Forgive and Forget

When you are in love with someone you know that there will be fights, there will be situations when the love of your life will act just a little weird, that is when you have to stand tall and say "baby I understand, this is a bad phase, this too shall pass!" Then there are times when everything  goes downhill, when despite trying everything, nothing made a difference; but you still hold on, because you know love will see you through.

Most often we forget to do the one thing that is most important, when we have a problem with the one we love. We choose to bottle things up, we tell our friends, we rant on social media, we let it all pile up or even act irrationally and vent our pent up frustration by just having one of the greatest fights ever. We never consider to talk to our partner about it. Alternatively, we never give our partner the importance to hear him or her out, we get defensive, too absorbed by other things that we ignore the needs, the pleas of the one we love the most. Sad but true. Then the pent up emotions erupts, harsh words are exchanged, hurt slashes painfully and that part of your heart you hold sacred shrinks smaller and smaller.

Sometimes, we realize sooner than later, that the words spoken has hurt our loved one and make amends too. The same loved one you can barely see go through any kind of pain, be it a blister on the feet or a migraine attack; is now hurt by your harsh words. Most often we fail to fathom the extent of damage that we have done which has corroded our relationship. We choose ego and our belief of what is self respect over love and lose a perfectly beautiful relationship. We forget that with time we can put behind a fight but the words spoken echoes long after they were said, haunting and scarring and ultimately destroying the love that you once prized so much.

Often we find it hard to forget, but it is still in our capacity to forgive and move on. When forgiving becomes difficult, moving on becomes the only option. Relationships are so difficult to nurture, giving up is tough, walking away is heartbreaking. So why not make the effort to love it like we did on the first day we realized we were in love? Why not make love a habit and a way of our life and not just those rare days when you feel taken over by the strong indulgent need to express and endorse love? By loving each day, we value every little thing we do for the one we love, we cherish every little thing that is done for us and ultimately we avoid saying or doing things when things comes to a pass where forgiving and forgetting have to be resorted to.

Love is essentially the most important feeling that guides us through every thing that we do. Be it the food we like eating, the person we want to wake up to, the clothes we prefer to wear or the job we do. Love makes all the difference! So love freely, love indulgently, love obsessively, love passionately, love like there is no tomorrow. Make love a way of life, love will see you through the time of strife! Love will ensure you never have to forgive or forget! Love is the only thing that makes this journey worthwhile.

Naked Thoughts

I have been plagued by this thought and i just cant help but ask you guys something... 

Does being in a relationship make it mandatory for a

 girl to comply to the advances of her guy,

even if she doesnt not want it, or is not in a mood for it?

Does the girl have a right/ choice to refuse the guy??

And if the guy forces himself on the girl 

[that is if she doesnt want it and he goes ahead]

can a girl term it as molestation?

Now a little personal question.. its ok if you choose not to answer but if you can i will really be obliged.

Is feelings important in an intimate situation? 

or its ok if he/she has feelings.. if they dont then just go ahead and enjoy the moment

Disclaimer: the author does not wish to generalize.. she is just curious... :)

501. R.e.m.i.n.i.s.c.e.n.c.e

They say that you don't make good friends in the virtual world.And we,the current generation is very much ridiculed by our predecessors for the extreme thin line precision at which almost all of our relationships go.I would however differ in this regard.Even though most relationships thrive on a very thin line,unfortunately,some do get above all those notions paving way for ultimate bliss....

And the one I share with the author (Raka/Phoenix) is one such.... :) Ultimate bliss....!!!!!!

I first come across her blog in the last quarter of 2008 and something which attracted me the most right away,was the fact that Raka was supremely modest and frank on all that she had been writing about.And my observation is very well reiterated by the many number of readers who flock around here...That is also because the blog readers have also evolved wonderfully well..Gone are those days,when people used to run behind a touch of flamboyance or gossip or sweet talk.

Plain incidents of one's life serve as a stepping stone in defining most others.

And that has been the most amazing thing behind the woman,herself.And as time went by,I got ever so wonderfully addicted to this space.Reading the Destiny's Child was like reading the newspaper first up in the morning for she was soo very punctual with her posts.The world through her eyes was and still is an extremely wonderful experience.And then came social networking sites to the foray,I found her on one of them and we were friends soon enough.As time went by,so did things fall into place ever-so-wonderfully well.


As things stand today,close to 6 months from our first real conversation on the telephone,I have learned more things from her than I could have ever given her.The humongous multi dimensions of the people inhabiting the earth,the life and times of an Indian girl coupled with the realities that they have to face in life,the flashes of the child in her who wishes to go places fueled by her ambitions,the woman in her who is a great source of emotional life support system to most people around her(including ME),an insight into the life of a perfectionist who has a very good head above her shoulders and whose feet are completely firm on the ground--I could just go on and on and on.The mere fact is,seldom have I been able to see people of the current generation who have had a better outlook on life than raka and in these times,I have never been ashamed to take a leaf out of hers and incorporate them into mine.After all,she is indeed MINE..... :D

And in these times,there sure has been my share of PR disasters(I am GOD) but unlike the previous times where in,I thought it transpired thanks to me,Raka has made me realise that it ain't really so and put a whole new dimension into my thought process..I don't really think about them now anymore,for I have her...forever...and ever....and ever.... :)



And now when I come across myself as one of those very lucky few who have been fortunate enough to adorn this space,I thank her for all the wonderful moments that have transpired in between the two of us in this short span of time,for putting up with me,the number of times I have put her in utter disarray through my umpteen SMS's (yeah,messaging is free for me..Want a bite??get in touch.. :p ) and missed calls and also those phone calls sometimes- just hoping that these times do last forever.....

Love you ever so much.....*Hugs*
yours Multi(Nikhil)Menon

Yeah,I am praying for your admission at MASCOM more than anyone else and you know why...!! :D

Raindrops and Roses..

It rained last night, almost. the short spell of shower induced the wet-earth spell that i so love and i was lost. this has to be the first of the rain influenced posts that are due this rainy season, friends who read me for a long time now will definitely agree :) i have this strange thing with rain. it makes me happy and sad at the same time. in kolkata, yes that's where i stay, rain is associated with water logging and a bad case at that, not as bad as Mumbai though but pretty bad, i mean we are still known for it. anyway who cares at least we get a few unapproved leaves right?


Waking up to rainy days ranks among the first of the things i absolutely love. the cold cold feeling, snuggling deeper into the sheets, the pitter patter raindrops on the glass pane, is simply heavenly. days like this, i simply wear an old sweatshirt and worn out jeans and socks, pull my legs beneath me and simply blog or read a good book while dad brings in some great coffee!! sigh!! I'm already back in time it seems, even though rain has long since stopped...


Rainy days like these are a big with Samik and me. i remember once it had rained cats and dogs, and it was the last day of Samik's before he joined office. and we just had to spend that day together, yet the transport situation was real bad. but somehow Samik waded through knee deep water till my place, where i was waiting with rolled up jeans, flip flips, umbrella in hand trying to almost wade through all that water just to meet him. that day we walked almost two kilometers to Barista for coffee and it was heavenly. With freshly brewed coffee sat there, with muffins and pastries as we chatted to our hearts content, watching the city in inaction. it was in a way surreal..


Some day those were..once.. this was really early into our courtship maybe just months into our relationship.. in those days, back when i was in school... Samik would persuade me for a week and half and then id relent to meet him. so our meetings would be few and far in between. once dad went to Hyderabad for the Asian Games and i pataoed mom to the hilt and asked her for those 5 days as a gift, and those 5 days were ours and just for ours to live. we met in rain and in sun and literally so. it was hot and sultry the first 2 days and then it poured and how. dad once called me and i was nowhere near home he tells me "i just saw the tv. they are saying Kolkata is under water due to heavy rains. where are you?" and I'm like "baba im with friends in our locality it is hardly that bad!" when i was actually miles away from home and still in a much water logged area!! but it was all good fun!! :) really its getting me nostalgic here... so what happened?? well those initial months became years... and now 5 years into the relationship.. Samik is working and i'm on my way out of college.. finally life caught up on us..now its more like.."yes it happened.. once upon a time...."sigh! :)

Real Men

I'm not a feminist. I believe in gender equalities. my idea about men was pretty limited to my dad specially since i have grown up in an all girls convent school and i didn't really have brothers as role models. and i must say i haven't done pretty bad myself, because my dad fits the role of an ideal man to me. i know, i know, you just be thinking " how obvious! Daddy's little girl.." etc etc no its not that, i have met friends who happen to be men and they seem well turned out as well. but of late the men i come across, friends and other Friend's boy friends, well I'm beginning to feel a lot disillusioned.. don't ask me why.. men that i come across are wimps, half formed personalities and a mere shadow of their mothers, and are too weak to handle. now now, don't get me wrong. I'm not against men here, just a few men who just are not able to be what they should be.

i mean when i think of the word man, the words that come to my mind are, strong, someone you can depend on, has a personality, can carry himself well,serious yet witty, sensitive and caring, thoughtful and interesting, is chivalrous and has manners. i have friends, both real and virtual, who embody all this and more. so i refuse to believe that real men doesn't not exist. we all know men are from Mars and women are from Venus, John Gray explains it quite well in his book of the same title. so i believe as a woman it is tough to judge men and vice verse. but then it is important to analyse men specially the one you are dating, because once you do, you know just why things are the way they are in your relationship.

see basically most girls have the same problems, he doesn't give me time etc etc... but then what we don't bother to find out is, most of these problems stem from ill formed personalities and deformed individuality. most men nowadays [my blogger friends excluded because, most of whom i read are prototypes of what i consider real men, at least they possess most attributes] are wimps and such big sissies. i ll state a few incidents, tell me what you think of my take on it..

I mean ya parents come first, i wouldn't hear any less but then if you are in a relationship, one that you have chosen, then why don't you have the balls to stand up to your mom for your girl? i mean yea your mom may have problems of sharing you with another girl, whom she considers a threat, if she cant understand you do, simple. but no, darling son will get manipulated and will never see the bigger picture. so the lesson, if you cant face your mom, then don't be in a relationship.

Everyone nowadays lives to work, or works to live; granted. but then if you cant balance work and your relationship, why get into one anyway? i have this girl friend whose boy friend hasn't met her in the last 4 months just because he is careerist and a workaholic, i mean WTF! good you are workaholic and ambitious but then why are you in a relationship? poor girl waits in hope when someday he will make time to meet her. mind you, they are from the same city. Real men take time out of their busy schedule even for a minute to drop an sms to their girls, but morons just don't bother and have excuses ready for not doing it.Balance is the key word, either prioritize your life or don't get into a relationship for which you don't have an aptitude.

Most men, are charmers, they woo their girl with flamboyance and love. but as years go by the unreal men tell their girls "5 years later what do you expect? the romance and all are a mere figment of imagination!" o really? a real man would make everyday okay not maybe every day, most days, a day filled with love. i mean why do you get into all that trouble of wooing the girl, when you will reduce her to a show piece?

Manners, when we were in school we were taught hordes of them. most men are not taught them but they turn out just fine but some "unreal" men are like pigs let loose on paddy fields. seriously. these men don't open doors for their girls, neither do they pull the chairs for her, they don't have table manners. sheesh! these men will walk right ahead, not caring if their girl is being cowered in a crowd, they wont think twice to walk with her and protect her from being jostled by the crowd. such men are truly disgusting! if you don't know how to behave in social circuits why don't just stay home! losers!!

But having said that i must say, the men i idolize or think are close to what i consider perfect in men, truly exhibit the qualities that most girls look in a man. my question to you is, for both for men and women is, what is your idea of a perfect man? or let me rephrase it. what are the qualities that men should have?

The thing called LOVE!?

Sometimes i wonder what is it drives people to love? they approach the object of that compelling love, risking rejection to confess his/her feelings. and then what? with time slowly love becomes a habit and soon its nothing but a charade. sounds cynical? its true.

I doubt if most people realize the kind of commitment or responsibility they are about to take up when they approach someone with their feelings. most often i see people going miles for the person they love but once they become sure of the other persons feelings they sit back and stop trying. nothing can be worse fate to this so called love when in the guise of stability habit takes over the spontaneity of love. when it comes to confessing the feelings people are too eager but when it comes to actually doing something for the relationship, most often people shy away. 'i love you' is replaced by "if you don't like me.. we can break up '.

What really vexes me is, why don't most men decide for themselves what they are getting themselves into when they decide for a relationship. okay i maybe a lil unfair here generalizing men, but hey i know there are good men around just that they are too few and unfortunately most of us girls are unlucky to have missed those genuine ones in our lives. i mean seriously, in the early courtship period, guys do everything in their capacity to impress to win love and attention from the girl, and once the target is achieved all that comes to a girl is neglect. because even if the girl gives the guy a hard time before saying a 'yes' to the relationship, but once the girl is committed she is totally loyal and dedicated, and the guys... well they stop doing anything once they get the girl they want.

love is such a sweet feeling. if you are in love with someone you want to make that special person feel loved and wanted, you want to make her feel like she is the most important one in life. you try and be there for her, stick up for her, protect her and give her not only what every girl deserves- love respect,trust and understanding; but also what she needs. you dont just take her for granted, throw attitude and expect her to keep the relationship running and do nothing to help her. if sitting back and seeing things get done something you want then why get into a relationship, if you cant be a man enough to be a good BF to her. is giving her a hard time, compelling her to kill her desires and wants from her relationship, what a girl deserves? most honest men, make a woman feel loved and wanted. they pull out the stops, to be the best man she encountered, they would make the girl feel loved not just on Valentines day but make every day a Valentines day. and yes such men exists, just that men nowadays are wimps who need girl friends to show off and care two hoots for the girl they are with. such men are wimps and total mamma's boys good-for-nothing morons, who get into a relationship for the sake of it, not knowing the true meaning of love.

If this is what love is, i wish i never knew love. because what i thought was just my problem turns out to be a mass problem, one that almost every girl in a relationship is facing.Singledom truly rocks! i wish i could go back to those days, where despite being single, i was never alone, i was in love with 'love' but never felt the need to love someone, and surely there was no heartache. truly those were the best days of my life. love is but an illusion.

P.S- DONT bombard me with are you okay's please. im fine. just plain bitter and disappointed about my experiences. nothing serious though. so please dont jump into conclusions.

Relationship Woes

Its 4.33am and I'm still up. waiting for Samik to mail. yes he has night shifts and I'm up keeping him company, not because I'm Expected to but because i Want to; so all the plans for doing great things because my boy friend is having night shifts have gone to waste. okay while on the topic of my post on "5 benefits of your boy friend working night shifts" and the comments i got from it i get the idea for this post [thank god! :) because i was totally floundering] now some enjoyed what i wrote and some were apprehensive of Samik's reaction. now this gives me the food to think about the importance of space in a relationship.

I was reading in Harshita's blog where she wrote about relationships and if with marriage ends everything that was there, friends etc before marriage. so that gives me enough things to answer. see a relationship is a simple and tender thing. its all about balance. why would a guy dictate what the girl should do and not? the girl in turn has to use her sensibilities to do things within limits. why do anything to jeopardize your marriage or relationship? its the same for guys as well. if there is space in a relationship and trust, then everything else falls into place. like yea if samik read the post maybe he wont be happy but then he will realize or i hope he does, that my life centers around him and i do things willingly but i also do miss out on friends etc sometimes i do need and yearn for these things and if by coincidence i get the opportunity then why not grab it and put it to full use? would he rather i sit back having nothing to do and be cranky because he is not around to keep me company?I'm sure he wouldn't like a whiny girl friend. and if he doesn't understand than its his bad luck but thankfully he understands.

See the thing is friends are as important as boy friend/girl friend. when the respective other gives you a hard time the friends support you. and when the friends give you a hard time BF/GF is there. Not just that, you need support systems. i mean yea you are in a relationship does that mean you will ignore friends?hell no? why should you? but of course there are possibilities that the person you are friends with may be a trouble to your relationship, then it is on you to judge if there is at all any such threat to the relationship and if you can rationalize that it is not then why bow down to your partners insecurities and loose a friend. of late i have heard my friends loosing out of friends because they choose their relationships over friendship and i was aghast. insecurities and jealousies are like a part of a relationship, it is upon us how we handle it.. if they are still there then the problem then its our inability to make our respective others feel secure about us. Balance is the greatest lessons in life, even the nature thrives on balance [read:life cycle] then why not practice it, if it yields good results. why give up friends for suspecting and distrustful partners? and why give more priority to worthless friends and ignore losing partners? so the trick to maintain healthy professional and personal lives is to maintain balance and space in all relationships.

The moment we stop being guided by the things we SHOULD do and do things Because we WANT to do, life is a lot easier. one should always consult their others on things but the decision should be ours ultimately, and ours alone. if we have our conscience clear, and are guided by it then no insecurity or misunderstandings occur, hence a less complicated and hassle free life!

P.S-If you didn't get a thing of what i said.. i don't blame you..seriously i don't..its just that I'm awake for awhile now so in all probability i don't make sense.. it isn't making sense to me..anyway...you guys didn't tell me how my new template is? BTW i lost most of your links while formatting my blog..i tried restoring most.. still...do comment so that i can link you back... :) thanks in advance!

Valentine's day celebrations

Yeah still a little drunk... literally and otherwise on Valentines Day spirit! i just wanted to share just what i did to make my day a memorable one.

thats my gift to samik

The fact that Samik is not going to Bangalore after all may be a stale news but it was the one thing i was grateful of all throughout the day. i just couldn't bring myself to imagine, what if samik had to go? would my day still hold as much love and happiness as today? i guess not. with no fear of separation haunting me, i let my hair down and relaxed and enjoyed myself thoroughly today. first i sent Samik a voice sms yesterday night to wish him, and he was mighty happy and surprised. Our excitement and love was so great, specially since we fought earlier on, that we couldn't help but tell each other what we are gifting each other!! :D :P and guess what? we both got each other almost identical stuff; a watch a card and that too in a matching carry bag and cases!! take about great minds thinking alike!! phew!! :D :P lolzy!

samik's gift me

Then Yours Truly cooked lunch, okay i just made the chicken and mom made the rest. samik was prompt on time after his office and we had a hearty meal.btw he did say the chicken was delicious.. even if he didn't... i know i loved the food i cooked! :P The afternoon passed lazing around with mom. early evening we strolled on our terrace and chatted up. and left later to a ancient Kolkata tour. we went to the second Hoogly Bridge, the city lights shinning over the river Hoogly was a spectacular view. then we made our way to one of the poshest Restaurants on Part Street, our first formal dinner, with vodka for me and beer for samik, a first too, that too together :D now you know why I'm rambling? coz yea even after a few minutes.. or is it hours? i do feel like i dont have any control over my senses... okay where was i? dinner.. yea.. had a wonderful meal, the band was amazing, they were playing all English hits from the 90's, that really added a lot to the mood and ambiance.

This is the first "perfect" valentines day i ever had. earlier 4 times with Samik, was marred by something or other. but this time was magnificent. and what better way to end it but by blogging about it and read the beautiful post written by Yamini on her blog.. do read it... the link is here. i hope you guys had a gala time?? Wishing you all a very happy valentines day!! hope you guys had fun!!

All about love

If you think this is a Valentines day induced post then you are wrong. Valentine's day has practically nothing to do with love, but you do get yet another reason to smile, to tell your loved one that he/she means the world to you, to shower gifts and attention to the one who completes you. love and the object of my love has been hogging every living moment in my life of late. what with Samik having to leave the city for better job offers, the prospect of dealing with life away from him and of course the insecure feelings of what next, once he left.

This week almost four years back, was marked by chaos and confusion. i was getting involved with this new friend, who slowly came to occupy a prominent space in my life. being hurt and battered from previous relationship, with emotional baggage to carry and scars that hadn't healed, i had taken the leap of faith. i have been less than perfect myself, i had built a wall around me, guarding it with my pride and self esteem and so much so that i have probably blocked Samik out, not relying or trusting him to deal with me, all these years. but when one is threatened to lose the one person who is indispensable to his /her life, then he/she realizes their true worth. maybe i did too. frankly i don't think anyone but Samik is capable of handling my atrocious temper, my fanaticism about perfection, my inherent need to critique not just others but myself; and all this and more makes Samik the one person who made me realize almost four years after being in love with him, that i really do love him and it is not just a deep seated need in me to crave for security and stability, that Samik offers me to perfection.

Funny! isn't it but my life is nothing short of being a comedy of errors and if you know me from close quarters then you'd know just what kind of love-hate relationship we share. despite being poles apart, diametrically opposite we are like paper and glue and somehow i have come to accept this imperfection and love it as well. ask me now what is love? and if I'm honest to myself id tell, i don't really know. to me love means, to be there for each other through thick and thin, to trust the other person with my mind, body and soul; to reach out to him in agony and pain, in happiness and in disdain. to feel for him enough to let down my guard and if need be, to lower my ego to reach out.

Wondering why all this talk of love? and thinking i should have posted this on valentines day? hell no, I'm not insane. like Samik i don't believe in love being reserved for valentines day, if i feel it today i will express it today and not wait till the 14th of Feb. cliched? who cares! i don't! i was scared and at my wits end, thinking of a life apart from Samik. despite being a tough girl i knew i just couldn't do it, there wasn't a scope either to revert things because there wasn't much to do. but [thankfully] or sadly.. no thankful i am that Samik is not going to Bangalore, Ive never really been this happy or relieved or so grateful to God, ever! but i am. i know what i went through and just how hard it was for me to be in a state where at night i felt relieved that samik wasn't going but then again in the morning he changed his mind, and decided to leave, it was the most traumatic week of my life but in the end relief came rushing back and i could cry with joy! i know Samik did this for me at the cost of his pride and self dignity, he sacrificed his dreams and hopes for me, and for this i respect and love him more. i always had this against him, that i could sacrifice my dreams and desires for him but he didn't love me enough to do it for me. but even though he never said those words to me, he did them for me. for the first time in life, i left happy and proud despite being defeated.

There is no pride in admitting you are wrong, in reaching out to your loved one, no shame to admit your love. i know i am being emotionally challenged, i have intimacy issues, i may not say it too often, or i may actually shrug off the feeling. but it is there, for all to see. i may be headstrong and stubborn and an extremely angry person, he maybe foolish and a moron.. a 'foolish moron' but despite the imperfections having him around completes my world, never mind the flaws and imperfections. Maybe this is love for me, and i truly Love Samik.

Being a girl is like living a life of utter indignity!

Let me warn you that i am angry and extremely pissed and this post is just a remedy to get off that thing that has turned my life living hell. So if you think you will be bored stop reading it, now or come back later when a different post is up. I should probably post this is my all girls blog but then i need to vent and i need to vent it here.
For the first time in life i felt that being a girl can be such a pain in life. Until today I have never faced the brunt of any injustice because i am a girl but what happened today made me feel bad for being a girl. What happened today shouldn't have happened and i don't know just how to get over it and move on. I know tomorrow maybe i will have better sense to look beyond everything, to regain the hope and faith and deal with this situation better but as of now, I'm angry,insulted, pissed, humiliated hurt and extremely disappointed.
A girl no matter how careerist, or homely, always envisions that the day the talks of her marriage will be broached will be a happy affair. it will be a beautiful moment that will be with her for life. I'm not different. but today my happiness turned into insult, humiliation and utter disappointment and hurt. Samik's folks brought up the topic of marriage today. its their tonality and perspective of looking at our marriage that led to this being my worst nightmare. They made me feel I'm an object.. some alu bhindi, with no dreams or desires, that i should get married and why? Because if Samik gets married then he will be settled he will learn to take responsibilities, and if he moves out of town, he will have me to take care of him. i wonder why his parents need a literature graduate servant for their son, to take care of him. i was angry and aghast. all this was coming from people who i believed loved me back, who are so concerned about me and my well being. they know about my future aspirations to study and work and yet they say stuff like this; and what could be worse, they spoke to me in third person, making me feel even worse, like "we were telling samik, get married because you will have someone to take care of you, and you wont be feeling alone or bored. having a wife will make him responsible" and i was dying to yell at them, " and what about me? and my dreams and wishes? am i that trivial?" damn!! i cant belive people in 21st century are like this, specially people who claim to love me treating me like im something that need to be weighed and sold; it hurts like hell. i cant belive that such people exist who they have double standards one reserved for thier daughter and one for their daughter-in-law.

Are we girls born only so that we can be married off?? are we not an individual at all? if any of you guys reading this, then make a mental note now; never let your parents talk you into such atrocious things, never do it to your own daughter and never ever let anyone related to you or not, go through this at all. marraige is a beautiful thing to happen, but it should happen when the time is right and when the two people are ready for it. i hope none of you have to go through what i did.

Btw NO IM NOT GETTING MARRIED!! :x

Family Day, Awards and Exams

Yesterday was family day at Samik's office. Its a yearly event and like last year, this year too i accompanied him. Now you must be wondering why the hell would i go out with my [supposed] ex? well yeah we have broken up or rather we are on a break for sometime.. we keep going out, socializing, talking over the phone and usual stuff. Don't ask me why because i don't know, except i think we cant help not doing it. But trust me it really works wonders. The kind of equation we share now, probably is not the same as we used to share when we were together, its better and more mature i guess.


O yea Family Day, well family day at HSBC is really something. i mean the saroo employers do think of their employees enough to organize such an event on a high scale each year. the best part is, the event was not about showing off how good the company is. but it was also about doing their bit for the society. the company boasts of aiding an orphanage and an old age home, and they are their sole benefactors.imagine what it would look like to see men in their late twenties on stage, in South Indian attire-lungi and shirt, baring their [sexy lol!]legs and dancing to one of my favs-appadi podu... yeah you are right they were looking absolutely cute, where else would you see IT professional, from managerial level do this?!. it takes courage to perform in front of friends and family. what was amazing was, every department did their best trying to out do the rest, which resulted in a darn good show; except the MC was atrocious, with his PJs and singing. every one was chilled and relaxed, even his moronic managers were having a gala time with their wife and kids or girl friends. i have been hearing a lot of Fresh N Honest coffee in samik's office, finally i got to savor it too.it was perfect, a lil strong but absolutely heavenly. what did i do all evening? well samik and i went for never ending walks within the compound, drinking coffee, savoring the winter chills, chatting and laughing, and watching one or two great performances. To say the least we got spotted by samik's friends and colleagues, who kinda eyed me suspiciously and gave a meek smile and disappeared! [thank god!] i just hope today at least he wont be teased at office for being in the event yet not taking part.. but my prediction says he might as well feel the heat! :P

Madam PJ has award me again and it goes without saying that I'm thrilled and honored. its the butterfly award! how i was envying all those who had it and i didn't! but now i have one to flaunt it too. :) but id like to pass it on to

*harshita
*ria
*anwesa
**luckydivs
*yamini and
*tara

because this girl gang rocks! girl power!! :)

my semesters begin in an exact week. to be honest i have not been able to make a headway in the past week, but all that is about to change, relax! no im not quitting blog world :D its just im not scared or nervous. but i will be, dont worry and you will get to know for sure :P


i hope you all have a great weekend ahead!

cheerio!

The process of separation has already begun. Nothing will defer it anymore. The heart is both happy and sad. Happy because it means, new shores beckons him to a better tomorrow. Sadness permeates when the realization dawn, that the countdown has begun; soon it will be time for him to leave. People say, it is normal, you will get used to it; but for those who live the reality know, just how distressing it is. Insecurities threaten to over power but better sensibilities prevail. Heart shatters into million pieces each time the topic comes up, the very existence is disturbed; yet smile never abandons my face, nor does optimism desert me. Tears threaten to spill, but do not. Mind is numb. How long? How long before I break down? Consequences will be disastrous. So tears and gloom will have to be masqueraded in smiles. Every passing moment have to be treasured and memorized. Life has to be lived, like there is no tomorrow. For tomorrow I may be alone, with memories for comfort. Let’s make the best of a these moments, before time runs out.

Hunt for a new boy friend

I have been having a strange problem lately. Im bored of my boy friend, he is busy all week so we hardly interact and our schedules clash so even if we want to we cant interrelate at all. I have told this to my guy but poor him, cant do a thing. I feel lonely most of the time and since suddenly I’ve turned into an introvert it is even more difficult for me. Watching the movie ‘janey tu…ya jaane na’ hasn’t helped one bit, because now I think I want to fall in love. Don’t ask with whom? Because I don’t know. But here is what I expect…..

All I want is to feel that heady feeling, the warm and fuzzy feeling that almost makes you feel giddy. I want to be pampered and I can lean on him and cry silly. I want to throw a tantrum and I want him around me 24*7. he has to be devoted to me,as I will to him, I want to feel the warmth that makes me feel that life is perfect, a person who will tell me I am not mad and crazy, a perfectionist and too mature and uptight for my years, which I am. Who will make me feel like a princess, will write me letters and poems, will spoil me rotten, will let me fuss over him, will let the child in me survive the tide in the ocean of life. A tall list eh?

Abhi told me loads of other people are actually writing posts wanting a bf and there are a lot of applicants, I doubt if anyone reading this post will volunteer but still if anyone is really interested drop me a comment or mail. Would love to get to know you and who knows we can be good friends; though I have a boy friend whom I happen to love [samik I hope you are reading this:P] if you feel I have gone bonkers please say so, if you feel you know someone who fits the bill forward his contact details to my mail [samik, I can look for greener pastures, so buck up, and pull up your socks and try harder to entertain me :D] and if you can diagnose what exactly is wrong with me then id be really grateful to you.

So finally the dreaded anniversary is over and now I can afford to heave a sigh of relief. Getting a gift for a guy can be tough. The options are minimal. The same shirts, or perfumes and deo’s, watch. Whereas gift items for girls are abundant, one can go on and on. And if you are in a relationship as long as I am, with Valentines Day, birthday, anniversary, pujas, and Christmas coming every year without fail. Things can get tricky.

The mere thought of shopping of gift ideas seems to weigh me down months before I even have to go out to shop. I like to think of myself as a sensible shopper but I need someone to accompany me or I am so down and out and will probably never venture out. so if its not Samik then it has to be Ipsy I will go shopping. As a shooping companion Ipsy is just perfect. She wouldn’t mind walking hours, going various places all at once if only to get the perfect pair of “white shoes” she so needs wear with a particular outfit of hers. So it is a treat to go shopping as you are never in a hurry to get your work done.

Since it was Samik’s birthday, and I had to buy him something. We both started racking our brains weeks before. Ideas were exchanged over sms’s way past midnight. Options were weighed and thought over. And when the day came, ipsy and met up in the metro station and we rechecked ‘what to buy’ list and set off. We went all over the city crawling to each corner and finally after a whole day of stress we returned home barely managing to stand up straight. But ho ho ho! The shirt I bought Samik was a size too big. Had got dad a shirt too, the same size. [since both have similar structure] now the problem was going back and getting ti changed. And I was dreading going back alone and I wasn’t even sure if id be able to find the shop out alone.

Mom then dropped an idea to tag dad along to get the shirts changed. But hell! How was I supposed to get Samik’s shirt changed with dad? It looked so weird and I’m not all that free with my dad and this would be terribly embarrassing. And my nightmare came alive. Luckily they had a size small for dad’s shirt and when I took out samik’s shirt sneakily they made a hue and cry over it. Saying they dint have a size small and repeatedly asked me what Samik’s body type was, whether he was broad or tall. And dad being present, I was feeling smaller by the minute. All I wanted to do was disappear. Dad seeing my obvious discomfort went ahead; describing Samik’s body type and what colors would suit him since I couldn’t get the black shirt I had chosen initially. Phew! The sales man in that shop were incorrigible and way beyond my imagination, they ahd left no stone unturned to embarrass me.

If this wasn’t enough the book I bought for Samik [Chetan Bhagat’s ‘My 3 mistakes] was firstly not easily available. And Samik suddenly developed a new love for reading. And having devoured the first two books of Bhagat he wanted the new one too. I had to lie left right and centre to convince him that the book was indeed out of print and that it would come back in print only after the first week of June. God! What not we have to do to make the day special for the duffer boyfriends that we have to out up with :) and guess what? The blessed boy friend I have for the last four years didn’t appreciate the goody bag I had prepared and instead made me feel extremely silly about myself. So I in turn wrecked our anniversary eve that we were supposed to celebrate by fighting over a petty issue and not going out at all. Thus I took my revenge :P

I’ve woken even before the first fingers of dawn had roused the birds. I had the most anxious night, punctuated with constant waking up and nightmares. In the end, unable to sleep I gave up altogether and began my day some four hour before, than usual. As I sat by the window a sense of brooding hit me. It was so like those days, early into my relationship when we used to talk almost 18 hours daily. It used to be dawn talking all night non stop. Around 5 am samik would tell me to get some sleep before I woke up again at 5.30 am for school. Some days those used to be. Sigh!

This constant roller coaster of life never fails to amuse me. Just when I had given up all hope, almost felt disillusioned love came back rushing. There are flaws in samik I cant probably ever live with, or even overlook but there is the knowledge somewhere deep down in my gut, that in his crazy way he does love me and need me. Probably the fault is in me, I am over critical not just to people but more so with myself. My inability to let go of things less perfect has been leading to several problems, but then trying however I may things never looked up. I had almost given up when love wriggled its grubby self and made its presence felt.

Buried somewhere deep within there is this un-satiable urge to love, and to nurture. And it takes us unawares when that special person creeps into the heart unnoticed. This was the worst month of my life four years back. I was in love with my best friend but did not have the courage to give this relationship a chance. I was anxious and frightened, I did not want to get hurt and somewhere I believed that I was incapable to love. But I was wrong. Despite being aware of how painful it must have been for him to wait for me almost six months before I had the courage to finally give love a chance. Misgivings were always there but blocking the voice that led me astray, I had taken the plunge.

Fear of getting hurt is our primary concern. How many times the fear of something unknown and uncertain has detained us from doing something, that would ultimately yield into something so beautiful as love. We are all afraid to love, to let someone see a part of us that we only know because we are vulnerable. But once the fear is overcome new avenues open up. None can ensure that feeling love will always be as ethereal as it once was in the beginning, fights will occur, the monotony of life will have it disparaging effects on it but at the end of the day, when the head will touch the pillow that special loved one will always be the last thought before drifting off to a much needed slumber.

Things have changed between samik and me and why wont it. I was in school and samik in his college. And now I am on my way out of college and he is already working. Being students and not being provided with surplus monetarily, like our peers [not because our parents couldn’t afford to but they thought not to and we didn’t ever consider asking]. So our outings were restricted to occasional meets, long conversations over the phone. I remember once, dad had gone to Hyderabad for the week and I pleaded with mum to let me out in the evenings that week, after a lot of persuading she had agreed. Unforturtunately, it was the monsoons and kolkata was flooded but that didn’t deter me, I left home with jeans rolled up, umbrella in one hand slippers on the other wading through knee deep water.

Times has changed now, with samik working, and im in college. Many a Sunday we can be found lost in conversation. Long and painful walks and those hitch hiked bus rides have been replaced by comfortable bike rides. But one thing that has not its essence of the love, we found courage to let in our hearts. Even now whenever any of us are in need or in trouble it is the other we call, the cause maybe as trivial as, samik having a nightmare or me having yet another woe regarding getting my salary.

Four years has passed since the day we first welcomed love into our lives. We have taken each other for granted now, but even that seems like a luxury and a privilege to assume our loved one would be there no matter what. Maybe the 18 hour talks have now replace by a mere 30 minutes to an hour [a little, no a lot more recently:P] and we get to meet up only on weekends, every Friday it’s the same eagerness we feel thinking about meeting each other and Monday morning the prospect of waiting for a week to do so is something that we both dislike but have come to live with.

Life has its strange rules. Just when you begin to settle down it throws open a new avenue. This unpredictability and constant fondness for change, is maybe what prevents life from being monotonous. Times change, our environment too, people change, sometimes we as people do, but what remains constant is the feelings that we once felt. Once the fear to lose the loved one is overcome, then love brings with it a trail of happiness, it brightens your life and makes it worthwhile. Nothing can be worse fate than fearing to attempt; for me the task was to, set aside my so called principals and conventions to acknowledge that I’m capable and in fact in love. Once I opened my heart to love a whole new world beckoned to me, I knew it would never be the same and it never is even four years down the line.

I had a tiff with samik on sunday,ever since i havent been recieving his calls or answering his sms's,today i couldnt contain myself and i gave him a missed, and pronto!his call came!phew!weboth were relieved to hear each others voice,i wonder how i survived four days without taking to him! alls well now! yay!! :D

i have a test tomorrow so now its back to books! :(

realization

i have tried.but have failed.to live away from the one i love.my mind tells me let go and move on for my sanity.but my heart.it tells me it will bear it all.and that it is the only way out.call me a loser or a one who quits,but loving someone,and imagining a life with him and then living apart is somewhat unattainable.i have tried staying apart and every trick in the book to change him but i have failed.i have failed to even stay apart from him.so now i've made up my mind.if he cant change for me i can for him,i know that samik will probably be immature and insensitive [which stems from his immaturity] all his life,so i will be less of a perfectionist and ignore his immaturity.so maybe this is an end.end of being bothered about the major flaws in his character.and the beginning of a new and improved:ME

Yes,the curtains have come down,prematurely.

it is finally
The End.

Aging love !!??!!

Those who already know me,know that i am dating samik for the last 3 years now.1 and a half year during finishing school and another 1 and half year into college.well our relationship has gone through several phases, i am counting out the fights and almost-beak up phases,just that i ll dwell on the happier moments.well when we both started out i was in school and he was already into college [he is 3 years older to me]then i was a bit scared and apprehensive about a commitment.moreover i had my board exams coming up and being brought up in an all girls school,i never really interacted with boys at all.

Those days i used to meet samik twice a month[i don't know how we survived it!].1 whole week he would persuade me to come out and another week i would decide if i really wanted.there was a lot of pressures at home, my deadline was 8pm and due to immense heat of the summers we couldn't go out before 5.30pm.travelling to a coffee shop took time and in whatever time that was left we barely spoke or even looked at one another.even though we didn't meet that often we used to talk a lot.i had a connection that allowed me to make calls to any phone in that network for free,so we used to talk for almost 16 hours every day.obviously i got my first cell because i wanted to talk to him.but then i had to manage studies as well.first of all board exams and then if my results were bad then my parents would never leave any stone unturned to tell me how romancing has harmed my academics.so i used to sleep for 4 hours talk for 16 hrs on the phone and rest i would study.some days those were!

Then came tension of getting admissions.i admit after my board exams we used to meet up a lot.once my dad was out of town for 4 days and we took advantage of it to the fullest.i persuaded my mom that i ll be out and a bit late.unfortunately the rain played spoilsport.Kolkata was flooded and there was no transport to travel.yet i rolled my jeans,with my sandal's in one hand and an umbrella in the other,and i waded through the water to meet samik.then came the decision if i have to leave the town or be there i got through two good colleges and one outside the town.thankfully i choose the one,the very best JU.its half way from his and place so we thought we could meet up often.but then he was in the 4th year in engineering and i was in my 1st yr.how hard can it be to have a boy friend from outside college???hmm....mmm...VERY TOUGH!while everyone are sneaking an hour here and there with their loved one,the single and likes of me are left staring into space and longing to share the same close proximity.

And now after the initial fear of him moving out of town.he is here in the same town but we might as well stay million miles apart.he has office and i have college 5 days a week.all week we miss each other but when it comes to the weekend, we do meet but we are mentally and emotionally drained.where earlier we used to have a 'conversation' now we just exchange pleasantries.where we used to talk for hours altogether now we talk hardly 30 minutes day.he comes back from office and calls me at 11pm by then i am too tired and almost asleep.i wake up at 7am study,check mails and blog and rush off to college, and i am in my class my 11am,he wakes up and tries calling but then i cant really talk.

we cant stay without each other and are very much in love,we still understand each other without saying a word but i guess its a case of aging with time,where with time not only do we age but love to undergoes changes.the magic lasts in the initial few years of courtship and later becomes more of companionship.we both know that despite million discords we ll bounce back and end up i life together probably that's why we have no fear in life.we are going with the flow.but somewhere deep down i miss the fun and magic of initial dating.i realize and understand that there is no other alternative to this kind of life and it is bound to get difficult when i move out for my higher studies but i cant help wishing that love would stop aging with time and life would not silently seep into monotony.i miss being "deliriously" in love!

I Love You

read this amazing post in katie's blog...about how in the daily course of time we forsake our loved ones...and forget to tell them how important they are to us...sometimes ego sometimes fear of losing the loved one makes us hold back the three precious words : "i love you" ...sometimes even amidst a huge fight just these words can make the worlds difference...so many times i held back...because i felt saying it would make me weak..but deep within i know just how invaluable and essential it is to have samik in my life and just what it means to have him love me back...there are 13 reasons why i simply love him and why life is barren and colorless with out him around....

• Its the safe haven of his arms that assures me that i can make it through the tough times...
• He allows me to be just "me"
• He is the anchor in my life..making my life stable
• When the world turns its back to me...he is still there holding my hand...
• With him around i feel like making a difference
• He taught me to love again
• He rescued me from me...
• Made my life worth living...
• He fills me up with a sense of belongingness...
• His smile makes me the happiest girl alive
• He makes every day a Valentines day....
• He brought music and poetry back to my life
• Simply because he is "My Samik"

For all those who are in love go on write down the reasons as to why you love your loved one....tell that special someone...remind yourself and declare it to others....just how precious he/she is to you...make a difference..spread the smile and love... saying "i love you" doesn't need a reason...