Flying on a jet plane

I know most of you will find this really silly and childish but then since it was my first ever airplane ride it was really special to me and that's what this post is about.

as a child i would keep staring at all those airplanes or helicopters that would fly in the sky above, and i would squint till it disappeared amidst clouds. this habit or fascination stayed with me until recently. so you can imagine what i must have felt like when i finally got the tickets to fly home for the pujas. and to add to that i was going home, life seemed blissful. without having any prior knowledge about flight experience i faltered quite a few times but thankfully i didn't really goof up.

the best part of the whole 2 way flight experience was the view. while flying home i had taken the evening flight so i actually saw the cities i passed twinkling. highways seemed like river of lights snaking its way through mountains and hillocks. this may be quite a common sight for regular flyer's but for me it was a scene id die for.. it was something i had never seen before. and while i was flying on my way back it was another experience because i saw the sunrise as my flight took off and then the whole world glistening under the morning sun... white clouds floated around.. the land below looked like what an overview of Fb would look like... it was amazing... despite being tired and utterly stressed on both times i didn't sleep a wink.. i was glued to the window taking in the sight ... it was one beautiful experience...

P.S- do pardon my childlike excitement... but i really thought it is important to to share one of the most beautiful experiences of my life...

Yahoo

Have you ever loved someone knowing you will lose him?

I don't know if this will ever make sense to you, whether you will understand the gravity of what i am writing, but to me it means a lot.

Yahoo came to our house on a two day visit. He is my dad's friends pup. he is barely a month old. He was our guest for two days until he was to be taken away. knowing all we welcomed him into our heart and our lives. Repercussions of what will happen when he leaves never once entered our minds, we loved him as our own and we received him into our lives willingly. two days passed in a blink of an eye... its been around19 hours since he left... his presence is still missed... his small pranks... his running around everywhere... his sniffing and then chewing the legs of the chairs.. his bed remains untouched..rumpled as he has left it...

We miss you Yahoo.. you came for a few days and left an imprint on our mind for years to come. i know i will never have a pup at my place but the fact that you came and fulfilled my childhood dream, means much... i so hope you have a fulfilling life ahead with your new masters and new life.. while i will always treasure these borrowed moments...

Fleeting Emotions...

The past two weeks have been really rough on me... with hordes of entrances... and semesters knocking at my door.. i have hardly slept for 10 hours in the last 72 hours.. i didnt have the time to even breath let alone to heave a sigh....yea i know you couldn't guess with the regular flow of posts and all.. :) but that's how i am.. i blog like crazy when all i should be doing is study.. like i should now.. ya i have one more test to go.. that is tomorrow :) now now don't get angry... i will make it all in good time..trust me...blogging is therapeutic for me...yes i have an accute case 'blog-o-mania" :)

As i type this I'm caressed by the cool breeze that whisper of the storm that is soon to follow...i feel a lot empty inside...my niece has gone back home or the next few days to be with her parents and here i am feeling a lot lost.. i don't know which one is better..cribbing that she practically sleeps all over me ensuring that i have a eventful night battling her kicks and snuggles.. or miss the warmest of hugs i get before i finally succumb to sleep.. since she came to live with me with measles life is no longer the same...my room has been taken over..even my cupboards captured but strangely today almost 4 months to the date..i feel so accomplished and so peaceful.. because with her mere presence Roshni [my niece] just calms me down and fills colour to my life... inventing a new name everyday, or scurrying home, or surprising her with little somethings every time i return home, to those delightful melting moments when delighted by the money i give her she runs to the shop near by for her favourite ice-cream to those sneaky chocolate sessions... these now seems such an integral part of my life.. i wonder what i am to do if i am to leave the city.. or how she is going to survive once i am gone.. :) kids are such  darlings i tell you.. to have such darlings I'm ready to overcome my phobia about giving birth it really is worth it...

ICSE results were declared today and my student fared really well and i feel so proud of her. We started of being teacher and student but at the end of an year I'm her mentor and then her friend. Knowing the mental conditions she was going through from almost every quarter of life, its a miracle she did so well.. and i am one happy teacher.. it feels great finally to see something you gave life to become successful it is one hell of a accomplished feeling... Congratulations Sushmita!! here's to newer shores and broader horizons!! Cheers!! :)

I have been having pretty harrowing time.. with a range of emotions changing with rapid succession.. fear, anger,depression,hope,anger, happiness and despair and hope again..not it is not just PMS but life for sure...i feel i have aged manifold in the month..i could have broken down in despair and given up the fight but i choose not to, i took risks.. i did whatever i could to nurse my dream and see it to completion... the rest.. is on God and what he wants to fashion my life...but whatever it is.. i am ready...i am ready to give it my best, to dare to dream, to achieve and face the verdict whatever it maybe... 

After more than a year of despair... there is a glimmer of hope...prayers maybe answered..labour may just be rewarded... *keeping my finger crossed*  may peace and prosperity be restored, may the good times come, and are here to stay..

the storm clouds seems to have been blown away... literally soo.. :( so this is to be a rain-less night! sigh! damn! yes now i must get back to my books... tadaaa :)

The day I Puked 6 times!!

I really had a horrendous time yesterday and trust me you dont know just what i went through. my student wanted to go out for lunch and wanted to treat me. so went to the mall nearby namely south city, there we choose a simple non-veg thali, it was delicious with dal makhni,chicken,phool gobi and aloo sabji,rice and paratha as well. the meal was sumptuous untill we decided to finsih it off with brownie from flury's and then wash it down with coffee. damn!! thats the wrong part, since my student had planned it and all i couldnt refuse the huge array of food she had intended. i knew the moment i was half way through the brownie, that i had just overstepped the line. and from then on i started falling ill.

I dont know how but we managed to get home, i was feeling like hell and it seemed so funny to my silly but nice student who decided to make matters worse by talking of food and egging me on.. i tried calming down but the uneasyness wouldnt go, then i just rushed to the loo for a session of puking. just when i sat down and thought.. "okay so the worst is over.." just then i got another call so i just rushed off to another puking session... then another and another... another then another and at last the 6th and the last time...so an exhaustive me almost passed out on the bathroom floor, with a bad case of migraine just setting in.. somehow i pulled myself up and as i peered into the mirror i saw a strange face staring back, sullen eyes, with ters running down and blood ozzing out of my nostrils.after repeated washing it just wouldnt go, and the blood just wouldnt stop it took an hour and almost 10-15 cotten buds and then the blood just stopped pouring!! :D

I asked mom if i could be hospitalized and all and she flatly refused me..damn!! there went my deam of being hospitalized. did i tell you that i have a strange fixation with being admitted in the hospitals. i just want to be admitted and then have all my friends and relatives swarming up to meet me and make me feel important..but that's a different story :)

Being a girl is like living a life of utter indignity!

Let me warn you that i am angry and extremely pissed and this post is just a remedy to get off that thing that has turned my life living hell. So if you think you will be bored stop reading it, now or come back later when a different post is up. I should probably post this is my all girls blog but then i need to vent and i need to vent it here.
For the first time in life i felt that being a girl can be such a pain in life. Until today I have never faced the brunt of any injustice because i am a girl but what happened today made me feel bad for being a girl. What happened today shouldn't have happened and i don't know just how to get over it and move on. I know tomorrow maybe i will have better sense to look beyond everything, to regain the hope and faith and deal with this situation better but as of now, I'm angry,insulted, pissed, humiliated hurt and extremely disappointed.
A girl no matter how careerist, or homely, always envisions that the day the talks of her marriage will be broached will be a happy affair. it will be a beautiful moment that will be with her for life. I'm not different. but today my happiness turned into insult, humiliation and utter disappointment and hurt. Samik's folks brought up the topic of marriage today. its their tonality and perspective of looking at our marriage that led to this being my worst nightmare. They made me feel I'm an object.. some alu bhindi, with no dreams or desires, that i should get married and why? Because if Samik gets married then he will be settled he will learn to take responsibilities, and if he moves out of town, he will have me to take care of him. i wonder why his parents need a literature graduate servant for their son, to take care of him. i was angry and aghast. all this was coming from people who i believed loved me back, who are so concerned about me and my well being. they know about my future aspirations to study and work and yet they say stuff like this; and what could be worse, they spoke to me in third person, making me feel even worse, like "we were telling samik, get married because you will have someone to take care of you, and you wont be feeling alone or bored. having a wife will make him responsible" and i was dying to yell at them, " and what about me? and my dreams and wishes? am i that trivial?" damn!! i cant belive people in 21st century are like this, specially people who claim to love me treating me like im something that need to be weighed and sold; it hurts like hell. i cant belive that such people exist who they have double standards one reserved for thier daughter and one for their daughter-in-law.

Are we girls born only so that we can be married off?? are we not an individual at all? if any of you guys reading this, then make a mental note now; never let your parents talk you into such atrocious things, never do it to your own daughter and never ever let anyone related to you or not, go through this at all. marraige is a beautiful thing to happen, but it should happen when the time is right and when the two people are ready for it. i hope none of you have to go through what i did.

Btw NO IM NOT GETTING MARRIED!! :x

This year that was

The night before a New Year dawns is something very sentimental and teary to me, I don’t know why, maybe after yet another year of struggle there are apprehensions and hopes of just how the next year would turn out to be.

This year when first woke up, something in the air told me ‘this would be my year’. With the year almost coming to an end I know otherwise. Contrary to what I had hoped this year like others was a roller coaster. Nothing went ‘my’ way and it actually went where I didn’t want it to go. 4th semester results were bad and all because I refused to give my all to Tamil, a compulsory paper in our syllabus. Other cheated and studied and sneaked their way past a surprising good result for the first time, and I was there shocked at my results and to see my hard work go to waste, it was a huge setback but then somehow I battled it out. Slowly I retreated into my shell and stove to work harder.

The best that happened to me was my Vizaq trip that I went with my college. I didn’t have friends, people I had purposely severed from myself. There was this one time friend of mine who was there in the group and I was even apprehensive to go for the trip. Agreeing to the trip was the wisest thing I did. During the trip my friend and I finally buried the hatchet and talked out our differences. Amidst tears of regret and pain of longing for a year of separation my best friend from college and I were back to being the good friends that we once were and this time we swore that we would learn from our mistakes. We have braved a few hurdles now and then and we seem to be doing fine. [Touchwood] otherwise too the trip enabled me to visit a very beautiful place, somewhere I found the inner peace I had been looking for. The waves breaking on the beach of Vizaq calmed the inner turmoil I was battling then. And the break was refreshing.

I lost a great friend whom I had patched up with, after finding out ‘its’ true colors. Regrets? Yeah a little maybe. A beautiful thing that I created I saw wilting before me, it was one of the most jarring effects in my life and led me to contemplate a lot of things in life. I found a beautiful angel on blogger; Harshi; and finding her was a revelation; she helped me evolve over the time and made me a better person. Richa is like an addiction now, I cant pass a day without talking to her. Divs too was a great friend to have and I sincerely hope she hasn’t left us and she comes back soon. PJ has now become like this cute little sister to me, and is quite precious, then there is my newest friend Anwesa whom I’m getting to know and with the looks of it, we are about to hit it off real well. So blog world was an ultimate retreat and a source of pleasure.

My personal life is nothing worth talking about, for it wasn’t really bright but with the optimism that Harshi instilled in me I think I could make the best of a rotten situation. I found courage to fight back despair and let hope reign and I hope things work out on personal front, for carrying on this charade can be quite a burden.

So predictions for the next year? To be honest, I think next year will be more rotten than this year, I foresee a dip in finances, and loads of difficulties and disappointments coming my way. But now I’m somewhat prepared to deal with whatever comes my way. I know its worth all the pain because at the end of it I learn something. I can try my best rest is up to what is planned for me.

I hope you guys had a great year and here’s hoping that the New Year brings you prosperity, happiness and many things more.

Stay happy and keep smiling

Love Phoenix

Updates

So finally exams are over!! time to rejoice...my last exam was rocking and no guesses for this one.. yup it was my favorite prof's paper :) so now that my exams are over i have a 'to do' list waiting.. loads of laundry,reorganizing my cupboard, some serious thinking and loads of fun needs to be done ASAP!! a small little trip is in waiting and wow I'm excited about it... and then there are a lot of social do's to attend to. Sunday I'm supposed to go out on a picnic to the zoo with Samik's folks and two adorable kids, Mohor Samik's neice,aged 2 and Rishu Samik's brother[uncles son]aged 4. i get along well with both hence the request was made.. boy wont it be fun to be with kids and visit the zoo after more than a decade of my last visit. there are a few marriages i have to attend to, not that i look forward to it but then Samik and i need to attend it nonetheless, his office colleagues after all.

This time i have planned to take time off from the 20Th-4Th of January from all the pesky kids i teach. i ll be on total rest, and hopefully loads of fun and entertainment will come my way and the way things look breathing will be the last thing on my mind :) but hey the first and foremost i need to catch up on some solid sleep. Ive been deprived of sleep. in the last 42 hours, i have slept for only 2 and a half hours. been up since 3 today, had exams then a tuition's and then this royal event i will just come up to. needless to say I'm dog tired and what i need now is to slow down and simply rest.. sigh!

Okay now for the royal news. my friend is the coordinator of our college for NDTV and he ensured that i was among those who could be on the sets of NDTV's Kolkata round of 'Indian Of The Year' program. it will be aired and as an audience i was there in both the Hindi and the English edition of the program. i even got to rub shoulders with the creme de la creme of Kolkata's social circuits, Usha Uthup, Bikram Ghosh, Dolly Basu, Derek O'Brian and few others were present. what was best about the English edition was, that we discussed the war on Mumbai in depth and the comments and solutions that came up were a proof of politically radical Indians who really care and follow events instead of just turning a blind eye to it. in the Hindi episode we had a discussion on 3 major categories in which there were nominees and if we were to vote from each category then who would we vote for? what was most interesting was that people actually came up with the modifications that could be made in the list of nominees; but what was important was the desire to see a common man who has reached the zenith to be the Indian of the Year, and almost everyone voiced spontaneously that all those who were a part of the rescue operation in the war against Mumbai deserved to be the Indian of the Year.

I got some first hand knowledge of the journalism that takes place, the nitty ghitties of shooting, the camera angels and how this whole system works. i was fascinated how the whole episode was shot spontaneous without rehearsals or any script. the mark of a great journalist is to man any given situation and here Mr Vishnu Som excelled, not only with the interaction with the crowd, the powerful throw of the words but most importantly how he weaved the statements of commoners and the celebrities alike into a whole, and moderating the whole episode. I'm totally floored by the professionalism and finesse. man! what an experience this is!! *Sigh*

Time to hit the sack or i might just collapse here...

Have a happy weekend..

Cheers!!