Disclaimer: the author writes the following based on her personal experience. She does not wish to generalize. She holds respect for women and men alike and in no way does she suggest that her experiences as the norm. She firmly believes in exception as a rule.
I have been reading Rabindranath’s short stories along with Ashapurna Devi and a few others, trust me its strictly related to the course at college. The literature pieces we are studying are from the perspective of Indian society and the position of women that was prevalent in the 19th century Bengal. While reading what shocked me, being a 21st century woman, is the way the women were treated then but what absolutely appalled me was, when I tried to co-relate what I learnt with my immediate reality, only to realize we are maybe a little better off but that is only in degrees but the whole issue however remains the same.I have been brought up in a convent background for 14 years of my life, which I believe makes me different from the rest of my peers. A convent upbringing gives one a highly European stylized life, where a woman is not just taught good manners and just how to be dainty and polite but she is taught to be independent, to question what she receives and to have an opinion and to express it. I believe I have greatly imbibed these qualities which has forever placed me in the firing line of the society I’m seated in. The reason I say this is because of the conflict I have had to face in every aspect of life.
From the time I was an adolescent I was rebellious, fiercely independent, I had a mind of my own and I always stood up for what I believed was right. Over the years I may have become a little mild but I do retain most of my wild streak. Most often I have had to hear “having an opinion of your own isn’t that good for a woman, you must look out” or while helping out mom with making parathas I have had to hear “its good that you are finally taking an interest in these things, this will come handy when you are at your in-laws” or “you are a girl, so you should quit thinking of leaving the city and engage yourself in a teaching course, it is by far the safest” these may sound outrageous to a 21st century woman however these are a reality, and trust me not just mine. Thankfully I have parents who support me in my ambitions, and despite being 21 and going to be a graduate soon, they haven’t yet broached the topic of marriage yet; honestly I feel thankful, for the world subjects me to a forceful realization that I am a girl and there are a set pattern that I need to follow.
I have noticed from my personal experience that often daughters and daughter-in-laws are treated differently, yes even in 21st century. When it comes to dreams of their daughter they go out in support but when it comes to the daughter in laws the conventions and traditions step in. Moreover the groom’s family often put on an air of being superior to the bride’s, an age old mal-practice still exists, where for no apparent reason the grooms family get all snooty and high handed over the brides even though the bride maybe greater in terms of education or culture. The men I have come across are really well turned out, they are opinionated, they stand by what they believe in, they allow their women to be the person they are, and respect them for that, however coming across men who do have an education to boost of and well placed in life but despite that they are male chauvinists in hiding and think being with a girl means owning her, this leaves a bitter taste in my mouth to see men who go out of their way to woo a girl but fail to give her, her due when it comes to standing up for her and his choices.When faced with such situations and judging by the way I violently react to such gender based partiality I am subjected to I am forced to wonder if for me my education has been beneficial or not. My education tells me to protest and not given in to the sheer humiliation I am subjected to because I am a girl. But convention tells me a girl needs to compromise a lot and accommodate a lot of things in life, and if not done so then she has to face bitter consequences. If I react to the gender biases then I become arrogant and haughty and if I don’t I am being a coward for not standing up to what I believe is right. If I don’t keep mum I’m likely to have a tumultuous life, beset with difficulties., and this makes me come to a cross-road where I am to decide which path is right for me.
Sometimes I wish I had a general education then maybe I would have not reacted to such atrocities and took whatever comes my way without questioning. Is there no way out? Are women only meant to suffer and endure without complaining or questioning? I’m about to take a major decision in life soon, my mind tells me it will be an uphill task if I agree because I am what I am and to have a smooth life I need to endure whatever comes my way, which I don’t think I am capable of. But then again if I choose to stand by what I believe I wonder if ever I will be in a different situation than this, because even though exceptions are the rule. They are few and far between.
