were apprehensive of Samik's reaction. now this gives me the food to think about the importance of space in a relationship.

I was reading in Harshita's blog where she wrote about relationships and if with marriage ends everything that was there, friends etc before marriage. so that gives me enough things to answer. see a relationship is a simple and tender thing. its all about balance. why would a guy dictate what the girl should do and not? the girl in turn has to use her sensibilities to do things within limits. why do anything to jeopardize your marriage or relationship? its the same for guys as well. if there is space in a relationship and trust, then everything else falls into place. like yea if samik read the post maybe he wont be happy but then he will realize or i hope he does, that my life centers around him and i do things willingly but i also do miss out on friends etc sometimes i do need and yearn for these things and if by coincidence i get the opportunity then why not grab it and put it to full use? would he rather i sit back having nothing to do and be cranky because he is not around to keep me company?I'm sure he wouldn't like a whiny girl friend. and if he doesn't understand than its his bad luck but thankfully he understands.

See the thing is friends are as important as boy friend/girl friend. when the respective other gives you a hard time the friends support you. and when the friends give you a hard time BF/GF is there. Not just that, you need support systems. i mean yea you are in a relationship does that mean you will ignore friends?hell no? why should you? but of course there are possibilities that the person you are friends with may be a trouble to your relationship, then it is on you to judge if there is at all any such threat to the relationship and if you can rationalize that it is not then why bow down to your partners insecurities and loose a friend. of late i have heard my friends loosing out of friends because they choose their relationships over friendship and i was aghast. insecurities and jealousies are like a part of a relationship, it is upon us how we handle it.. if they are still there then the problem then its our inability to make our respective others feel secure about us. Balance is the greatest lessons in life, even the nature thrives on balance [read:life cycle] then why not practice it, if it yields good results. why give up friends for suspecting and distrustful partners? and why give more priority to worthless friends and ignore losing partners? so the trick to maintain healthy professional and personal lives is to maintain balance and space in all relationships.

The moment we stop being guided by the things we SHOULD do and do things Because we WANT to do, life is a lot easier. one should always consult their others on things but the decision should be ours ultimately, and ours alone. if we have our conscience clear, and are guided by it then no insecurity or misunderstandings occur, hence a less complicated and hassle free life!

P.S-If you didn't get a thing of what i said.. i don't blame you..seriously i don't..its just that I'm awake for awhile now so in all probability i don't make sense.. it isn't making sense to me..anyway...you guys didn't tell me how my new template is? BTW i lost most of your links while formatting my blog..i tried restoring most.. still...do comment so that i can link you back... :) thanks in advance!

5 reasons why i'm proud being a woman!

There are times in the month or moments in life i just hate being a woman. those days of pain and discomfort, the PMS, those leches stares, the feeling of insignificance when I'm made to feel like a sexual object and i could go on. but on a day when we celebrate woman empowerment, here are the five reasons why I'm proud to be a woman.

• Strength- those who disrespect woman for being weak don't what exactly they are talking about. physically we may not be able to match up with the men but we do where it matters the most; the mind and body. we have the will power to survive against all odds, we alone are able to bring forth our flesh and blood and give the little one a life. we bear whatever comes our way, to ensure our loved ones are not in the way of harm. a mother who looses a baby makes the attempt to live for the one who survives.
  

• Unselfish and Generous- a woman always thinks of others before herself. despite being hungry herself she will feed the others who may have even subjected her to various anomalies. she doesn't think twice to put others before herself. and the beautiful life she builds around her is based on her muted sacrifices and the numerous compromises she makes.

• Docile and Brave- she may appear docile but when there is a threat to herself or her loved ones, she protests and hits back courageously.

• Homebody and a career woman- today's women are career oriented but she doesn't neglect her duties towards her family. she is a good daughter, sister, mother and wife and manages her various roles in her family and career front with elan.

• Giver- she toils hard to sustain the foetus growing in her with utmost love and care, goes through the agony of having her life ripped apart to give birth to her baby and yet smiles in encouragement in the prospect of doing it all over again just to see the smiling face of her child.

All this and much more makes women all the more special. and makes me a proud that im woman. wishing all you great ladies out there a very Happy Woman's Day!

WTF!!

okay this is surely a WTF! moment. i hope you guys remember i had gone for the Google interview etc? well apparently they called a few people from our class for the other interviews. damn! don't ask, most of us didn't make the cut. surprises? well kinda but then this isn't the end of the world and all that. but hey the drastic bit is the few people of our class got through, who personally some of us feel don't shouldn't even be there, among the ones chosen is one most deserving girl, a hardworking at that and a good academician. but if this is the kinda people who get through then boy! my future seems bleak. now this doesn't mean that i am excellent or most deserving but really shocking to see Bengali medium people who don't even take English as optional to make the cut and others, specially Firefly to not get through. damn this is the most disgusting thing to ever happen. the disappointment is there for sure. but more so is the WTF moment, where you are so damn pissed at fate and everything else that was unjust. god save me from plunging into pitless despair!! am i all that bad?! damn! cruel fate!

In the most darkest hour of despair,
Is born a hope.
A hope for things to be resolved.
Heart anguished for the one it loves;
Turns to the one it seeks,
desperately.
In tears, and grief,
Thoughts disappears,
What remains is love;
Unchallenged and much craved.
In the battle of life, eventually,
Love triumphs.

Pain penetrates me,
drop, by drop.
-Sappho

5 Benifits of your boy friend working night shifts!

Phew! when i heard Samik's department going global, the first thing i felt was despair for him who has a hard time working night shifts as his biological clock gets messed up etc etc. but then i actually found out glorious 5 benifits that im going to enjoy just because my delicate darling of a BF working night shifts. its revenge time!! wuhuuhahaha! :) :P

• SLEEP- yes i will get a good 8 hours of sleep. why? well basically i wake up early by say 7 latest. then i have hordes of chores to do, tuition's and then college, and so on and so forth. in my busy schedule which involves mostly running from one point to another, using my brains sitting in the most analytical and logical classes, then returning home to study for the next day. then there is blogging.. i ll come to that later. you can imagine that by 11pm i am slowly nearing absolute breakdown. do i sleep then? no i have boy friend duty after all! i stay up till 2 to talk to the moron because after a long day he doesn't feel like sleeping and the sweet, self sacrificing idiot that i am, i am there without thinking of the millions of things that awaits me the next morning. so while i struggle with less sleep and fatigue, my stupid moron; Samik sleeps his full quota of sleep and calls me just when my prof walks into the class room. so now at least i get to sleep more. phew!

• BLOG- i have Internet from 8pm-8am as most know.. i know i know it sucks but works fine for me :) so after studying i manage to be online after 9, then replying to mails etc and just when i sit for blogging, yes the moron puts up an appearance. and he gets irritated because i can multitask, chat blog and talk to him that is. and he cribs for attention. so most often i have to abandon my friends and the beautiful conversations I'm invariably having just to attend to the cry baby. so now you know why i haven't been attentive and been commenting frequently.. marooo usse aur maroo... not me.. but Samik :D :P

• STUDIES- i really have a terrible time studying because every time i sit to study, i get his call as he is on a break. not that i don't love it, i do. but leaving aside whatever I'm studying i attend his call. sometimes it hinders if I'm teaching my student or I'm commuting back home. so at least on that front i get some respite :)

• PEACE & QUITE- now i get to attend my classes without having to sms in between. or even try and sneak in calls here and there in between two classes. things will be a lot calm that way.

• REVENGE- most importantly i ll be able to take revenge from Samik for belittling my hectic schedules. not just that, he doesn't give me attention, and takes things for granted, and has huge expectations and doesn't appreciate me for the things i do for him or that fact that i go out of my way to adjust and accommodate him. now since he will have the day time all to himself with nothing much to do. i ll be the busy bee not giving him any attention at all.. whoohoo what fun!!

And now for some worthy good nights sleep..cheerio people.. sweet dreams :D :)

PS- people i need a new template... please help :)

Boulevard of Broken Dreams

I've been really lousy the last few days in blogging. don't ask me why but I'm not in my usual element of late and i didn't want to let my gloomy state of mind to effect my blog and all the beautiful people who read it. it isn't a nice feeling when you read a blog and all you get are really negative vibe. so till i am a little sorted out, do be patient.

We all grow up with dreams. dreams that someday we hope to turn to reality. little do we know that reality is rather harsh, and that in reality if you are really fortunate then your dreams come true. most often than not, dreams die under the tremendous wrath of destiny. it hurts when you see that world you had envisioned crumble down right when you had expected it to stand the tests of time. the earth shattering feeling of a lost dream, ends the last illusion of innocence. that's when you know its time to grow up. yes I'm coming to terms with my broken dreams, dreams which i was confident of turning into my reality. i guess I'm among those whose dreams remain a dream. yea it pains me much now, but someday i hope i can look back and say maybe what happened, was for my good after all. now please don't tell me to have faith etc, it is true i know but at a moment like this I'm hardly in a state to comfort myself with these things. maybe someday i will understand but for now. id rather it the way it is. coming to terms with a broken dreams is a helluva task but I'm trying... and will continue to do so until i succeed.