Loving being Me!

When you stay from home you value it more than anything..Nostalgia has gripped me in a vice like grip and somehow i just cant shake this homesickness off me.. I've been missing home and loved ones like crazy...maybe its a phase.. i just cant wait for this course to come to an end... just 61 days to go and the wait seems unbearable!

Rudyard Kipling in his famous poem IF says-

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Finally im back from the taluk's got my work done in just 3 days... and just ran for my life... its so nice and peaceful at the hostel...no noise..and peace and quiet ..had an amazing sleep last night.. lazzed around all day today! :) was in absolute bliss....dont know how long this will last... Twitter/FB are taking revenge (as Anwesa says) i cant seem to update anything... :( at the moment im loving being on my own..spending time with myself.. its really refreshing specially because from next week the pressure will only increase...starting with mid semester review then working on Master's project..placement week...and then there is Samik's visit..which im absolutely looking forward too..what a deserving break it will! god cant wait...

thats all on my end...

cya for now :)

Peace!

So What's New?!

God! how i wish i was the cool chick who is oh so hot! who has an attitude to flaunt, a life to live.. in short hot and happening! here i am boring me. struggling in the race of life, no colour whatsoever and no attitude to flaunt! but heck! I'm me isn't it! and just because i don't have a thing doesn't mean i cant right? so it brings me to that point where i make resolutions..


are you wondering, why make resolutions when you will not keep it? Dude.. i make resolutions and i make them turn true you know ..ahaan! :) don't roll your eyes now... :P :)

• I'm gonna take pride in myself and my accomplishments.. and will gain my confidence back and walk tall...
• people will make me feel like a dimwit [ o yea they have] i will turn up my nose at them.. and tell them to F***k O*F! or Kiss My A$$!!
• Will stop being Uptight and ease out!
• Will take failures and disappointments in my stride...most importantly will forgive myself.
• Will channelize my energies..
• Will Blog!!! and get back to the two people who have struck by me, through thick and thin and did not abandon me in favour for newer friends..they were there no matter what!! Anwesa and Nikhil... a promise made and will be keep! no more hibernation!!
• Will put in my all for the one this i need desperately JOB!!

Now for the hopes and prayers of this new year...

The last year has been pretty rough on my parents.. they have proven just how much parents really do for their kids..my parents put me and my comfort before their own needs.. and this year i hope and pray i can make them proud by overcoming my not so great grades, get a job so that i can give them all that they deserve and more. not only do i owe it to them but because it pains me to see how much they do to provide me a decent life. its time unhappiness and hardship makes a move, paving way for some comfort and happiness to reign!

Since I'm in an asking mood... God please please.. first give me a job... and second give me a job in Kolkata please...i miss home and not a day passes when i don't long to come back..let me be where i have sent 21 years of my life.. please please..getting a job would be superb but a job in Kolkata would be a cherry on the cake!! please make my life! :) :P

With such a huge list i think Mister God must have logged out of his prayer inbox already :P anyway.. how was your 31st? new year resolutions in 2010??

P.S- I'm planning to change my template of the blog..can you guys suggest good templates/widgets etc? any suggestions is always welcome!!

One month Anniversary

Me

Today is Independence day but that is not the only reason why this day is so significant to me. today marks one whole month of my leaving home. before you cringe, let me promise you, yes this is about leaving home but its primarily about my evolution and my journey of life in the past one month. So i wont go yapping about home and me feeling homesick.

Deepi and Vaidu

Earlier i couldn't conceive of a day when i would have to live a life away from home. i thought i would just perish just missing home. but now one month has passed, almost in a blink of an eye, and i realized that i have slipped into a life which i was probably destined to live. i think somewhere i have taken my stay here as a long long excursion maybe that's why it isn't affecting that much or maybe i keep too busy to even realize. i assure you problems are there, i do cry myself to sleep at times or i just break down whenever i try and take time alone; but pushing those moments aside its okay, I'm fine here, i do enjoy myself. i have realized unlike most i will always miss home and pine for it but there will also be millions of such moments when i will be happy, i will smile and laugh. here i have made friends or i have some very familiar faces who are now a part of my new life. a life which is what i wanted its so my type, the discipline, the punctuality with which the whole system runs. the meal times when we all gather together, laughing and talking, we often eat from others plate, we cry, we hug, we go for walks and these unknown people somewhere are like family. the bonds may not be that strong or close but these people do smile when you walk in... they ask about your health, they appreciate what you wear. its fun getting dressed for seminars and conferences, where all the girls help each other to fix their hair or make up. the guys are always at the TT board playing. we often play carom with the guards and it turns really noisy... its fun in a way. even far away from home i have made friends who care, Deepi actually woke up one night when i was sick, hearing me choke in my sleep. she got me medicines and woke me up to feed it to me... Vaidehi always locks my cupboard for me because i keep forgetting to do it... in turn i do what little i can to help them out, for better or for worse these people are my family now and it may not be great but life's good here.

Roomies: Deepi,ME,Shephu,Anu and Vaidu

Its been a month now.. i still couldn't believe it when i woke up this morning. everyone else was sleeping in.... it felt strange. i looked around me... there was Deepi and Vaidu sleeping curled up in their blankets, and i smiled its a regular sight for me now, and that reminded me at one time regular sight to me was waking up to find my niece curled up to me... thinking about her i looked at my watch it was 7.35 then i let my mind drift to a month back and i closed my eyes to recount what happened over a month back... this very day....

Samik

I can vividly remember, it was a cloudy day, my sister had already arrived to spend the day with me... and i was hurriedly getting dressed to meet Samik. we had gone to our favourite breakfast joint, and sipping tea he told me that was the last time i was drinking tea with him. even then it hadn't really sunk in that i was leaving that very day in a few hours, and i calmly smiled at him. it was later that the realization came, i kept staring at Samik, drinking in his sight, memorising how there were little wrinkles when he smiled, his forever sleepy eyes... i broke down several times in reckless sobs, but he was there strong as a stone, many times i had wondered if all his concerns about me leaving was just a formality? for he never betrayed any emotion. i understood later that he was being strong for me. it was only when i spoke to him from the station and he was leaving office that he broke down asking me if i was really leaving home and i couldn't reply only the announcements of a railway station filled the unspoken moments. it was really hard. i didn't know what i was doing. at that moment i regretted choosing such dreams that took me away from my loved ones. i didn't want it, if i could i would have dumped it all and just been by samik. but he evolved into a mature man and encouraged me to go on and fulfill my childhood dreams... he gave me hope and i knew i had to sail through this one year and rush back to be with him...


I had settled in my seat and came out to meet my folks and tears just wouldn't stop, just thinking about that day brings back more tears. as the train started pulling off i broke down... A MONTH HAS PASSED SINCE THEN.....it all seems surreal to me now.... immediately thinking about leaving home, I'm reminded of my first two days here. i remember how excited i was to walk down the slope to my hostel, pulling my suitcase behind me. i was greeted by so many people whom until then i had met only online, it was great. the next day officially all the others trooped in and those who had stayed back the day before like me, we helped the others drag their luggage and unpack. it was amazing... that night all of us roomies we stayed up huddled in two narrow beds, munching and talking about our lives, it was 3 in the morning when we stopped and realized we have been talking since 9 the last night. its funny how life changes and how we fall in place even in a new life.

Vaidu aka Vaidehi

Now my day begins with Vaidu's alarm ringing and i sit up to see Vaidu waking up too, or she comes over to wake me or vice versa.... the initial days of being prim and proper has given way to being absolutely shameless with each other, photo sessions are the order of the way [check my orkut pics... i dunno why but i cant upload pics to facebook :(] life is difficult and challenging. but i am alive and i hope someday all the goals that i had set for myself are realized and all the things that so burden me give way to a brighter tomorrow.... someday i will smile back at my life here and take forward many beautiful memories from my new life at IIJNM. someday... i will go home... :)

P.S- Wishing you all a very Happy Independence Day!

Happy and Smiling again!

I haven't been in too good a mood of late. probably i have pissed off many by not taking calls or replying to the Ims and sms's. i have been unable to blog, there was no interest and no desire to do so. i have missed many post of yours which i should have read and commented, while some of you who have been extremely understanding and kind to me regarding the same, some have come up and demanded why i haven't replied to the comments or visited their blogs. to the latter i just have something to clarify, there are times i read but i am unable to comment, but basically i blog because i want to, and that it is a source of pleasure for me, i don't want to reduce it to a liability, where i feel obligated to comment just because someone has commented, i will do it because i want to not because i have to. so if i haven't been up to your expectation,i am sorry but i am what i am.

Anyway moving on... as of now i am feeling a whole lot better, in kinda good mood you can say. finally right now its raining, i mean the proper hours long rain that washes away the dust and clearing the humidity that made life so impossible for us.this is the first monsoon showers of the season.it pretty late but nonetheless here... so that's surely a breather. but i wanted to enjoy my beloved rains here before moving on. and thank god my wish was granted!did i tell you i absolutely love the rains??!! i simply loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorve the rains!! :D :)

On other happy events. very recently most of my friends from school met up and we had a whale of a time together, some of whom i was meeting after 5 long years. you can imagine 11 ladies seated at a corner at one of Kolkata's finest restaurants in a well known mall for a buffet; chattering, giggling, clicking pictures away to glory and having a ball. everyone was like super happy and excited to be back and it was one happy reunion! thankfully i met up all these beautiful people before i left or else id be missing on a lot, since i don't think i will be around for the later reunions. what i absolutely loved was the fact, that despite meeting up after 5 years it didn't seem as if we hadst been out of touch at all. and there was never a dull or awkward moment, smiles and giggles ruled the whole outing and it was one happening event to be in.

As the days are rolling by and time to leave comes nearer the fear and apprehension is making me all the more anxious and nervous but I'm trying my best to not make it more difficult for me and take things as they come.. and if you have friends like Nikhil and Anwesa who keep reminding you of the number of days left... god u can imagine... I'm ready to tear my hair out! :) :P Sorry to all you lovely people who has had to read my rants about my insecurities and leaving home blues.. sorry to have bored you to death but i will try and not whine and make it all worthwhile and if indeed i fail to keep my word please be patient as this is one of the most rough and harsh phase of my life... i will bounce back with my chirpy ways...

And o yeah... there is this one deed that makes me a lot happier and relived these days... there has been something that had made me all cold and unapproachable and this was because i have been angry and bitter... but i have learnt to let go and do what i want.. even if it means contradicting myself and at the cost of appearing confused to many... i will maintain what i had realized for myself... that i will preserve my individuality and strength of character no matter what...but at the same time... i will do things which i feel like doing... for i am answerable to no-one but myself. this makes me happy and i am happy to be loved and to love. it makes my plight a lot lesser and my heart a lot lighter... and makes me one happy girl!

Happy Rains to all you lovely people.... and ya in case you are interested in reading the guest post i wrote for NE aka Nehya...and here is one i did for Vinay aka Leo too...just click on the names.. :).. cya around!!

Graduate... Almost!

Its OVER!! Finally my college life comes to an End!

What struck me while writing the last few lines of my paper was.. soon my exams will come to an end... what hadn't yet registered on my mind was that with the end of my exams.. my college life too came to an end.. not that i am very sentimental about leaving college and friends but still there was a sense of deja vu... and the worst part is i realized it once it was all over...

You it always happens.. in this rat race of life.. where almost every moment symbolizes a struggle to survive, where the fittest survives...we always focus on the goal, like.. the college we want to get in..or the job we want etc but we are surprised when one day reach the goal... maybe that is what has happened to me.. i have been focusing on getting out of college that i forget the moment has come and gone by.. but in a way its good because if i had put too much thought into it maybe i would have been distracted during my exams.. in times of extreme tension when i feel like giving up this particular poem called If  by Rudyard Kipling... gives me immense courage and strength to go on... the lines that i so love are ..

"If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!"

One of the highlights of today was.. that my last day at JU as a student and as well as my last day of college life was spent sitting side by side the one person i began my college life with in the same room it had all begun.. Shubhankar is such a moron i tell you.. he is this weird sort of a guy..despite being my good friend he never feels an urge to sit by me.. if i drag him [which i do most of the time] he does but if he is left to his own devices then he sits where ever or whoever catches his fancy..damn him! and you can imagine my surprise when he came over to me and filled in the vacant seat right next to me.. and gave me a look? as if to say.. "what??! i felt like sitting here don't make it a big deal now!" damn the moron!! and double damn him.. he is partially challenged in  hearing and dint get what i was asking him in the examination hall and when he got what i asked him.. he didn't have a clue... and the super moron gets all senti only after hours of coming back home... and when i was around or rather when i was willing to be around he was busy trying to get me home and get back to doing some work!! pond scum... but having said and done.. Shubhankar has been an absolute gift to me.. someone i always relied on and never got disappointed..whether it is ripping off his notes for me.. or literally dictating me my assignment.. or patiently repeating and re-repeating his explanations .. or being extremely patient with me when i give him the look "i don't know what the hell you are saying..???"..and now that college has come to an end.. I'm really going to miss him telling me everyday "you really are looking hot.." or "three years has gone by and we still havent done it.. lets do it" and id surprise him each time by saying "yea lets... but lets find a vacant room for doing or do you wanna do it here"... i don't know where we will be placed in life.. im sure he will have a bright future... he is bound too..morons have all the luck :)  but no matter what he will surely be the godfather to my kids!! 

The thoughts that are coursing through my mind at the moment is that of relief and a sense of timelessness reigns.. i cant belive that not only my exams, my college life has come to an end.. i feel all grown up as if i have scale mount Everest! God! when I was a little girl, i couldn't imagine studying beyond Class 12 but then when i was in Class 12 i couldn't think beyond graduation here i am at the threshold of Graduation and i desire to further my education.. with my student clearing her  class 10.. i feel its like yesterday i was where she is now but that was something that happened almost 5 years to this day! :O i wonder where did these days go?! Yes yes i am all overwhelmed with this sudden transition but then i love this feeling when despite knowing the truth the truth yet hasn't sunk in!! anyway this is it.. this post is a fitting end to my college life!

  ~The End~

P.S- To see the pictures of the last few days of my college life..check orkut...search me out with Phoenix. ... i will update my photoblog soon and the pictures will be up there too :)

P.P.S- Dont worry about my absense on all your blogs and the missing blog link.. its all taken care of. earlier i couldnt visit blogs as i had not put it up after i changed the template.. i will be back to reading your blogs in no time!! 

My Social Skills

I'm frankly a bit bored... but then both literally and from life.. so thats why i have gone through these tests..which reveal a lot about my social skills and if you [guys not girls] like what you read, then you can send in your applications...offer lasts till mood lasts.... Mayank.. i hope you are listning.. send me your xerox copy... :) :P

Your Hair Should Be Red

Passionate, fiery, and sassy. You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around. Your Seduction Style: Prized Object The seduction game you play is tried, true, and still effective: hard to get. You know that the best seducers turn the tables - and get their crush to seduce them. The one running has the power, and you're a challenge that is worth the chase. You are a master of enticing and pulling back. Giving a little and taking some away. You are controlled enough to know rewards come after a long seduction dance. Even though you want to call, email, or say "I love you" first - you don't! You're style is the perfect mix of hot and cold - so much so that you have many suitors. Think Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany's ... or any of those creepy guys from the Bachelor. You're skilled at inspiring a chase. The real test is picking the person to slow down for. You Are Wine You are very naturally sexy and inviting. You don't have to try too hard. The longer people spend time with you, the more drawn in they become. You believe that seduction shouldn't be rushed, you like to savor every moment. Going too fast kills the excitement. You like to indulge all of your senses. Men See You As: An Attainable Challenge You know how to make your man crave more of you But you also know when to show some interest back You're good at keeping your guy guessing And over time, you'll let him know how you really feel For the Capricons out there "im ready to mingle" :P You Attract a Capricorn When down to earth, responsible, loyal Capricorn meet you, they've met their match. You are as ethical as Capricorn, and they respect your values. You are also able to be a loyal and caring partner to your Capricorn, even when times are tough. You are there to cheer up or motivate your Capricorn - which never goes unappreciated. now this is what i believe You Don't Need a Man ... or Want One! Generally, you're very happy being a single woman. And anyone who has a problem with that... well, that's there problem. Not that you wouldn't share your life with the almost perfect guy. You simply won't settle though. Your life is too good to share with some substandard man! You Are Extremely Charming When someone talks to you, they feel like they are the most interesting person in the world. And for you in that moment, they actually are. You truly care about the people you're around, and it's obvious to everyone who meets you. You are open, warm, friendly, and welcoming. You epitomize charm. You Are Snow You are peaceful and calm. You are able to enjoy each moment. You have a pure, gentle spirit. People automatically trust you. You have a playful, adventurous spirit. You still feel like a kid. You are able to find the joy in any situation. You are blissful.

Happy Birthday Anwesa!!!

Today is the birthday of a really beautiful soul who is not only my friend but also my bindh [my hubby :P] as she turns a year older here’s wishing her nothing but the very best in life. May she scale heights of success and may happiness be hers now and always.

Anwesa has been my biggest critique and comfort when it comes to life and my feeble attempts at writing fiction. She is the one person who pursues me with a whip [almost] to write a post a day, she obsesses with Neel and Noyona [my fictional characters] much more than I do, and pushes me up the wall to bring them back to life time and again and is a creative help each time I’m facing a writers block. Most of my posts are written just to please her. What draws me to Anne as I lovingly call her, is her simple and heart warming ways, she always remembers smallest of things about me and takes an active interest in whatever happens in my life. She is also probably the only one who believes what I have to say and I don’t ever need to convince her by saying ‘really’ or ‘trust me’ she is one of the brightest spots in my life and she is one of the reasons why I make it a point to come online even though I have nothing much to post.

With her awful PJ’s to funny innuendos, to the beautiful poetic creations and real like fiction.. She is a package of everything nice... And she is a pure delight. Along with a few others she is my support systems in the virtual world, and there is nothing virtual about us. From being acquaintances in blog-world to being friends over gtalk, we have come a long long way…she is now indispensable to me…

Happy birthday Anwesa!!

Here’s wishing you happiness galore and blog full of posts!!


Love you loads

With muwaaahs pouring in,

Hugs

Yours truly,

One and only
BINDNI :)

P.S- Anwesa I remembered your birthday alright I can never forget my bind’s birthday now can I?

P.P.S- please scroll down to the post below and leave a comment ... i will feel highly obliged... thank you in advance :)

Finally it Rained!!

Phew! finally it rained.... after a period of 8 days of continuous heat wave.. last evening finally the Norwesters descended... it was a relief.. with the storm blowing away the curtains.. the windows slamming...the cool breeze instilling a fresh new breath to life... finally the Kolkattans yesterday heaved a sigh of relief! 

if last night was one of the coolest and most pleasant nights of this summer season...today was simply spectacular...i woke up to a distinct chill making it impossible to continue sleeping... the sun didn't wake me up rudely this time.. and it was sheer bliss to snuggle in within sheets cuddling up to my niece...sigh! i couldn't thank god enough for this day.. for a day like this.. with clouds mystifying the sky...the sun nowhere in sight and the temperatures going down several notches...having to go to college or to study on a day like this is a crime...

It didn't take long for the threats of the cloud to turn to a reality...it poured cats and dogs.. relentlessly...and we all got a breather...with the heat wave forgotten for the moment.. its a perfect time to go for walks in the rain kissed streets..with hand in hand with that special one..to drop in at the local tea-walla...or the CCD and enjoying a hot cuppa... or sitting in the car with that special someone and watching the rains stain the glass... its just splendid! sigh!  

P.S; yeah yea its yet another rain post... but i do get to gloat 'i told you so' now didn't i?? :D!!

P.P.S: BTW guess what?? my Tamil exam finished.. nothing spectacular to talk about...but then i know i will pass. now that's what i call relief!! :D  so that's just 3 more exams to go... :) 

Just for laughs!

These are just something i found in my mail... and i wanted to share them... :)

NOW i know why Samik never wins an argument. Its not you.. its got to do with your gender pal!

Watch and learn!!

click to enlarge

The Heat wave has been upped in Kolkata... its 43 degrees... the hottest in almost 59 years... its  even more harsh with the humidity at 90% and the MET doesn't forecast any rains in the near future..damn! i feel like the ice creams i have..who melt even before i open their packs...its atrocious and to add to it the LOO...na silly not bathroom the breeze wala loo...chee chee what not you guys think... :D

The entrance went... so so... i had always prided myself in scoring the highest in English language but boy i had never imagined the entrance language portion could be this tough..not tough but then wasn't a cake walk either... and can you beat it i couldn't remember a few of the very common words like the writing on the tomb that is called epitome... or the fact that walking aimlessly was loitering and i remember all this after the exams!!damn!! if the language portion was like this then i had no idea about the General knowledge segment... I'm really grateful to whoever invented 'inkie pinkie ponkie' it really helped in deciding the multiple choice answers!! now really I'm not joking! and guess what there were maths portion too..and guess what?i didn't freak out! and moreover i got them right!yahoo... can you guess how many GK questions we had??...okay i ll tell you 105 yeah you read it right...i soooooo wish i make it to the next level...please please god let me get through this then i wont ask for anything..ever!! i swear!! 

Yes this is pretty much how I'm feeling at the moment!!

Today i celebrate Liberation Day!!with Samik away on a family wedding, for once i get to spend an entire day being on my own, no dressing up to go out, just being home, in my comfy home clothes [specially with this heat] with just me and the books. hurray!!

P.S: sometime away from the respective other is therapeutic!! yo!

499. To Raka, with love

When Raka asked me to write her 499th post, honestly I felt honored.

I have known you for not a very long time, but this little time has been worth that I feel proud to call you my friend.
I still remember the first post I read on your blog. It talked of your dream home. A Minimally finished Apartment on the top floor of a skyscraper from where you could see the lights of the city. I liked the idea and instantly followed your blog.

I used to read the blog religiously. And as you narrated, I found out you were younger than I am, but your views, thoughts, ideologies and most importantly as I always say the frequency, were quiet near mine.

Gradually, we were on each others friend lists on gtalk and since then there is no looking back.
I see in you a strong character, a determined soul and an emotional heart.

Do you remember the first time we caught each other online?
I cant recall whether it was 2 am or 3 till we chatted and chatted. I mean amazement was when you are talking to a person for the first time, you don't tell her almost all your darkest secrets and you don't share with her your deepest feelings.

I never knew I could be so very good friends with someone in the very first instance.

I spent great time with you girl, those philosophical discussions, those naughty rap sessions, those useless conferences, those silly talks, those mood lifting parleys, the total girl stuff, everything.


And when you asked me for a girl-blog, I took not a nanosecond to say "I am in" and we landed on up to this Femme Fatale Idea. Since then, whatever you call it, vicious circle, loop or cycle, this relationship of ours is such.

I love the way you say " I am just a phone call away" and "I am there for you na"..

The geographical distance doesn't make much sense to us. But I'll soon come down to see you for sure and remember your promise to visit me after your exmas.

I know I may be sounding like Im writing a testi for my guy, but you are equally loved.. ;)
I really wish to God to bless you with his choicest blessings for you are worth it..

Love always....

End Of An Era

In our first year @CCD

So finally college ended and relief washed over. the farewell was indeed good and honestly it touched all of us. what was more touching is that, this is the first time our department hosted the farewell and probably the best part was, a lively and great batch like UG1 put up a superb, well organized farewell, with the right amount of fun and emotions. what is noteworthy is, farewells are usually organized by the second senior most batch, that is the UG2's but honestly we would rather, the UG1's did it for they did a mighty good job and the effort really touched us. what i absolutely loved was the fact, that usually the Pg2's are given a lot of importance as their whole class is leaving college and the UG3's are left out of it presuming that they will continue with the masters here; and the outgoing students are left out [likes of me] But this time UG3's were really included or to put it mildly it was 'our 'show.

As the magic fades... after the trip to Vizaq

one of the main high points was of course the slide shows that they put up. they were amazing, and the effort that these people put in was really commendable. cheers and hoots reigned during the slide show each of us were really touched and a little teary eyed too. i was there with Shubhankar sitting on a stair, wearing a saree that got me drenched in sweat, with the heat upped by just 2 AC's and soo many people; we sat squashed due to lack of space, silently talking while the show was on, and we were really counting our last 'official' moments together. the feelings that coursed through were diverse, a little nostalgic, a lot hopeful, and apprehension about my future. the tears did come. a lone tear trickled down as one of my favourite teachers, SC mam spoke about her experiences about all of us and it was one very emotional moment. talking to teachers, summing up our experiences with them, amidst proclamations by the rest, that will stay back to bug them some more, was one helluva tough time, i almost choked when i informed some of my teachers of my decision of not going back. but all in all i just couldn't wait to walk away from the crowd of known faces and to forget they ever existed. all in all i must say, that this farewell even though was an awesome experience its intensity lacked the ones i went through when i was in my 10th standard.

Then UG2, on our way back to Vizaq from Arraku Valley

Now i feel a whole lot responsible about my life and the choices I'm about to make. and even though its a lot scary something in me tells me 'I'm ready!' my study leave has started and I'm like really busy with dispatching the last of the admission forms, making drafts etc, now all i need is to concentrate on my studies; to devote time between studying for my semesters and also for my entrance exams. yeah it will be tough i know but I'm prepared to struggle to get to my goals, for i know achieving my dreams with be worth all this toil and hardship. and that does not mean that I'm not going to blog mind you.. :)

come on now wish me luck!!

P.S- the pics haven't been transferred from the cam yet, some problem with that. but then i will put it up soon. sorry for the delay. for now these are some of my great memories of JU.

P.P.S- no more posts on college. promise!! :) even i have had enough.. im too giddy by now.. :)

Beginning to an End

i was so looking forward to the college to end.but what i had not anticipated even in my wildest dreams that college coming to an end, would mean not seeing you in college everyday.

those conversations through scribbling on chits,
those moments of absolute bliss,
the study sessions,
the urgent phone calls,
and midnight texts
the jittery nerves.
the silent gazes and hasty hugs.
the scribbles and doodles,
the fake tattoos and autographs
the canteen talk or bitching sessions.
the reminiscence of happier times,
the tears of anguish and distress
the smiles and promises of a better tomorrow.
will be missed.

love is hardly the word, that can express just what i feel for you, thank you for being my friend.

its my last day at college tomorrow, Wednesday is our farewell. the day i have been waiting for is here. from here, it will be an onward journey and i will make good things happen.

Make your vote count

I so wanted to write a post on the upcoming elections and the fact that we must exercise our right to vote. but then being apolitical and politics illiterate I'm hardly the person to write it. all i feel right now is that we voters hardly have options from which to vote from. and its more of voting the lesser of the evils from the whole lot. that's hardly assuring isn't it? what amuses me and in turn disgusts me, is the mudslinging every party engages in just to promote themselves. there is no decorum or decency. moreover a new trend has made its presence felt, that is of flinging of the shoe towards the politicians, while it may just mirror the anger and sheer annoyance on the part of the common man, it however does not justify itself, for it was done in real bad taste. what is hilarious is the political manifestos... see them and tally them with the youth and the youth problems and you will have yet another reason not to vote even though the political parties are trying their best to woo the youth who constitute the majority of vote the bank. but hey does not mean you don't vote... do ahead and vote, for change.

check this link it is a video.. it was shot in my college with me and my friends... most of whom you will recognize! :) have fun watching the video and don't forget to vote.

Take a look at: Tubaah: Young voters in Kolkata feel disconnected with politicians

NDTV news reporter Monideepda Banerjee [in green salwar] in the centre,
Satrajit, Ishani, Shubhankar, Monideepa mam, Me, Soumik
Payel, Tista,Pooja, Rohit and Arindam

ones in red are my friends, whom i had mentioned before :)

My College Days 2

I was a prefect in my school for four consecutive years. i was the vice house captain in class 9 and then the house captain in class 10 [yellow house or Vivekananda house] all through voting. in class 11 and 12 i became the prefect, to put it modestly i was popular amongst my peers as well as juniors. event organizing or house meetings, thinking strategies or practicing for house matches i was there everywhere. maybe that's why college seemed to me as a huge leap, a step into the big bad world.

when i first started looking forward to college i always knew i would get into St Xavier's. after all it was our brother school, i had the qualification and the state level rower tag and several other activities under my belt; why on earth would i be rejected? i was confident and hopeful. but my hopes was dashed into a million pieces when i saw i wasn't featured anywhere on the list and the Principal of the college flung my extra curricular activities [some 40 odd certificates in different field] claiming them to be utter rubbish and asked me to furnish certificates of things i did in the last two years of my life. that was the most discouraging moment of my life, i have never felt disillusioned, broken and completely defeated before like this before. my confidence was shattered. it took a while for me to recover and it wasn't until i got through to JU.

My father is an ex student of JU, and i have grown up with the stories of JU but strangely i never developed a keen interest to join my dad's college to maintain the legacy. in fact JU was one of my last options despite it being the best in Kolkata. the day i went to pick up the forms for JU, i fell in love with the lush gardens, friendly seniors, open spaces and the huge campus. it was then i realized my calling. Yes, mass communication may have been a dream but studying literature has been a passion i had nurtured ever since i could remember. i finally found hope in the darkest hour of my life, and from the shattered dream was born a new me.

the reason why JU is simply the best is because you have the freedom to be just you. whether straight, gay or bisexual people confidently flaunt their sexuality, keeping aside gender bias girls and guys are treated equally not just by the management but also by students, gender bias has not really come to my notice, girls and guys smoke alike without the glares of moral police. to be honest i got lost in the vast campus and the vibrant people. from the popular girl in school i became the shy, and unknown girl, it was scary so i choose to look for dark corners to hide now and then. it took awhile to open up but somehow i could never establish the familiarity with the campus that i could once associate with my school. and to add to my woes, i joined Ju with the committed tag.. and that cost me some very potential boy friends who now remain but as friends!!can you beat that? lol! :P

my favorite hangouts in campus were varied, specially in different phases in college. in the first semester when Shubhankar and i were inseparable, we and some other friends including Rohit would hang out in what is known as the jheel par [a small lake] then Shubhankar and i fell apart, i had a new set of friends and we used to hang out in the BBC[ the basket ball court] after classes and just lie there for hours altogether. during daytime we would hang out in a place called gol [a round bench around a tree] the ledge has of course been a favorite throughout for all batches, Shubhankar and i would often sit on the ledge studying and exchanging notes, it was also a witness to the numerous fights we used to have :). later when i became much more studious and serious my hideout used to be the DL[departmental library] in the comforts of the AC and away from prying eyes there i would spend my afternoons.we have around 6-7 canteens in our college, and i have frequented almost all of them except the E-faculty ones [engineering people frequent there] because they are rowdy and rather intimidating and they ogle you like anything.. after all to them people from the arts faculty are big shot hots and prized possessions, specially since they seem to have droughts of female population :P lol! Milon da's canteen remains the most popular of all canteens however no one can equal the coffee found in the AC canteen!!phew!! after Shubhankar and i patched up, the back lanes of JU became our utopia, away from prying eyes and gossip mongers there we rebuilt our friendship.

sigh! i don't know about the people but i will surely miss the campus and the ambiance of JU. there is an old Bengal feel to it. i got in touch with my roots, this is the first time i started talking fluently in my mother tongue, my convent upbringing really handicapped in speaking Bengali. Ju for the first time gave me Bengali friends and through them i savoured Bangaliana. Ju is the one place where you are you, and you are not really judged by the background you come from, or the clothes you wear or the people you move around with. the motto of campus life in JU is live and let live and if you have attitude flaunt it. its been an enriching experience here, a place which will always be remembered as a benchmark in my life, where i actually outgrew the protected life i lived during my school life and entered the adult world with its responsibilities and its spiteful and vicious claws. as i step over the threshold i carry but the good memories as unhappy ones and the distasteful ones are left behind buried in what will soon be my past.

i cant believe i have grown up enough to finish college. i still consider myself a school kid.
you know what? when i was in class 3 once while doing maths i thought id just study till class 12 because i was finding doing maths tough. in class 12 i knew id just finish graduation and further studies wouldn't even be an option, and here i am almost a graduate and i crave to study more.. :) weird na??

2 more working days to go! woohooo!!! :)

Hungry kya!!

the other day i was at a popular pizza parlour for dinner. while i was waiting for the pizza to arrive i sat there noticing just how the pizza place worked and what i saw really intrigued me. Domino's goes by the tag line.. 30 min nahi toh pizza free [delivery in 30 minutes, for the pizza is all yours for free] a lot has been said about the safety of these pizza delivery boys, who risk their lives by driving rashly just to deliver pizzas on time.. its been said that the pizza that comes to you for free after 30 minutes of ordering, is actually compensated to you by the price being deducted from the pizza boy's salary and hence the rush and the life risk.

when we order a pizza all we are concerned is about just how the pizza will be like and if can avoid paying for such a sumptuous meal. the other day while eating at their joint i was observing how the pizza delivery boys were functioning. they had their own way of encouraging each other, appreciating each other; and it was really heartening. every time a delivery boy delivered the pizza and came back within the 30 minutes of the pizza being made and delivered, he earns a few points which adds to their track records. one of the guys came back in record time and the cheer he received from his colleagues really touched me.

these people who survive working on such jobs, most of which we ourselves wouldn't even consider doing. maybe its just the Indian mindset where working for pizza parlours or coffee shops is against our pride even if it earns us the bucks we so need. when we enjoy our bite of the pizza, we don't even look up at the smiling face of the guy who brings us our order with a smile. when the guy at the door holds the door open for us at a popular food join,and thanks us for our visit we walk away without even hearing what he had to say.

No one prescribed these as good habits, no weren't told that we need to pay attention to such people who make a difference in whichever way to us but shouldn't we be doing it? for humanity's sake? whenever dining out at some eatery with Samik, we make it a point to smile and thank the people who serve us and look up and smile at the doorman too and trust me, our doing so makes a difference. we are a regular at a small roadside teashop on the fringes of the city, where we often go for a drive and to hang out; we talk to the local tea shop owner and his brother, and treatment that we receive from them is really heartwarming, we are always served first, we are always made welcome and seats are found immediately at least to seat me, and if we have been absent for too long, the next visit he makes it a point to inquire after us. and despite the fact that there are other coffee shops in that area we always prefer to go back to that tea shop in shambles because of the warmth and hospitality of the people there.

its very easy to see and not notice. but what kind of existence is this? it doesn't take a lot to smile, to acknowledge another person's existence. doing a good turn will not just make the other person happy but you too. so don't lead a life but live your life and make a difference! it actually works!!

Happy New Year!

Since its Bengali new year tomorrow,
Here's wishing you all
A very happy and prosperous new year!

Subho Nobobarsho!!

Sunny side up!

Yeah my tests are still on but can you believe what is bothering me right now?? shopping... everytime my list of 'to buy' finishes the other one crops up.. damn!! well im a little tight on finance right now but then there are so many things i need to buy. and trust me this is the sole reason i cant concentrate.. why on studies of course! guilty? hell no! :D

This is the mini list of all the things i soo need to buy god help me!! :D

• tote bag
• LBD [little black dress] not it literally but there is a heavenly perfume by that name
• a face scrub.. that i so need
• little silver heart earrings that i have taken a facy to
• kurtas.. i really need some..
• sneakers or canvass shoes
• a new haircut
• couple of salwars

Phew thats a lot of shooping to do! and god! i sound soo girlie.. but what to do cant help it.. a girl has to maintain herself! grr!! :P

i've been watching MTV Roadies religiously this season like other seasons too.. and its now on its last leg.. i so hope that stupid bitch [read: Palak] gets voted out this time.. god!! but from the looks of it.. she is really lucky she gets saved each time..arrgh!! i wish Nauman wins though because Paulomi is just a make up box and nothing else..I so liked Sufi.. but tough luck he was voted out.. but then Nauman is the one im rooting for.. i hope he wins and not that ghastly Palak!! im keeping my fingers crossed though.. :) Ranviyay is getting hotter every season... i could drool over him for ages.. *sigh* ..... he is sinfully tempting...


Btw i feel a whole lot better about myself and confident too! the paranoia has somewhat subsided and i'm trying to derieve faith on myself and my capacities... i know i have just two ways in dealing with my current stress, one i can mop and let fear overpower me.. or i can come to terms with it, be confident and face it, giving my best. i choose it do the latter. and boy! it feels like heaven being in control of my life.. and thanks surely goes to this one person who has really turned me around... thanks Mayank... you have been a great friend to me.. *Hugs* :)

Did you know that sleeping is a great thing to occupy yourself with, specially when your exams are on? try it! :D :P

Guess what 6 more days to go!! for college to end!! yay!!

Rainy .....

Despite the sweat trickling down my face and my neck, despite the sun burning my skin, despite being tanned shades darker, do you know why Kolkata is the best in summers?? and why i simply and totally love the summers in spite of the soaring mercury?

Well no prizes for guessing its because of the rains... in Kolkata we haveNorwester called Kalboishakhi.. storm clouds darken the skies in the late evenings.. there is a storm, with cool cool breeze that almost wipes off the fatigue of the day, its such that it makes sweeps you off your feet and makes you forget the heat and humidity that made the day such an impossible one.. soon after dusk it rains hard for a spell and two and then its over, making the whole atmosphere much cooler, and with the breeze ensuring it remains so.. the nights sleep are assured to be good. but these rains are not the marathon ones which goes on for days, just those which pops up for sometime and then goes away. at times there are hail storms too and those are one helluva an experience.you just have to be here to experience it, its simply too good an experience to explain.

Last year a few friends from my locality called me up on a tremendously rainy day asking me if i was free, knowing that i was free i was ordered to change into shorts and tee. doing as i was asked, i stood waiting for my friends, i saw them wading through knee deep water waving frantically at me.. soon i joined them and together the three of us went almost swimming through the dirty water, with shoes floating .. young boys trying to catch fish[yeah there were fishes because we have a lake nearby which flooded its banks a little] and there we were out to survey our locality, of course we were eye candy, people stared at us thinking us to be mad. we sailed paper boats and went in search of a nearby chai shop which obviously wasn't opened because we three were the only mad ones out...nonetheless it was amazing... it was rather cold and wading through the cold water made our feet numb, but then chatting away to glory with friends reliving the times spent as kids is the ultimate bliss... it felt like old times when as kids we would purposely get out of home just to sail paper boats and splash about. rains always remind me of pleasant things... it has a magical effect on me.. and i so love the rains!!

Yeah this is yet another rain induced post but i just cant help it.. its just that it rained three days in a row, which made me really happy from inside, something which i was in look out for since a long time, at a time when I'm really caught up with tons of work and tensions and fear. it has been raining bad things at my end but these rare moments of happiness and smiles are like a much needed respite.

On graver issues.. one of the two friends with whom i have grown up and about whom i spoke about a little earlier, just informed me that her mother is suffering from crevical cancer. its a blow not only to my friend but to me too. her mother is like a mother to me too, all three of us have spent our prime together and its really a tremendous shock! here's wishing Kakima recovers from this grave ailment... and may god give us strength to bear this cross bravely...


On a lighter note.. its Uncle's birthday... [Richa's Dad] here's wishing you uncle A Very Happy Birthday!! :)

Moreover, the last two months i had just lost touch with 'me' and my blogging suffered. i wanted to write but couldn't hence the sloppy posts and frequent tags. i don't know why but i feel good despite everything falling apart around me. the comment segment of my blog and the new friends make me feel happier and encourage me to write. yes i feel sane and happy that i seem to have found my flair back.. phew!! :D *grins*

Tests , tests and more tests are coming my way... so yes that's screwing me big time but then to think just 16 days to go before my college days ends.. keeps me happy and gay :) yippee!!

Btw i started this post just for Anwesa to perk up her mood and it was her demand to read a rain post but i ended it up as yet another of my rants.. so sorry Anne.. don't mind.. I'm just not in my elements as of now... but will be back with a better post next time.. promise... :)

Earth Hour and its utility

Since today is the Earth Hour day from 8.30-9.30pm and the lights have to be out, i take it that you are all going to comply, you have to, its about protecting our environment, and yes even an hour of power saving helps. so while you do humanity a favor here are 5 things you can do to kill time ...

1~ Go for a walk, alone or with your loved ones, walking in the dark can be fun..
2~ arrange for a candle light dinner for the loved one.. or if you are single why not have dinner with friends and family?
3~play old fashioned games like ludo or carom, or spend quality time with family, talking over tea or snacks

4~why not take a power nap?one feels refreshed after a nap.. really helps trust me..
or if you are in a relationship, sneak in those kisses now and then,
mind you don't blame me if you get caught. :)
5~ if you have mosquitoes at your place learn to kill them in one whack!!, it can be fun!! or you could think....
dont ask me about what? ab kya main soch ne ka kaam bhi kar doon..alsi kahi kay!

P.S-Sorry i couldn't think of a better 'things to do'. im too tired and sleepy for words, i have been up since 4 this morning!! and i have to wake up at four again!! :(

P.S 2- thanks Ria for passing on the information about Earth Day!!

Bolt from the blue

It is a strange feeling when out of the blue comes someone whom you had lost in time. the feel is a little surprising, a whole lot queasy and nostalgic too. and when it happens to be your first crush whom you thought didn't notice you at all then. well i reopened my Facebook account again, for the god-knows-how-many-Th-time! and there was this invitation from this person called Maradona. and stunned i sat, staring at the invitation for whole 5 minutes. [Now his real name is Soumya and but he was popular by his nick name from the time i knew him.]

He was the first ever guy, i noticed and i had an instant crush on him. No i never told him i liked him, i never felt the need. Instead i helped him propose to my friend :D yeah crazy i was! but i was happy! i remember how i used to go to my skating classes without fail just so that mam would tell me to show him a few steps, and how happy i had been when once mam told me to hold his hands and show him the steps better. Nervous and excited almost apprehensive to hold hands, but he had reached out to take my hands in his to get me started. sigh! :D i remember how he used to be this stud, despite not being good looking and all, and id be just another girl, whom he barely noticed. once i had gone to our club, where there was a fair and i accompanied my neice, to climb up the 'air castle'- those things where kids are sent to jump and climb up, just to see him from the very top. damn! i never dared to tell him anything, maybe because i didn't think i was good enough; or because i was happy staring and admiring him from afar. i don't think he ever noticed me as an entity ever!

But apparently i was wrong. so am i happy or what? well a little to see that he actually found me out after almost10 years. that sure was something. made me smile at all those childish things i had done, just to see him. and how on finally realizing, that i never really existed for him, i withdrew from the club, never to go there again, which i still don't even now. but really thinking back i cant help but smile even those tears i had shed thinking of never seeing him and the dramatic feeling that i was moving away for good, had a sense of innocent love and is really endearing now. sigh!