Rainy Bangalore

I had just got off from work. The clock had just struck 6.35pm. I had missed talking to him because I got late, it didn’t really matter that he had been pretty tied up himself. The air was still, dusk was still yet to fall, and as soon as I stepped on the dusty streets...drop by drop, it all came pouring down suddenly. Within moments I was soaked to my skin… with my dearest possessions: laptop, ipod, cell phone and my watch nicely tucked in my bag pack; I finally allowed myself to let the rains purge my soul. For once it felt so good, I didn’t care about worldly things, gloomy thoughts that had been clouding my mind disappeared into thin air and memories came flooding in… Rains always reminds me of rain kissed Kolkata, the headlights of taxies getting blurred when seen from the rearview windows of cars, jumping over ditches and trudging through knee deep waters with shoes in hand…

Memories of rain kissed Kolkata are really something.. Like waking up to raindrops on my window pane.... tunneling deeper in my blanket and pulling it over my eyes…avoiding… first school and then as years wore on, college… Ma bringing in coffee and settling on my bed for a chat...running to the terrace as the storm threatened to blow the laundry away...Then there was the day when I left home for Bangalore about two years back… it had rained that day too… as if nature was crying with me, dissolving my pain and fears of leaving home for the first time…

I have had the strangest fixation with rains… Rains had always captured my imagination and if you have been reading me for as long as I have been ranting in this space, you will know exactly what I mean…

Rains suit your every mood don’t they? Sometimes when you are upset, let down by the world… you find a companion in the rains…they seem to wash away the pain and fill you with renewed energy…  Sometimes it just purges your soul and makes you feel whole again. That’s exactly what happened with me today. Days of feeling as if pain will tear me apart, as if a part of me has been amputed, numb.. for once the rain filled up a void in me which I have always suspected was within me but never knew existed. So what happened? I tried something which always helped: Retail therapy. O yes! After buying a skirt, a pair of three quarters and a matching tee, a pair of shorts, a wonderful green sweatshirt, a nice cute top and a cute night dress, yesterday, yes you read it right YESTERDAY! I went ahead and got myself some lingerie!! I tell you retail therapy really works!! And at the rate I’m going I’m surely gonna land up as a pauper before my next pay check arrives and that’s just 7 days to go… : ) Jokes apart… sometimes when we smile despite the pain that weighs you down, it feels great… smiling takes effort but when you do… the soul feels liberated..just like the rains that washes the dirt off the leaves, giving them a new lease of life..

Smile and the world smiles with you…  Gnite people… let the night fairy weave beautiful dreams on those lashes… let the fatigue give away to peaceful slumber…

Happy and Smiling again!

I haven't been in too good a mood of late. probably i have pissed off many by not taking calls or replying to the Ims and sms's. i have been unable to blog, there was no interest and no desire to do so. i have missed many post of yours which i should have read and commented, while some of you who have been extremely understanding and kind to me regarding the same, some have come up and demanded why i haven't replied to the comments or visited their blogs. to the latter i just have something to clarify, there are times i read but i am unable to comment, but basically i blog because i want to, and that it is a source of pleasure for me, i don't want to reduce it to a liability, where i feel obligated to comment just because someone has commented, i will do it because i want to not because i have to. so if i haven't been up to your expectation,i am sorry but i am what i am.

Anyway moving on... as of now i am feeling a whole lot better, in kinda good mood you can say. finally right now its raining, i mean the proper hours long rain that washes away the dust and clearing the humidity that made life so impossible for us.this is the first monsoon showers of the season.it pretty late but nonetheless here... so that's surely a breather. but i wanted to enjoy my beloved rains here before moving on. and thank god my wish was granted!did i tell you i absolutely love the rains??!! i simply loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorve the rains!! :D :)

On other happy events. very recently most of my friends from school met up and we had a whale of a time together, some of whom i was meeting after 5 long years. you can imagine 11 ladies seated at a corner at one of Kolkata's finest restaurants in a well known mall for a buffet; chattering, giggling, clicking pictures away to glory and having a ball. everyone was like super happy and excited to be back and it was one happy reunion! thankfully i met up all these beautiful people before i left or else id be missing on a lot, since i don't think i will be around for the later reunions. what i absolutely loved was the fact, that despite meeting up after 5 years it didn't seem as if we hadst been out of touch at all. and there was never a dull or awkward moment, smiles and giggles ruled the whole outing and it was one happening event to be in.

As the days are rolling by and time to leave comes nearer the fear and apprehension is making me all the more anxious and nervous but I'm trying my best to not make it more difficult for me and take things as they come.. and if you have friends like Nikhil and Anwesa who keep reminding you of the number of days left... god u can imagine... I'm ready to tear my hair out! :) :P Sorry to all you lovely people who has had to read my rants about my insecurities and leaving home blues.. sorry to have bored you to death but i will try and not whine and make it all worthwhile and if indeed i fail to keep my word please be patient as this is one of the most rough and harsh phase of my life... i will bounce back with my chirpy ways...

And o yeah... there is this one deed that makes me a lot happier and relived these days... there has been something that had made me all cold and unapproachable and this was because i have been angry and bitter... but i have learnt to let go and do what i want.. even if it means contradicting myself and at the cost of appearing confused to many... i will maintain what i had realized for myself... that i will preserve my individuality and strength of character no matter what...but at the same time... i will do things which i feel like doing... for i am answerable to no-one but myself. this makes me happy and i am happy to be loved and to love. it makes my plight a lot lesser and my heart a lot lighter... and makes me one happy girl!

Happy Rains to all you lovely people.... and ya in case you are interested in reading the guest post i wrote for NE aka Nehya...and here is one i did for Vinay aka Leo too...just click on the names.. :).. cya around!!

Introspection

Kolkata experienced the beginning of the monsoons with the cyclone ‘aila’ yeah right that’s precicely what most of us felt like when the news greeted us first thing in the morning. It was a destructively beautiful day, with strong gusts of wind stormed through the entire house, windows slammed and ambience was punctuated with regular breaking of glass and yells. It was an ominously exciting experience. When i went out in the late afternoon despite the warnings from Met department what i saw struck me with awe, destruction reigned, trees uprooted, people were dead and yet life seemed to go one even when the rains poured relentlessly. And how symbolic it was it reflected the storm that raged within me. Someone who loves the rain, these few days will be all that I will ever be able to experience from now on.

Preparations are on at home, with lists made and all, there is a strange finality in the air. Like ma exclaims, that she feels like she is marrying me off forever, and in a way it is so true. Once I leave chances of coming back to the city is so remote that I am rather unnerved by it all. Yes this is a dream of a lifetime, I wont back down or give it up but I know it is feat that would squeeze everything out me, it scares me. I have never stayed away from home for a long period of time and everytime I am away from familiar things I feel life go out of me. I know you will tell me it is a phase it will pass and I will settle down, and that people before me have done it and people after me will do it. I know, but it doesn’t make my ordeal any less. Even though such apprehensions reign my heart, I am a picture of poise and calm, my mind is as strong as steel.

 It is funny how, when you reach a socially agreeable position in life, there are people who flock you, who appreciate you and would do anything to gain favour with you. I saw this first hand with not just my peers but with others who earlier wouldn’t care much about me. Truly all my patience and tolerance of social anomaly has paid of. There was a time when a word said by me was slighted and was never believed, but today since all my words have come true I am in vogue, the most sought after.

 Is it wrong that after all the anguish I have gone through, I am happy that I want to for once live my life for myself? And give less priority to those who have slighted me before?

 I surprise myself each time, with the strength I feel within me and the conviction with which I deal with him. Last few months has been especially harsh on me. I was full of bitterness and anger. I have desired acceptance, I have craved love from people who have just insulted and humiliated me and I could do nothing to put an end to it. I had just tried to be patient and bear it all up in hope for my time to come and it has. Now I don’t want to be appreciated or accepted by them, I don’t need them around anymore. In a month and half I will be far far away from them, creating a life for myself one that is befitting me and one that I deserve, with them not being around to cast a shadow of misgivings on my life. I have endured much but not anymore.

 Is it wrong NOT to believe someone who repeatedly professes his feelings to you and makes tall promises but never ever fulfils them?

 I don’t like to hurt anyone. It does not bring me joy if I refuse a person for anything. But I am incapable to give my all, vanquishing the ‘I’ over ‘you’ that I had always done before. I am tired of believing and then being duped. I am tired of my thoughts being repeatedly raped and my emotions being molested time and again. For once I want to think of me, my future, my happiness, to see what life has in store for me. For once I want to challenge myself to move beyond known territory and make a mark for myself. I have so much I am indebted to, my folks who are doing their utmost to ensure that my dreams become a reality, this is the least I can do for them. I owe this to myself and to the hardwork I have put in.

In a way I am thankful to this opportunity. Had this opportunity never come my way, I would have never known the wealth of feelings people have for me and just how important they too are for me. My students face dissolving into tears made me believe again that love is really one feeling that creeps into our hearts without us being aware of it. Maybe once I am gone, people who have never really understood my worth all this while will finally wake up to reality.  Just the thought of leaving fills me with a fear of the unknown but I know I am not going to bow down to it, for I am destined for a greater role… 

Finally it Rained!!

Phew! finally it rained.... after a period of 8 days of continuous heat wave.. last evening finally the Norwesters descended... it was a relief.. with the storm blowing away the curtains.. the windows slamming...the cool breeze instilling a fresh new breath to life... finally the Kolkattans yesterday heaved a sigh of relief! 

if last night was one of the coolest and most pleasant nights of this summer season...today was simply spectacular...i woke up to a distinct chill making it impossible to continue sleeping... the sun didn't wake me up rudely this time.. and it was sheer bliss to snuggle in within sheets cuddling up to my niece...sigh! i couldn't thank god enough for this day.. for a day like this.. with clouds mystifying the sky...the sun nowhere in sight and the temperatures going down several notches...having to go to college or to study on a day like this is a crime...

It didn't take long for the threats of the cloud to turn to a reality...it poured cats and dogs.. relentlessly...and we all got a breather...with the heat wave forgotten for the moment.. its a perfect time to go for walks in the rain kissed streets..with hand in hand with that special one..to drop in at the local tea-walla...or the CCD and enjoying a hot cuppa... or sitting in the car with that special someone and watching the rains stain the glass... its just splendid! sigh!  

P.S; yeah yea its yet another rain post... but i do get to gloat 'i told you so' now didn't i?? :D!!

P.P.S: BTW guess what?? my Tamil exam finished.. nothing spectacular to talk about...but then i know i will pass. now that's what i call relief!! :D  so that's just 3 more exams to go... :) 

Rainy .....

Despite the sweat trickling down my face and my neck, despite the sun burning my skin, despite being tanned shades darker, do you know why Kolkata is the best in summers?? and why i simply and totally love the summers in spite of the soaring mercury?

Well no prizes for guessing its because of the rains... in Kolkata we haveNorwester called Kalboishakhi.. storm clouds darken the skies in the late evenings.. there is a storm, with cool cool breeze that almost wipes off the fatigue of the day, its such that it makes sweeps you off your feet and makes you forget the heat and humidity that made the day such an impossible one.. soon after dusk it rains hard for a spell and two and then its over, making the whole atmosphere much cooler, and with the breeze ensuring it remains so.. the nights sleep are assured to be good. but these rains are not the marathon ones which goes on for days, just those which pops up for sometime and then goes away. at times there are hail storms too and those are one helluva an experience.you just have to be here to experience it, its simply too good an experience to explain.

Last year a few friends from my locality called me up on a tremendously rainy day asking me if i was free, knowing that i was free i was ordered to change into shorts and tee. doing as i was asked, i stood waiting for my friends, i saw them wading through knee deep water waving frantically at me.. soon i joined them and together the three of us went almost swimming through the dirty water, with shoes floating .. young boys trying to catch fish[yeah there were fishes because we have a lake nearby which flooded its banks a little] and there we were out to survey our locality, of course we were eye candy, people stared at us thinking us to be mad. we sailed paper boats and went in search of a nearby chai shop which obviously wasn't opened because we three were the only mad ones out...nonetheless it was amazing... it was rather cold and wading through the cold water made our feet numb, but then chatting away to glory with friends reliving the times spent as kids is the ultimate bliss... it felt like old times when as kids we would purposely get out of home just to sail paper boats and splash about. rains always remind me of pleasant things... it has a magical effect on me.. and i so love the rains!!

Yeah this is yet another rain induced post but i just cant help it.. its just that it rained three days in a row, which made me really happy from inside, something which i was in look out for since a long time, at a time when I'm really caught up with tons of work and tensions and fear. it has been raining bad things at my end but these rare moments of happiness and smiles are like a much needed respite.

On graver issues.. one of the two friends with whom i have grown up and about whom i spoke about a little earlier, just informed me that her mother is suffering from crevical cancer. its a blow not only to my friend but to me too. her mother is like a mother to me too, all three of us have spent our prime together and its really a tremendous shock! here's wishing Kakima recovers from this grave ailment... and may god give us strength to bear this cross bravely...


On a lighter note.. its Uncle's birthday... [Richa's Dad] here's wishing you uncle A Very Happy Birthday!! :)

Moreover, the last two months i had just lost touch with 'me' and my blogging suffered. i wanted to write but couldn't hence the sloppy posts and frequent tags. i don't know why but i feel good despite everything falling apart around me. the comment segment of my blog and the new friends make me feel happier and encourage me to write. yes i feel sane and happy that i seem to have found my flair back.. phew!! :D *grins*

Tests , tests and more tests are coming my way... so yes that's screwing me big time but then to think just 16 days to go before my college days ends.. keeps me happy and gay :) yippee!!

Btw i started this post just for Anwesa to perk up her mood and it was her demand to read a rain post but i ended it up as yet another of my rants.. so sorry Anne.. don't mind.. I'm just not in my elements as of now... but will be back with a better post next time.. promise... :)

Raindrops and Roses..

It rained last night, almost. the short spell of shower induced the wet-earth spell that i so love and i was lost. this has to be the first of the rain influenced posts that are due this rainy season, friends who read me for a long time now will definitely agree :) i have this strange thing with rain. it makes me happy and sad at the same time. in kolkata, yes that's where i stay, rain is associated with water logging and a bad case at that, not as bad as Mumbai though but pretty bad, i mean we are still known for it. anyway who cares at least we get a few unapproved leaves right?


Waking up to rainy days ranks among the first of the things i absolutely love. the cold cold feeling, snuggling deeper into the sheets, the pitter patter raindrops on the glass pane, is simply heavenly. days like this, i simply wear an old sweatshirt and worn out jeans and socks, pull my legs beneath me and simply blog or read a good book while dad brings in some great coffee!! sigh!! I'm already back in time it seems, even though rain has long since stopped...


Rainy days like these are a big with Samik and me. i remember once it had rained cats and dogs, and it was the last day of Samik's before he joined office. and we just had to spend that day together, yet the transport situation was real bad. but somehow Samik waded through knee deep water till my place, where i was waiting with rolled up jeans, flip flips, umbrella in hand trying to almost wade through all that water just to meet him. that day we walked almost two kilometers to Barista for coffee and it was heavenly. With freshly brewed coffee sat there, with muffins and pastries as we chatted to our hearts content, watching the city in inaction. it was in a way surreal..


Some day those were..once.. this was really early into our courtship maybe just months into our relationship.. in those days, back when i was in school... Samik would persuade me for a week and half and then id relent to meet him. so our meetings would be few and far in between. once dad went to Hyderabad for the Asian Games and i pataoed mom to the hilt and asked her for those 5 days as a gift, and those 5 days were ours and just for ours to live. we met in rain and in sun and literally so. it was hot and sultry the first 2 days and then it poured and how. dad once called me and i was nowhere near home he tells me "i just saw the tv. they are saying Kolkata is under water due to heavy rains. where are you?" and I'm like "baba im with friends in our locality it is hardly that bad!" when i was actually miles away from home and still in a much water logged area!! but it was all good fun!! :) really its getting me nostalgic here... so what happened?? well those initial months became years... and now 5 years into the relationship.. Samik is working and i'm on my way out of college.. finally life caught up on us..now its more like.."yes it happened.. once upon a time...."sigh! :)

i woke up today to a heavenly morning a perfect treat to last few weeks of harsh slogging.i woke up to feeling very cold,almost shivery.i managed to pry open an eye to check the mobile clock.7.15am! shit! just imagine!last few weeks i have been trying to wake up by 7.30 so that i have a few extra hours before i have to rush off to college and today on such a perfect day i get to wake up even before my alarm went off!the sky had darkened and the curtains were being tossed by the cool breeze as the pitter patter rain drop continued.

last few weeks all i have been doing is running from once class to another.writing kilometers and kilometers of parchments of notes that i have already exhausted 3 copies in just 3 months.tests and preparation took my time and all i seem to be doing is slog,to push myself to the hilt.the reason is more than one,i was just channelizing my frustration and anger to a positive direction.why sit and mop?so when i woke up today the temptation of not giving into not going to college almost seduced me when the clear sky brought an end to all my romantic wanderings of my heart! sigh!

sometimes i wonder if hard work pays after all i have been in this grind for months now when i see others seem to be having a good time and sailing through life without the hard work?then i think i should not bother if it does because i should be happy with whatever i am doing.results and what others are doing and how is irrelevant!i read it somewhere and it has kind of stuck "people who care not matter,and people who matter don't care" and this has become my thread of logic for all those in my class who are insecure about themselves, who spread baseless "rumours" about people just to satisfy themselves with an illusion.who cares what others think as long as i know i am right!there will always be a cruella in every sphere of life who will dedicate her life to wreck yours, the trick is not to bother.so the jhonny bravos who think taking a jive at people will yield to some moments of mirth can think again! since virtue and morality and in that case dignity all gone for a toss its a time to replace these with laughter and frolic,or so it seems.

its amusing to see life becoming so grotesque and so appalling.but then even in murky waters blossoms the lotus and hence there is always a lesson to learn with every incident that occurs to us.


P.S- a big THANK YOU to all those who commented on my last post!i was feeling extremely down and a bit neglected as i thought my blogger friends had forgotten all about me but the comments really touched me and in more ways than one i feel blessed.thanks once again!

"a narcissistic post!"

The weather is just tailor made for me, its gloomy and rainy and extremely chilly, just the way i love it! despite the troubles in life, nature always finds a way to lift my gloom. after being really cloudy for the past few days, it finally rained.... like the MET said it would. it began to drizzle around 10 last night and began to pour at about 3 am. my joy knew no bounds when i peered sleepy from beneath the blanket only to see it raining and it being extremely cloudy. from the moment my feet touched the ground [sadly i missed landing on the rug :P] and my god! it felt as if i was walking on ice, teeth clattering and almost shivering to death i quickly freshened up and then i was back, i dived right into my bed. then almost an hour long session of talking to Samik.. poor he was rudely woken up from sleep almost at 7 in the morning, because "I" i wanted to talk to him, thankfully he didn't crib! it was picture perfect!

It was brought to my notice, that of late i have become very industrious. and that is so true. nowadays i am so busy, I'm always studying maybe for college my entrance examination preparation or pleasure reading books, or even blog reading and writing.i try and wake up early, do my yoga and then i try and read the new-paper cover to cover and then rush for college.despite the heaviness of my heart, I'm just loving this, the continuous pace that my life has, the fact that i am always on the run for something or other keeps me busy. and i don't even have a moment to stay idle. when the clock strikes 12, i gratefully turn in and as the lights go off and my room is plunged into darkness i gratefully close my eyes and almost instantly i am off to sleepy land... and this is exactly what i want from life, i don't want even a moment to think about things that will just make me more depressed. there is a goal and these few months of toil will yield good results when the time is right.

while walking back from college, totally chilled to the bone i suddenly yearned for some really junk food, KFC zinger burger or maybe pizza....KFC is quite far from my place but Dominos is not, for once i was tempted to order for home delivery!but then i stopped. being a regular average college goer, i get enough pocket money but like most i don't splurge on myself unless i am out with Samik and being the saver i am, its tough to even spend each dime, if i can save it and put it in use later! :( how i wish there would be a time when i can splurge on anything i wish, without having to see the price tag before doing so! aah wishful thinking! i don't know how long i will get affected by things that is never to be, maybe that is one lesson i am yet to learn :P!

P.S- I'm really sorry if i bored you to death, just wanted to indulge myself! :)

and down came the rain!

It had rained cats and dogs last 3 days.kolkata was floating and i had to at the same ghisa pita khichuri [khichri] and omlettle.monday morning brought with it more blues than usual:reason?well i had a test that day and secondly it was raining and i didnt feel like studying,forget giving exams.sheesh!somehow i peruaded the"class sneak" to approach our mam and delay our test.god must be feeling benevolent that day,mam postponed it till friday.whooopie!!what fun!been reading blogs,surfing and basking in india's win in the semi's the day before when a call came:

tua-ai tuiki free?[are u free?]

me-yeah keno re?bore hocchey ashbi?[im feeling bored wanna come over?]

tua-dara ashchi aktu porey adda marbo[wait coming in sometime,we can chat]

In 15 min or so my childhood friends turned up.after pestering the life out of some people who became the victims of our crazy and whacky ways.tua, putu and me did some really silly stuff to pass time as we munched on biscuits and snacks.soon we were bored and the weather was amazing so we decided to go out and survey the neighborhood.we made paper boats of different shapes and sizes, wore chappels carrying umbrellas in tow we padded though the water logged streets chit chatting.it was great fun!what with us trying to find dry land whenever a huge car came speeding by threatening to drench us and the chill in the air made our teeth clatter.if i were you i would try this out just once,really perks up ur day and lifts ur spirit specially since rains brings with it a lot of gloom and boredom.

rainy day

I woke up with pitter patter rain drops on my window sill…I pulled the covers up and snuggled in…the sweet haven within my bed is a welcome pleasure with loaded pressure of the past month or so….when I look back I feel proud about me…this past one month I have suddenly grown up…I have stayed active.. I have done a part time…had a blast with friends…helped dad in office…and its really remarkable that I survive on a petty amount of cash on two whole months…its no great feat for me because I am a BIG saver…but despite the nagging thought of hardly anything to save and a shoe string budget I can now heave a sigh of relief! College starts in 6 days time…so does the influx of pocket money :D..

Wearing a faded blue jeans and a baggy tee I sit by the window…and type furiously…feeling extremely happy and moody at the same time…it feel good to brood…and its hard not to.. what with the romantic weather …just perfect to sit and let your thoughts take flight….with a steaming cup of coffee with legs curled in within me…it seems absolutely heavenly to close my eyes…smell the coffee and feel the warmth seeping through the cup onto my palms.. Rain makes the whole atmosphere somehow a whole lot chilly…and nothing like coffee…I notice this change about me…earlier while in school…despite being a very school loving kid who hated to be absent I used to hate rainy days because it made me gloomy…now I simple cant pull myself out of the spell of nature….be it rain or moon or breeze…I associate smells and feel,to memories and feelings….

Like a larvae evolves into a caterpillar and then into a beautiful butterfly I have evolved…become more mature…. Strange how in my childhood I was tagged as “the girl who was bright but didn’t work hard enough to prosper”… always an underdog I took every snide comment into my stride, I knew someday I ll prove that I am not a worthless fool… I knew that someday I ll grab eye balls and do well… just that time hadn’t come…but it will… and this semester it did it for me… and all those people who thought I am not good enough can now go to hell....

If the morning was so picture perfect and romantic the evening was polar opposite and nightmarish….. I went to teach that day and I waded through knee deep water to get there… and then after a pleasant one and a half hour of being there I left in heavy rain…. Then being the dutiful daughter I called up mom and asked her if she needed any supplies because I knew the depression would last for the coming few days….and that was one huge mistake…I missed a bus the only one that would take me home…. Mom knew that I finished my tuitions so she began to worry as the weather worsened….i got drenched in the cold showers pouring in heavy torrents…stood alone under a roughly created roof…with stinky people staring at me getting translucent by the moment…and that awful smell…arrrrrgghhh! Somehow thankfully after almost an hours and half the bus finally came and somewhat packed like sardines I reached my stop…I waded through the water half way home but had to come back to take a rickshaw that took 4 times the fare and then in absolutely no light…I literally swam in above knee deep water with rain pelting down…while frogs croaked as backdrop music and stuff floating by,which I tried real hard to overlook…I reached home drenched…but in one piece…does that mean my tryst with rain stops after this?? Hell no…even after 3 days of continues rain…feeling handicapped without electricity in regular intervals and absolutely no internet connection and no cable…I still love the rain…

Today I went to college…armed to beat the rain that threatened to play spoil sport…with my jeans rolled up…. wearing a jacket to beat the rain and the chills with a huge umbrella in a gay colour… and my my! Didn’t we have fun….first in college. Where we all huddled together, having coffee and chatting up and then a nice coffee treat in CCD...what a splendid way to beat rain at her own game!

A walk in the rain

Storm clouds darken the sky

Soon it began to pour

I let the raindrops soak me

Head to toe

I let the rain purge me soul

And make my spirits soar

I submit myself

To the mercy of the rain gods

I skip the puddles and

Jump the ditches and walk along

With a spring in each step

Feeling happy within.

The worries seem to have lifted

Even if momentarily

Pain has been drowned

And tears washed away…

My heart sang a different tune

Eyes sparkled and spirit danced away

As rain water dripped from my face

And drenched me all the way…

And then the rain came pouring down

The atmosphere was hot and humid; it seemed that not one drop of perspiration could get soaked. There was this heaviness in the air; everything was still as if something would happen. Not one leaf moved, not a bird was to be seen. as drivers sweated it out behind the wheels, waiting for the signal to turn green; somewhere unnoticed millions of red ants made their way, in symmetrical lines, scurrying to seek refuge and stock the food they were carrying.[they say ants signify rain]I look up and pray to the sky God to answer my prayers and send rain pouring down, washing and cleansing and giving respite to all suffering the heat attack. We have had quite a few false hope of rain…and then we were denied but this time I hoped beyond hope that it does “pour” and not rain. No amounts of juice, water, cold drink could quench the thirst or put the heat down. Humidity level plummeted as the storm clouds darkened the sky….. Promised rain???

“and then the rain came pouring down” in big, huge drops and then in almost torrents bringing respite to all. despite carrying several packages, my bag, books and stationary and being in a very awkward situation: I threw caution away and walked [I could have taken a rickshaw but I preferred to walk] home. Those 20 minutes may not have been the most comfortable of times but then it has been extremely satisfying, happy, and a purging experience for me.

Suddenly I felt tears pricking my eye and then it trickled its way down. the rain prevented others from viewing it, I realized it was just like old times… walking in the rain crying but then it wasn’t old times…the tears in my eye wasn’t of pain or anguish like before but were tears of happiness and peace…it felt as if rain washed my worries and grief of the last few days away…the awful feeling that I would have another day at office the next day or, the several other problems that keep nagging my mind….it felt good to let my frustration and fatigue being purged…moreover it felt nice to let the un-cried tears trickle down…with every gulp of the fresh air I felt rejuvenated …it felt like I was walking upon the air…it felt damn good to forget about everything but the numbing effect of rain on my face…. Disregarding the sneers and leaching on the streets and the reprimanding looks from elderly people seeing a young girl walking home in the rain instead of taking shelter somewhere….it felt amazing…rain never felt this good….maybe the only other time I had this enjoyable time was when I was in class 5 or 6 when all my friends in the locality met up in this garden of this house where we usually played….that too in out night clothes just to get drenched together first thing in the morning in the first showers of the year that heralded the monsoons…those were some fun…and now that I am all grown up.. hmm ok not so much in fact but quite a bit I haven’t lost the ability to enjoy these finer points in life… rain and the smell of wet earth brings back wealth of memories of my innocent childhood and friends who are now scattered and lost in their busy lives but frozen in my memories when we used to huddle together and play cricket….the house with the garden: our childhood hangout and play ground has now been broken down and in its place stands a tall and handsome multistoried building yet the memories stay…

Two lines of this popular Hindi song comes to my mind now….

Nagme hain,shikve hain,kisse hain batein hain
Batein bhul jati hain yadein yaad ati hai..
Yeh yaiein kissi dil o janam kay
Chale janey ke baad ati hain…
Yeh yadein…yadein.

One forgets the words that has been said

One forgets the pain or the song
That has once being sung
But what remain forever are the memories
And these memories come back
When your beloved is not near
Memories… memories…

Lost in nostalgia and the safe haven of my thoughts….unknown its morning once again…. Mom just brought me my morning coffee…feels wonderful actually to let my mind weave a cocoon of memory and of feelings; which even for a few moments lets you escape to a utopian world… since its still pouring hard maybe I’ll just give office a miss today. HURRAY! It would really be a crime to work on such a beautiful day…in any case I had lots of work…first meeting samik for coffee and then ipsy for shopping…god..i really need rest now

Chiao!people
Have a wonderful day ahead!