Im a moron!

yeah yeah ive been so lousy the last few days or is that weeks?well who cares?no one reads me anymore and i am so bored with myself and hate the fact that i cant seem to come up with something interesting to write or do!sheesh probably i should get a new life?but how?would it cost much???duh!silly small talk... but who cares?

ive been swinging from feeling high to down right low!there was the one balmy evening where i was sitting,my legs curled up beneath me watching tv and reading frontline, as the nice breeze ruffled my hair and caressed my face,i was filled with a sudden bout of happiness!and darn the next moment i found tears rolling down!wow!i can be such a geek!god save me!you ask me why have you been so sloppy and teary eyed?id fib 'o! nothing PMS or something!' but hell no!been missing a few people in my life who are no longer a part of my life no anyway!but then why this nostalgia and all?well nothing much,being the emotional fool i am i do tend to think back to old friends.

ive been thinking for quite sometime now of writing a book.but then as usual the same problem!i dont know why i lack self confidence?i was reading somewhere the other day,that it is way important to love yourself before you love someone else.from childhood we are taught,'dont be selfish it is terrible to wish for self whereas that feeling should also be nurtured!i mean in life ive always put other before me and not thought if id like to do something for me.my friends tell me,when they are feeling low they just go out and buy a chocolate but me?id never even think of spending on myself!duffer!now see im drifting from the topic...about this writing a book.well was thinking of penning down my experience and in turn dish out some gyan!but then who would read me?arrgh!sometimes i wish my fairy god mother would sail into my life and transform me!i had almost written a post on having a new life and a make over!but abandoned it thinking that it was too narcissistic!

sometimes i think it would be so much better if i lost some oodles of weight,had high cheek bones, flowing hair and could wear those jeans that cling to your body to show off your shapely legs.would that make me desirable?would that make people realize that im alive and take notice?duh!as if that matters!they say people who care dont matter and people who matter dont care!so how does it all sum up?just shows im so unhappy with myself na?i must seem such a despo na?god!when will i grow up?i seem so unhappy and dissatisfied with everything!i think samik is far from perfect,yes i haven't given up my penchant for perfection!uf im such a moron!

i cant believe im alive and not blogging.i have nothing much to tell people.if i write i ll write about my woes and that will make me much more of the moron than i actually am.ive stopped reading people and they have stopped reading me.im alive without writing but why?i used to love doing this.. and this used to keep me alive and now?all i do is sit watch tv or study for some test of other.while others sail through life,have fun socialize but still manage to excel while i do is slog!im such a boring bitch with no life at all... probably i ll just die and no one will notice.im just another vegetable......uwaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!! i want a life! i want a makeover!

TAG

Ive stolen this tag from WANDERER... this one was too good and couldnt resist myself from taking a jive at the lesser known mortals known as men.here are the ten things i hate about men.

1.This male ego thing.just when the girl in your life brings about a significant and mind you 'positive transformation in you, making you much more civilized one of your good for nothing friend has to turn up to taunt your male ego deflating it and there goes all the hard work and hard earned achievement.drat!

2.stop scratching your crotch in public however itchy you may feel.so as a rule change your undies daily and use the thing called soap...yeww!!its really disgusting to see guys adjusting their undies and scratching their crotch in full public view!!

3.when will you people stop using walls and trenches or stray corners as peeing cubicles?its really awful to see guys peeing on the streets.they not only pollute the environment,but look so terrible doing something so private so openly and as if that wasn't enough they dont even wash their hands after they do so,so the next thing you know he is eating street food or clasping his girl friends hand.so all you girl friends first test your guy on basic civil manners and his hygiene routine to even contemplate dating him.

4.whats with the guys and their prioritizing???god!!they dont know what to do when?that is only because they cant figure which is more important and has to be done first!if they like have to sleep or meet his girl friend,he's sleep through half the date and run to meet her way after the time.guys remember the only way to impress a girl and to be in her good books is by proving you are a reliable and a nice guy,is to be on time and to show that you know how to prioritize your life.

5.agreed that most girls are daddy's pet and guys the mama's boy types but after a certain age learn to differentiate the right from wrong.if you are old enough to acquire a girl friend then grow the balls to stand up for her to your mother if your mum is giving her a hard time.internalize the fact that 'your mum can go wrong'.... and mommas boys are so uncool and so not macho types... but remember being courteous and polite to elders earn you brownie points with elders..specially with your girl friends strict dad!!

6.pretense-stop flaunting how great you are!your girl knows you inside out so no amount of you faking the cool dude attitude when you are just an MCP in disguise will impress her.she is in look out for a nice stable guy.while pretending to be something that you are not may work wonders to your ego with male friends;it can distance you from your lady love.

7.it really wonders be more expressive.it is not about saying 'i love you' all the time or 'i miss you' say 100 times a day to your girl.but a thoughtful sms or a wake up call can convey these simpler and most precious feelings across to your lady love.remember everyone can do a little more with the love thing and nothing is enough....so let the love conquer all your fears!

8.i know lying seems to be an easy solution if it can bail you out of trouble but if you tell the truth it helps you in the long term.what with the '1001 excuses to give to your girl friend' being the guidebook for most guys, it is however unfruitful because it hurt more.its far easy if you just tell your girl 'look i overslept..I'm sorry' instead of saying i met with an accident and so i got late.have the courage to clear the mess you have created.

9.changing undies and socks are a must along with regular baths,with soap and shampoo-this is probably one of the most significant things that guys feel they can do without and thus as what they think as effective damage control they almost bathe in deo and cologne only to suffocate us to death, as we politely let ourselves be tortured.

10.stop talking about girls as if they are mere sexual objects.most guys boast about their girls and their attributes and their performance with their girls to their male friends.what the guys need to learn is-that there are something very personal,you dont have to discuss your sexual life and the intimate details of your relationship with your male friends.moreover if you are in a relationship ogling at girls blatantly or not is a strict no-no. Leaching is so uncool..... respect ladies because it is a woman who brings you on this planet earth.so no amount your macho-ism can compensate for a woman's contribution to this!

now i TAG clouds because i think she ll love to take a dig at this..... this is one helluva tag...

One night @ the call centre

This is Chetan Bhagat's second novel, the first one being 'Five Point Someone' a novel based on IIT-ans but this one is a treat for all those like me who thinks this is yet another trashy novel,just good enough to read while travelling.in a weird way it made an impact on me.my friend says that Cheten Bhagat was asked about the characters of this novel and he replied that the six characters are representatives of 6 different traits in our personality.

There is Shaym Mehra, the aspiring team leader who was convinced by his colleagues and girl friend of being an under performer, then there is Priyanka his now ex girl friend who has acquired what is considered as a 'prize catch' by her mom [an ever dominating character]Vroom the automobile fanatic,Radhika who works to help her husband run the family, a prototype of an unsuspecting and loyal wife who works to please the mother-in law only to be harassed by her while her husband is busy having a fling with a younger lady.then there is military uncle,a grumpy old man who is thrown out of his son's life due to this own interfering nature.Esha is the aspiring model who has to sleep with a nerd for an assignment only to be informed that she was an inch shorter than the height required.

and what brings them together??well a call centre job that pays or their pubbing,pizza and lifestyle in Gurgoan.and why should you read it?well if it is not a good read then it will definitely boost your belief on yourself.

In winter 2004, the writer met a young girl on a night train journey.to pass the time she offered to tell a story.however,she had a condition:that he make it into his second book.he hesitated,but asked what the story was about. the girl told him it was about 6 call centre employees,set in one night when they recieved a call from GOD.

Priyam' Brthday Party

Ive always emphasized how important reunion with friends are, so it goes without saying that meeting with Sayanti and Srimoyee was not only rejuvenating but also something that I hold very dear. So after months of pining for friends and what with stringent hectic schedules making it impossible to meet up, but with the birthday invite of priyam, the fourth pillar of our friendship and reunion brought us together again.

This post is not about what a wonderful time we all had, the familiar jokes, warm hugs and heartfelt emotions that resurfaced as all four of us met yet again ‘together’. But this post is about this other friend we had lost 10 years ago to an unknown illness. Though almost a decade has passed yet the incident had had a great impact on our lives, we never quite got over it all.

Yesterday at Priyams birthday get together, we met Papri’s mom. At a glimpse we recognized her and hesitantly we went over to talk. Tears filled her eyes to see us all grown up. Probably she was reminded of the fact that had Papri been alive she too would have been at the threshold of 21 and on an en route to leaving college. Papri never really grew up, she is still probably all of 10 years old, frozen in our memories. It was very painful for us to see aunty try and combat the reality and suppressed the emotions that threatened to overpower her. What struck us that loosing her only daughter has been too big a blow for her that she has lost her balance of mind. However uncle seemed a lot more stable and faced the world like a brave heart! It was almost a sad and tearful goodbye when we left.

Priyams birthday not just brought the four bestest friends from school back together on one place but it brought us face to face with aunty and in turn it helped us heal and overcome Papri’s loss. All four of us vowed to keep in touch more frequently and not just that to make sure aunty is never neglected from now on. it was one emotional and teary affair when the past caught up with us only to leave us feeling blessed to have such long and enduring friendship.

Retrospection

I've been a little busy the last few days.actually been enjoying the peace and tranquility that i had the good fortune to experience.though there has been these times when my horizon has been clouded with an impending storm but then it got cleared away thankfully.i was reading somewhere that i should do what i desire and pursue it and success lies in this belief that i will achieve what i want to.and i let for a change possitive feelings take lead and to my wonder i saw a new morning dawn.we often whine and grumble about the unhappy times, and then when happiness comes knocking,we are too busy anticipating the next unhappy moment that we forget to enjoy the moment that is so blissful.for a change i let go of caution and let myself drown in hopeful dreams that may culminate into reality, and enjoy the bliss till it lasted.and lo!I'm at peace now and happy with myself.

I don't know what possessed me that i went for an audition for TVJ[television journalism] and miraculously i got through even to the final round but then i knew i sucked at it but in the end i did get through.it was not about winning,it was about conquering my fears and my inhibitions,which i did.the result is in me so like this other friend who got through before me, we both declined the offer.so what my eternal dream of getting a make over went down the drains.there are far more important things in life.i learnt that indeed being with friends you consider close is far more precious than winning some petty contest.

As the cool breeze ruffles my hair and the room is plunged into darkness withing nothing but moonlight to see the sleuths of objects in my room i let the lone tears seep through.the tear is not in lamentation,or in wishing 'what could have been' but in realization that time has changed it all and nothing will ever be the same and that people have indeed changed.sometimes i do let people bother me,their remarks strange chilling books or even their inconspicuous ignorant attitude but then i let my positivity wash over me.i know these people don't matter,when i walk out of JU they will remain but as memories and hopefully in life id never see them again.but then a solitary voice in my head says that it does not want to harbour memories made in sunny days which the rains had blurred and carry the carcass of dead friendships and a laments of 'what was but never will be...' the weight of memories and carcass of friends are too much carry forward, i wish this peace and tranquility that i experience now,despite so much of mayhem happening around me;may it prevail when i take a step away from JU,to leave all these people and the bittersweet memories behind,forever.

Jodha - Akbar

Ashutosh Gowarikar has surpassed himself as a director par excellence!i walked into the multiplex with mixed feelings.in Barkha Dutts "WE THE PEOPLE" i heard someone remark that it was a 3long hours of watching a man try and consummate with his wife with frustrating moments of war and other irrelevant stuff.i had read reviews that said, that the movie is good only in parts and that the costume and cinematography is brilliant others its not worth mentioning.and the great controversy was that despite having learnt at school, we are told by some unknown historian that Jodha was not Akbar's favourite wife.in fact Akbar did not have a Rajput wife name Jodha. as if this was not enough, the Rajputs banned the movie terming as inaccurate and a tarnish to their brave name.

After i watched the 3 hour plus movie, something struck me that even though the movie was lengthy i found it entertaining and engaging to the very end.i don't think anyone but Ashwariya and Hrithik could do justice to the role of protagonists in this movie.they sizzle throughout as their chemistry was just breathtaking.truly "they say it best when they say nothing at all". their eyes speak it all.it mirrors Akbar's bewilderment not knowing the Hindu customs when Jodha extends her "pujas thali" to him, her mortification and anger at being married off to a Moghal despite being a Hindu reflects in her tear filled eyes.the love that both feel are mirrored in each others eyes.its the eyes that spoke it all.both were brilliant!the cinematography was beyond comparison as the war sequence was flawless and commendable.costumes and jewellery was beautiful,music surpassed everything, A R Rehman has outdone himself and the choreography was at its best! i wonder why the Rajputs had an objection to the movie,when they were so highly praised and shown in a good light. every decade some historian crops up with a new theory of his vision of history and we are yet again forced to acknowledge it.this is a movie and a creative work, so even if a certain things have factual errors as a work of art it should be overlooked.

INDIAN'S fail to qualify

For the 8 time champions of hockey, this is indeed shameful that the indians have failed to qualify for the Beijing Olympics. a game can either be lost or won and we should sportingly accept whatever the outcome of the game.so india lost, it is not a big deal but it is the attitude towards the game by the management,the organization, the nation and last but not the least the team.

in the last 15 years Indian hockey federation [IHF] has hired 15 coaches all of whom either dropped or resigned after one tournament.with no moolah flowing in and the national feeling or our national sport dwindling the lack of interest of the organization just creased.what is shocking is the two chief-Gill and Jyothikumaran, of the IHF dont even talk to each other, it is the security personal of Gill, Suresh Sharma is the de facto boss of the IHF.

the morning newspaper carries the headline "India's National Shame", yes probably it is but for all the wrong reasons.SRK, one of the richest men in Bollywood is investing in IPL and ignoring the chak de hockey that established him as an actor of substance. we are no one to decide how he makes money or invest, but then isnt it insane to spend "704"crore ruppes on IPL where the other games are almost fading into oblivion due to lack of funds.badminton national league matches were canceled last month when lack of shuttle [i can shuttle costs 1200 rs] and a national sport is reeling from the shock of being ignored and falling a poor second to cricket. the players too are dissatisfied, despite winning the Asian Cup last year they hardly got felitication whereas the crickets winning the world T20 got lakhs as the prize money individually.the players suffer from poor self esteem and lack of confidence.

My point is not why cricket over hockey?i love cricket, i love anything to do with sports but this partial behavior on the part of the people,the organization the sports ministry is really atrocious. as a sporting nation all sports should get equal attention,funds and importance.it is unfair on the government to support just one game while the rest goes downhill.the media too instead of making holier than thou comments and focus the attention to such sports which needs aid and do something worthwhile.India should take a leaf out of their new rival on cricketing ground,yes it is the Aussies, if a survey is to be carried out,it will be seen that the Aussies are champions not just in cricket there are in top 5 of any given sport and in Australia all sports find equal importance.

International Womens Day

It is so tough to be a woman, ask any girl and she will reveal the agony of being a woman. The anguish of being groped at as if you are a public property. being leached at because you are born a woman. bear unbearable pains of menstruation for those 5 days, and what more being treated as an alien because you are undergoing what all women do, which we have no choice of having and despite having which, we lead a perfectly normal life despite pains and cramps tears us apart. as if this wasn't it gender bias in buses and trains, in work place or in college. facing male chauvinism not just from your little brother or your boy friend but ultimately every man you encounter. nurturing a child in the womb for nine months, those nine months a woman risks her figure, yes her physical beauty is important because she knows having a child will never be the same, she will now be a mother so the attention shifts, prepares to adore her baby an extension of herself and the symbol of her love;only to bear the excruciating pain of child birth to breathe live into her child.

It is SHE, a sister, a friend, a girl friend, a wife and then a mother; SHE takes on every role.SHE leaves her parents and family who has nurtured her from a girl to a woman to build her castle of dreams with her husband.it is she who constructs her family and her life with hope, care and love.it is SHE who keeps the family together. and it is HER to we salute in admiration and adoration. wishing all you ladies a very happy 'International Women's Day!!Here's to the spirit of womanhood!!cheers!

Kolkata Book Fair '08

Bengali's and book fair is almost a synonym.today i went back to my roots once again as not just the love for books but my roots took me back to the place that most Bengali's [not bongs], consider as their Mecca.

Book fair has lost the grandeur that it used to have almost a decade back.The book fair was started on a small scale in 1976 by the Calcutta Publishers' and Booksellers' Guild.It is the world's largest non-trade book fair, Asia's largest book fair and the most attended book fair in the world. It is the world's third largest annual conglomeration of books after the Frankfurt Fair and the London book fair .it was the first ever kind to be hosted in the south Asian subcontinent now Delhi takes the spotlight for being the host of an international book fair, even though Kolkata was its first pioneer. the reason why one calls the book fair is the very seat of 'Bangaliana' is because in its prime, the book fair used to be the platform where the publishers,the writers, the poets and the artists came together.likes of Sunil Gangopadhay and Satyajit Ray has graced such event. the youth are found huddled together strumming the guitar and sings songs. it is not just a seat for book lovers but the young lover birds unite too under the strong surveillance of the book worms.

The highlights of the book fair is :

• All first editions of books which are released in the fair are housed in a special release gallery.


• The Book Fair has been the annual show for Bengali little magazines since the inception of the fair. The little magazines are now housed in a special dedicated section in the fair.


• From the 1990s, the Calcutta Book Fair also has a special section for budding artists, authors, poets and painters. It is called Montmartre after the Montmartre in Paris.


• It typically has poetry recitals, and live face sketching for patrons by upcoming artists.
  The fair also has a special children's section starting from the 2000s.


• Following the devastating fire of 1997, the food stalls have also shared a common enclave.

A a child i have been initiated to the book fair by my parents but with time, somehow the bond with the book fair had somewhat weakened with time.but i was once again introduced and got acquainted not just with the book fair, in my prime but also to my roots, by none other than Samik. it was he who made me recognize and was responsible for me, to love and take pride in my culture. being convent educated somehow i never really savoured the essence of being a Bengali,i was more of a Christian then, due to my upbringing but then under Samik's guidance i learned to identify with my very culture and not just that revel in my cultural heritage.Bengali's are not just about 'macher jhol' and 'rosogolla', there is a part of us that fails to be captured on screen or in writing.a Bengali has lesser known genius that of Sukumar Ray, the father of the Oscar winner Satyajit Ray, we have Purndas Baul and Gautam Chattopadhya the father of Bengali rock band,we have a PK Ben and the ever lasting East Bengal [the Bangal's from Dhaka] and the Mohan Bagan [Bengali's from kolkata] football match, the battle of the titans, of chingri and eilish. Samik initiated me to this and now i am a proud Bengali.

A Benchmark In INDIAN Cricket!!!

India beat their current favourite enemy the so called world champions, Australia, to sweep the tri series 2-0. as quoted by Saurav Ganguly, the victory is even more sweet because we beat the so called champions at a game they best knew and that to in their soil.beating Australia on their home turf is no mean feat!"

in 1995, Australia beat West Indies ended an era and began a historical other. it took a cocky young brigade to cut the champions to size and point out that's everything in the world is transient that the aura of the invincible Aussies have now come to fade, being faced by young and more aggressive challenger.

Praveen Kmar took 4 crucial wicket to be declared the man of the match,while Ifan Khan leaked runs but took 2 ital wickets in the dramatic last over and Sachin contributed with his bat, though he fell short of another ton and was out at 91. Sachin is now NO.1 ODI batsman dethroning none other than the losing captain Ricky Ponting!

indeed it cant get better than this!

In hope of that golden dawn

Life has started to look a whole scary now.what with march already here,that leaves us just 9 months for entrance exam preparation. now just that i hardly finish the materials on the month when the next set puts up an appearance.phew! class internals and then extra study material and doing chores.life is a lot hectic. maybe lucky are those who spend time idling playing pranks and spending each idyllic afternoon amidst laughter and fun!no i am not envious! though i wouldn't mind relaxing for sometime, but then i have a higher aim to fulfill;fun, frolic and laughter can come later!

i will be applying for 18 departments in over 10 colleges/universities all over India in 2008-09 entrances.i have no clue as to what awaits me but the hope of achieving my dreams keeps makes even this struggle seem worth it. its the rush of adrenalin and drive to slog now for rich dividends that makes me even forget the other hardships that i face.it is all worth it.this college, these so called classmates and the animosity is all transient, one day when i walk out of JU none one these will remain, it will all become a part of memory which time will ruin and like a dream in no time it will fade into oblivion. the good times will just be the reminiscence of happier times and nothing but that!

the dream of studying what i want and doing what i love is my sole motivation now.everything else is trivial and inconsequential!in hope of that golden dawn i move ahead with my head held high as dreams adorn my eyes!

We humans are strange we do whatever we can to fulfill our needs, after all like Darwin had said, it is the struggle for survival and the fittest survives. i agree and accept the theory but then adopting fair or foul means to do so, to me seems extremely degrading, specially if it entails taking advantage of someone.

A wrong doing is wrong,and so is suffering the wrong doing.i have been used conveniently, even though i am no stalwart in academics just plain hardworking, in every possible way only to discard me later. since i was particularly fond of this one 'so called friend' each time i voluntarily let him use me to suit his purpose. but then something snapped within me, after months of being ignored, the day before exam the call comes to explain the contents of the next days exam, i did. despite being told weeks back of the upcoming exam no one bothered, classes as usual were not attended and instead of studying even at 12Th hour people choose to cheat, and when the question proved too tough and the cheating material insufficient then i became the soft target and i allowed such a practice.

It was only after the exam, i realized how this bloke used me.all year i am ignored and not even spoken to [not that i care anyway] but then minutes before the exam ambrosia flowed and i melted but realization soon came to the rescue and i put my foot down not to be involved in any such practices anymore. i did what i thought was right, i rebelled. i don't know what will be the repercussions that will now follow but then what are those friends for who use you in their time of need and otherwise hardly bother about your existence.its better to have less friends than have a crowd of so called friends who don't even deserve to be called a "friend".

Bad Habits!

I have been on my observing spree again and much to the irritation of firefly, who thins I am observing girls[:P] and guys as well[the green eyed monster does put up an appearance just then]I have been actually scrutinizing those around me, observing people, being my favorite pastime and what I found this time was horrendous.

Health and hygiene is such an integral part of our existence. I wonder how people exist without taking a bath, if not soap then just water, at least that can be obtained in abundance! Those who reside in PG's and messes are not just the people who subscribe to such a practice; even residents of the city too sparingly take a take a bath. God! Please have mercy on those who have to bear the atrocious odor emitting from your body, it is sheer politeness that stops us from gifting you with soap and deo's. arrrggghhh!

I wonder if people know the simple etiquettes of just covering their mouth while sneezing or using a hanky for that matter, or saying 'excuse me'. Yesterday i just managed to avoid being rained by a man suffering from flu who has forgotten to cover his mouth while sneezing. This not only is unhygienic it spreads the virus to the other person too...yew!! If this was not enough.. People split anywhere they want; despite having ample dustbins everywhere they choose to drop paper and plastic packets everywhere. Moreover after smoking for safety reasons they merrily ignore stubbing the cigarette ends. Phew!

In buses or in the streets, one of the greatest bad habits that men have is staring at a girl's cleavage [even if she is not baring it all and she is decently dressed]imagine the gall of the mean, despite getting hard glares back from the girl, the men shameless as they are refuse to avert their eyes, girls too at times are responsible for what they bring on them but then there are times, when even if properly dressed men insolently stare. Leaching comes easy to men and so does passing snide and extremely impertinent remarks about women.

one of the greatest bad habits of all times undoubtedly men not just peeing on the roads but scratching and adjusting their crotch in full view of people around!! Yuck!!! Government have made public loo’s and there is a word called privacy why gross people out by settling your underwear in front of them. Trust me! No one wants to see you do it and it really makes them feel pukish. Just imagine guys talking to friends or on the road walking have one hand on their crotch to the horror of the bystanders, how gross is that? Moreover, whenever the natures call arrives a right turn follows and the wall right next to him is sprinkled. Has anyone taught them etiquettes?

for all those who walk on the streets without a care in the world have mercy on those who are totally disgusted and thoroughly repelled by your antics, society maybe be a concrete jungle but we still have decorum and codes of conduct, kindly follow them.

P.S- this is not meant to target any specific group of people but to raise a protest to such bad habits which consciously people should try and get over!