This N That

I came across this picture in a couple of blogs I was reading today and found it perfectly goes with the current mood that I am in.

Of late I am consumed with this feeling that used to persist in the early days of blogging. I wanted to, I did and I just could stop: Blogging. And I am back. I donot have something very significant to share, no poems, no gyan and no fiction. Just a thought. I began this year with vowing to break away and have a fresh start and finally I took a step towards future. I booked my tickets for going home (Bangalore). I know the journey will be beset with a lot of heartburn, pain and anguish and it will never agree with what I always believed, that I can never walk away from people I love. But I need to do this, and this one is for me, for my future and for me to have the life I deserve to have. Selfish as I may sound but for the first time in my life I am doing something that I really want to. Hope this is for the best!

Have you had random people, people you donot even know making you smile and brightening your day?? Well something just happened. I had a very busy and active day on Twitter. I had people mentioning me, talking, DMing me, adding me to groups, retweeting and I truly and completely felt alive and happy but more than which I let off a silent prayer. I am thankful for all of the activity that took place around. I felt loved and worthwhile and it was truly something!! And after a long time i believe I smiled, truly from my heart.


Okay so this post is not really going my way and its suddenly going off track. Ohh by the way did I tell you I am reading "The Immortals of Meluha" by Amish Tripathi and I have also purchased his second book, "The Secret of the Nagas". It really is interesting and well Shiva is hawwtt and what more he speaks like "Say yes dammit!" Really entertaining! But there is a story behind this book. I wanted to gift something to this friend for Christmas, but I was too pissed. But then when I received a box of chocolates as gift, I knew Id have to return the favour. You know izzat ka sawal hai and all that! So I went and got my friend "Immortals of Meluha" hoping to read it myself and I did just that and something more. I borrowed the book right back within a few days. It was like ek dheel se do nishana types!! I literally chuckled at my smartness!! After all, everyone has been recommending the book and I still hadn't read it. My friend obviously passed a snide remark that I am reading the book without consent but who cares, I surely didn't but then it happened. Due to my own carelessness I managed to spill coffee on the very book which was a gift from me. Now what? Thankfully Flipkart came to my rescue, got the same book at a discounted price and got its sequel too. So now I have a copy of my own, albiet with tea stains. And that's how I salvaged my izzat (what was remaining that is!) I think I should also make a resolution of being less clumsy this year.. what do you think? Ohh by the way, did I tell you that I had managed to almost burn my house down? O.. I just woke up one morning very sleepy, so I just went and switched on the water heater. After sometime i woke up to find fire and smoke. Even though I had switched on the heater I had forgotten to put it in the water, so the rug on which it was kept, caught fire!! YES I Know!! How careless can I be?! Yes this careless!! Really I think its time to take that oath and end this clumsiness or at least curb it?

Hope you are having a good week?

Sleepless..

Its just one of those days when sleep evades me and there is a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach.. churning it so bad that i feel like puking... maybe i am upset.. maybe i am just sad... maybe i am just PMSing but something is not right..

Nostalgia was a constant companion today.. memories from different phases of my life resurfaced and i was struck by the lightening speed with which time is passing by... I can still vividly remember my childhood days, playing cricket with friends on the streets, shorts, tees and skirts were the order of the day. Worries meant homework, happiness meant summer holidays, reward meant an ice cream and fun meant playing with friends..life is whole lot different now somehow. Its hard to just say things without having the fear of being misinterpreted, actions are judged on parameters of morality and acceptance and emotions are often misconstrued as indifference. There are so many veils people wear, so many different masks that it gets difficult to recognize people... As we grow older our mind gets accustomed to the people around us, ego sits in, and even the strongest of bonds between two people breaks. Nothing really surprises me anymore and i wonder if that is a good thing.. isnt it a good thing if you get upset if your friend of 18 years refuses to talk to you? isnt it right if you cry after a fight with loved one? shouldnt it matter if your entire life is falling apart right in front of you? To me somehow all this has stopped making sense...Guess sometimes life gets the better of you and you can do nothing but go with the flow... I am in one such phase..

Anyway gloom breeds more of its like if given time... so i ll end this one right here, really random post I know...sometimes bouts of insanity makes you feel a lot saner... Hope you guys are doing good? Promise will read and comment on your blogs first thing from office.. Btw this was my 650th post! :) yay me...Goodnight people.. time to hit the bed...

Tragedy of Life

Often when we lie we lose our credibility,
So when we actually tell the truth
no-one believes it!

P.S-I had meant the previous post to be funny and sarcy but apparently it came out as a bitter post. truly not what i had intended. apologies...

This N That

I'm back to Bangalore. Came back yesterday. no matter how much i reasoned with myself i could hardly control the tears that rolled down as the flight took the runway. i made an utter fool of myself as the Steward [ a real hunk!] stopped during the security demonstration to peer closely at me and i squeezed my eyes shut firmly as if to block him out. maybe that's why he was more courteous to me while serving my coffee! :P

it was so tough getting back to hostel. i just wanted to cry like a 10 year old, that i wanted to go back home. with a heavy heart and throbbing head i set forward unpacking. god! hated it all! but the best part of it was my friend dropped in and told me those magical words and i couldn't help but smile "125 more days to go home.. Cheer up!" mom and dad had packed me sandwiches and pastries for the journey which i had in my break today.. and felt heavenly.. everything i do.. the craving for home in my heart never ceases...

on college front, tons has been happening.. i missed out 2 tests yesterday..and 3 more to take tomorrow...yes that means i should be studying now and I'm blogging..trust me there is no guilt but sinful pleasure. jokes apart, this time i have promised i ll take interest and enjoy what I'm doing, i didn't do that before..work wasn't as good as it should be.. and yes no more negative attitude this time for sure! :) will make the most of these 125 days.. make that 124 tomorrow morning! :) :D

O yea i miss Samik.. i know i should not given the current circumstance...the feeling never leaves me.. i wish he had tried... he proved me how it was so worth it..things would have been so different.. so fulfilling..if only.. sigh! :|

Home sick... yea to say the least but have much to do... test tomorrow...just dropped in to say hi! :)
tadaaaaa

did i tell you Journo Schools drive you to your grave?.. okay gotta really go.. :)

Mundane World

I have been away from this space.. and this time it was deliberate and well thought out. i don't want to convert this space into a place where i whine, and bring all the negative energies of the mundane life here. this space is too precious for that.

there is so much to tell, i don't know where to begin. my last post was on my "mid sem review' so a follow up on that is, in 20 days following that i had another review and the change was phenomenal..i got commended on my reporting too on next beat reporting following my review..story ideas too fetched me marks.. and guess what? my stories too was taken for the bulletin at a time i felt extremely low about myself and my performance. it does make me feel good because after the review, no matter how brave a front i had put up, it had shaken my confidence and i was very reluctant to do anything. moreover devoting every waking hour to studies and giving myself time to do assignments, forgiving myself for things i couldn't do, really helped... sorry i didn't mean to brag, but its just that i feel good about myself that too in a long time.

"“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”

i came to understand the value of friends in a world of competition, a world that means only business. disillusioned? no.. just a lot more mature.. this is not the first time this has happened so this time there were no reactions. in this leg of the journey of life i learned so many different things not just about people but about me. i combated my fear of loneliness. i was always apprehensive to go shopping alone or do things on my own, but now i do everything on my own. i don't depend on other for anything. i forgive those who are mean to me, purely because they don't posses the intellect or the education to know right from wrong, and forgiving people helps clean your heart and lets them burn in agony why is it that despite harming me, i fail to react. i thank this prof in college who actually taught me this, I'm grateful for that. she taught me something really valuable and i will carry it forward wherever i go..

Last few weeks has been a terrible nightmare to me.. i was sinking into pits of despair... thoughts of quitting was rampant on my mind... i just wanted to run away.. no one understood me.. all those i held close were away and others gave me a tough time.. work work and some more work drained the last drop of energy in me..exhaustion and depression made me even to think coherently...somewhere came the hope the will to see this through... i wanted to see, to test myself how much more i could endure this.. and now it feels a lot better. i know despite the terrible circumstances i know this will work out.. and no matter what people say or do, i will see this through to the end... because Winners never Quit and Quitters never Win

On personal front there is nothing great to talk about.. my parents have been extremely supporting and thoughtful in this last few weeks, i have come much closer to them, earlier i would never disclose the details of the things that go on in my life pertaining to college, but now i do and they have been a constant source of courage and inspiration to me .. for which i am extremely grateful.. where on one hand i was coming closer to loved ones... there was someone who complicated things by choosing not to understand me instead was being immature. patience is a virtue i had never possessed but i cultivated it... but its like fighting a loosing battle to reason to someone who refuses to see light no matter what and who will not support me but make matters difficult. i have no tolerance for such people even if they are close to me...sad but the extreme conditions on which i am surviving, there comes a time when patience and tolerance succumbs ...

On different thoughts... i have been reading a particular blog and i was so hooked that i went back read back the posts... and somewhere it calmed me down... its beautifully and truthfully written.. the reason why i kept reading was because it reinstated that emotions are there even in this mundane world... and the person who writes it A.G [yes i remember your name.. Mr Hopeless Romantic..] has now become someone i look forward to talking too even if for those brief chat sessions amidst work [both his and mine] with him i really talk endlessly, and i realized how much i love talking but here i hardly talk my heart out.. here i listen because people have so much to talk that they don't realize the person they are talking to may want to contribute too... i love talking to him.. laughing too... i miss these days .. i used to have a life online...Mayank Anwesa Harshi Leo Richa Nikhi Ne .. god! i have been so into work that i have lost those conversations.. those hours i would go chapper chapper all the time.. :) thank god i made some enduring friends here at bloggerville... who support me even if i am not around as much.. they understand... Nikhil never complains if i don't take his call because he knows im busy, he is patient and forever understanding.. i stay in Bangalore yet i don't meet Vinu but i extract a lot of information from him but he never complains... i wonder why? i must have done something good to deserve such friends for i know for a fact that such people in "real" life is extinct ....

Did i mention i went to Pavagada in Tumkur district for a Taluk visit? well the trip was beautiful.. people were great.. i haven't got so much warmth from strangers.. they gave us whatever they could offer to make us feel loved and welcomed.. it meant so much.. what really tugged at my conscience was these people looked at us with hope and expectation, willing us to help them change their abominable situation but there was hardly anything we could do... i tried doing my bit by blogging about the Fluorosis in Pavagada in my journalistic blog...check it out if you wish...click here

God has been really kind.. because a few of the troubles that has been clouding my life has partially moved to allow a ray of light to enter my life and that is something I'm grateful for...

So this is about everything that has been happening in my life... I'm sure i must have bored you to death... but once i began i couldn't stop myself.. until i write i don't know just how much i miss my blog...

i hope you all are well? wassup at your end? do keep me posted...

lots of love
~Phoenix~

P.S- do overlook my typos.. haven't got the time to proof read... :P :) sorry!!

Masked

i see them putting up a facade
i see their fangs behind their smiles
their words can kill,
and stares can pierce.
they are there, everywhere,
in every walk of life.
hooded and dark
slipping in and out of shadows
they will intrude your mind
rape your thoughts
push you deeper into the dreary depths of nothingness
they will extract your everything
they will violate your very being.

Happy and Smiling again!

I haven't been in too good a mood of late. probably i have pissed off many by not taking calls or replying to the Ims and sms's. i have been unable to blog, there was no interest and no desire to do so. i have missed many post of yours which i should have read and commented, while some of you who have been extremely understanding and kind to me regarding the same, some have come up and demanded why i haven't replied to the comments or visited their blogs. to the latter i just have something to clarify, there are times i read but i am unable to comment, but basically i blog because i want to, and that it is a source of pleasure for me, i don't want to reduce it to a liability, where i feel obligated to comment just because someone has commented, i will do it because i want to not because i have to. so if i haven't been up to your expectation,i am sorry but i am what i am.

Anyway moving on... as of now i am feeling a whole lot better, in kinda good mood you can say. finally right now its raining, i mean the proper hours long rain that washes away the dust and clearing the humidity that made life so impossible for us.this is the first monsoon showers of the season.it pretty late but nonetheless here... so that's surely a breather. but i wanted to enjoy my beloved rains here before moving on. and thank god my wish was granted!did i tell you i absolutely love the rains??!! i simply loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorve the rains!! :D :)

On other happy events. very recently most of my friends from school met up and we had a whale of a time together, some of whom i was meeting after 5 long years. you can imagine 11 ladies seated at a corner at one of Kolkata's finest restaurants in a well known mall for a buffet; chattering, giggling, clicking pictures away to glory and having a ball. everyone was like super happy and excited to be back and it was one happy reunion! thankfully i met up all these beautiful people before i left or else id be missing on a lot, since i don't think i will be around for the later reunions. what i absolutely loved was the fact, that despite meeting up after 5 years it didn't seem as if we hadst been out of touch at all. and there was never a dull or awkward moment, smiles and giggles ruled the whole outing and it was one happening event to be in.

As the days are rolling by and time to leave comes nearer the fear and apprehension is making me all the more anxious and nervous but I'm trying my best to not make it more difficult for me and take things as they come.. and if you have friends like Nikhil and Anwesa who keep reminding you of the number of days left... god u can imagine... I'm ready to tear my hair out! :) :P Sorry to all you lovely people who has had to read my rants about my insecurities and leaving home blues.. sorry to have bored you to death but i will try and not whine and make it all worthwhile and if indeed i fail to keep my word please be patient as this is one of the most rough and harsh phase of my life... i will bounce back with my chirpy ways...

And o yeah... there is this one deed that makes me a lot happier and relived these days... there has been something that had made me all cold and unapproachable and this was because i have been angry and bitter... but i have learnt to let go and do what i want.. even if it means contradicting myself and at the cost of appearing confused to many... i will maintain what i had realized for myself... that i will preserve my individuality and strength of character no matter what...but at the same time... i will do things which i feel like doing... for i am answerable to no-one but myself. this makes me happy and i am happy to be loved and to love. it makes my plight a lot lesser and my heart a lot lighter... and makes me one happy girl!

Happy Rains to all you lovely people.... and ya in case you are interested in reading the guest post i wrote for NE aka Nehya...and here is one i did for Vinay aka Leo too...just click on the names.. :).. cya around!!

Wake UP!!

Of late i am meeting all weird people who are just frustrated in life and it really unnerves me to see such people around, who are pessimistic and totally selfish about their woes and plights.

such people are not only make their lives a whole lot difficult but they channelize their negativity to others life too... Wake up people! there is more to life than wallowing in your pain and anguish.

this man complains, that he has stayed away from home, he missed home and the pujas etc. what he fails to acknowledge that at a time of recession he has a job, however less paying it may be, he supports himself and doesn't have to beg to his parents for money. instead of valuing what he has in his present he is running after what he has missed out. men are never happy with their lives.

this person tells me, "god you are leaving in July, your birthday is in September and so is the pujas..so far away from home wont you just perish just thinking how far away from home and loved ones you are?" I wanted to say "Hello uncle you don't really think i will think like you na?!" yea i will feel lost and cut off, the celebrations will be on in my hometown and id be there in a land where i wont even get to hear the drums or see the goddess let alone offer pujas, but hey i get to study my dream subject and i get to be what i want at the end of it right? then what is the hassle?

why are people never happy about life? why cant they just look for happiness in a given situation. why do we tend to look at the bad and never appreciate what is good? have we become cynics or misanthropes?

Hmmph!!

What is it with people huh? they insult and humiliate you, then they act haughty and act as if nothing has happened and you are overreacting. then as soon as they see the tide changing they assume a new form and act all coy and nice. they disregard you otherwise but when it comes to them they expect you to regard them as a normal step to normalcy! ludicrous isn't it?

Why aren't we, what we want others to be, with us?

Banish Fakes, Hypocrites and Lairs from the civilized society!!

OH NOOOOOOOOO!!!

YOU guys are just so bad!!!

no no don't glare at me!!

you guys really are...

all you people said "my god kitna blog karti hai"

and see now... i cant write a word!

NOT A WORD!!! damn!!!

I want to write, i wrote half a post but i deleted it because i cant find words! god!

Its all YOUR FAULT!!

P.S- there is one bad news... Nikhil aka Multimenon.. well his blog was deleted by his brother.. and this makes me soo soo sad :( and that too when he was about to finish his 100th post. *HUGS* Nikhil 

This N That

How important are your values and principals??

What if you had to take a pick between the one you love and your princiapls what would you choose?

I hate to say this but i think i just suffered a major writers block. i can give tons of excuses like, i am really pressed up with time [i really have] or that i am too busy to think of a post [ i have been busy before but i have always posted] or for the fact i feel a lot fatigued and drained these days; but to me too it sounds lame. even Anwesa's life saving act [read:the interview] couldn't pull me out and make me write. its all a little too complicated on my end and i can barely breathe..

2ND of June was samik's birthday and incidentally our 4 year anniversary too. i had a beautiful morning, i was yanked from my sleeping stupor to received "the thing" that had come for me. nothing making sense, my eyes hardly open, i managed to scribble my name as i slumped on the sofa only to be bombarded by a series of questions as to who sent me a huge bouquet of pink roses and orchids. Dad even went on to say how my secret admirer was thoughtful as he ushered my birthday 3 month in advance, if this wasn't enough mom let the cat out of the bag saying how come on Samik's birthday i get flowers sent by him?!! :P no really it was hilarious and very embarrassing.. but nonetheless a thoughtful gesture which i absolutely appreciated... the whole event was a dream come true and the flowers were totally out of the world! :)

Since i have just about a month and half okay 41 days to be precise, to leave now the whole house is swinging into action.. meri ma sach mein meri maa nikli...she brought out this huge list [read that went on to be about 4 pages] of the things i need to buy and the stuff i need to take. in fact right now i bailed out sometime for myself to blog, because i was feeling so bad for neglecting my bloggie for so long.. and really i meant what i had said i am going to blog even in Bangalore and there is no two ways about it... 

i have been talking to this new friend of mine her name is Vaidehi, she got through my college [okay calling JU my college for so many years, and now referring to IIJNM as college is so weird i tell you... :) ] and we both have decided to be roomies. thankfully to the delight of both of us, we have discovered similar tastes and likings, we are a lot alike in the kind of person we are... and it looks like i am going to have a good time there.. she seems nice and affectionate and i am really having a good time getting to know her.. hopefully someday i will get to splash pictures of her on my blog once we become good friends. she is now one of the reasons why i am looking forward to my new college.

its the beginning to an end... and everything seems to be taking me a step closer to leaving home, it is a scary feeling but then i am a lot excited too, though i fear tears and heart burn wont be far off but i am so eager to test the waters myself. i have managed to pack all my graduation books and xeroxes into two massive boxes and another box contains all my memories of slam book, scribbled tees,movie tickets etc, these were the toughest to pack. i was almost in tears thinking of packing all this away to clear my room to make space. some day i have to leave my Brad Pitt [my pc] too and then he will be possessed by Roshni or mom, the only consolation will be that my emails and chats will be view through Brad..sigh!! god I'm getting all weepy and senti here :)

god can u believe it i get almost everything new! from hair clips to undies.. from books and copies to equipments.. god! i feel so important and like a Queen. imagine the shopping expeditions, the phase1 starts today!! :) accha that reminds me i am getting a new phone and an ipod too... now i need help..im looking at nokia 5130 Xpress music [click the link] and i was wondering if at all i should do for Ipod or ditch it for an Mp4 player..see the logic is.. for ipod u need to download itunes, i wonder if i will be able to do that in college computers, moreover with the same amount i get a 2GB MP4 player.. since i am not big gadget expert if you guys have any idea...kindly shed some light :) funny how talks of shopping always perks you up na?? :) 

btw in case you are interested i wrote Yams a guest post... if you wish you can view it here.

I'm so in vogue these days i tell you that people invite me to their blogs to write posts.. first it was yams and then it was Mayank and the list just goes on and on. jokes apart! :) i am really honoured to write all the words but this zalim writers block..at times like this all i can say is Thank you God for gifting me Anwesa.. [you know what i mean now don't you my bind?! :P]

Phew!! this really is a long long post!! god u guys must be bored to death.. so sorry haan bura mat mana..bas aisai suddenly you know under ki bhadas nikal hi ayaa... :)

chalo i am off for now... next time will try to come back with a better post..till then you guys smile and take care... mwuaaaaaaaaaah!! :)

P.S- if you find any hot guys send him this way please! :)

why is it that i cant belive a word that you say...

your promises seem fake,

the emotions make belief

and the assurances all hollow??

has the pain and anguish that i have been through, made me immune to you?

or have i just fallen out of love?

Insecurities

Insecurity is one of those negative feelings that comes to us when we feel threatened or the fear of losing someone gets to us. we have all faced insecurity some point of time in life. and we all know even though having an insecurity is not exactly a good thing we understand why it happens. most often the one who is in no way responsible for arousing such feels loses out on a good friendship just because another person has insecurities about him/her, sometimes the reasons for such insecurity is not valid at all.

The reason i am writing about this is because not only have i been infected by insecurity but i have also been affected by it too at some point in my life. and here is what i feel. sometimes insecurities are justified and sometimes not.. I'm sure many think what do you mean by justified.. what i simply mean is...sometimes we do things that purposely sets off the other person... but then there are times our respective others/close friends feel all insecure about a few other friends or a friend for no reason. there is a catch, most of my friends claim that they have been victimised where they lost out on a friend because their bf/gf has had a problem with him/her. in someway we are all the butt of insecurities whether we ourselves harbour it or we are subjected to it.. 

Now what do you do if you respective other is insecure about a particular friend. what do you do? give up your friend for your boy friend/ girl friend ?? what is your take on insecurities?

P.S- answering the questions is a must... and my answer will be posted as a comment..

I wish i could just lie in a corner

waiting for death to come to me.

I wish i could cry my eyes out

and yell till the pain in me subsides.

I wish i could question god

"why me?"

I wish i could write my own destiny

and paint a pretty picture.

I wish i could just wake up one morning

to feel nothing anymore

I wish someday my memory fails me

and i dont remember any thing anymore.

I wish... how i wish...

Fleeting Emotions...

The past two weeks have been really rough on me... with hordes of entrances... and semesters knocking at my door.. i have hardly slept for 10 hours in the last 72 hours.. i didnt have the time to even breath let alone to heave a sigh....yea i know you couldn't guess with the regular flow of posts and all.. :) but that's how i am.. i blog like crazy when all i should be doing is study.. like i should now.. ya i have one more test to go.. that is tomorrow :) now now don't get angry... i will make it all in good time..trust me...blogging is therapeutic for me...yes i have an accute case 'blog-o-mania" :)

As i type this I'm caressed by the cool breeze that whisper of the storm that is soon to follow...i feel a lot empty inside...my niece has gone back home or the next few days to be with her parents and here i am feeling a lot lost.. i don't know which one is better..cribbing that she practically sleeps all over me ensuring that i have a eventful night battling her kicks and snuggles.. or miss the warmest of hugs i get before i finally succumb to sleep.. since she came to live with me with measles life is no longer the same...my room has been taken over..even my cupboards captured but strangely today almost 4 months to the date..i feel so accomplished and so peaceful.. because with her mere presence Roshni [my niece] just calms me down and fills colour to my life... inventing a new name everyday, or scurrying home, or surprising her with little somethings every time i return home, to those delightful melting moments when delighted by the money i give her she runs to the shop near by for her favourite ice-cream to those sneaky chocolate sessions... these now seems such an integral part of my life.. i wonder what i am to do if i am to leave the city.. or how she is going to survive once i am gone.. :) kids are such  darlings i tell you.. to have such darlings I'm ready to overcome my phobia about giving birth it really is worth it...

ICSE results were declared today and my student fared really well and i feel so proud of her. We started of being teacher and student but at the end of an year I'm her mentor and then her friend. Knowing the mental conditions she was going through from almost every quarter of life, its a miracle she did so well.. and i am one happy teacher.. it feels great finally to see something you gave life to become successful it is one hell of a accomplished feeling... Congratulations Sushmita!! here's to newer shores and broader horizons!! Cheers!! :)

I have been having pretty harrowing time.. with a range of emotions changing with rapid succession.. fear, anger,depression,hope,anger, happiness and despair and hope again..not it is not just PMS but life for sure...i feel i have aged manifold in the month..i could have broken down in despair and given up the fight but i choose not to, i took risks.. i did whatever i could to nurse my dream and see it to completion... the rest.. is on God and what he wants to fashion my life...but whatever it is.. i am ready...i am ready to give it my best, to dare to dream, to achieve and face the verdict whatever it maybe... 

After more than a year of despair... there is a glimmer of hope...prayers maybe answered..labour may just be rewarded... *keeping my finger crossed*  may peace and prosperity be restored, may the good times come, and are here to stay..

the storm clouds seems to have been blown away... literally soo.. :( so this is to be a rain-less night! sigh! damn! yes now i must get back to my books... tadaaa :)

Naked Thoughts

I have been plagued by this thought and i just cant help but ask you guys something... 

Does being in a relationship make it mandatory for a

 girl to comply to the advances of her guy,

even if she doesnt not want it, or is not in a mood for it?

Does the girl have a right/ choice to refuse the guy??

And if the guy forces himself on the girl 

[that is if she doesnt want it and he goes ahead]

can a girl term it as molestation?

Now a little personal question.. its ok if you choose not to answer but if you can i will really be obliged.

Is feelings important in an intimate situation? 

or its ok if he/she has feelings.. if they dont then just go ahead and enjoy the moment

Disclaimer: the author does not wish to generalize.. she is just curious... :)

Just for laughs!

These are just something i found in my mail... and i wanted to share them... :)

NOW i know why Samik never wins an argument. Its not you.. its got to do with your gender pal!

Watch and learn!!

click to enlarge

The Heat wave has been upped in Kolkata... its 43 degrees... the hottest in almost 59 years... its  even more harsh with the humidity at 90% and the MET doesn't forecast any rains in the near future..damn! i feel like the ice creams i have..who melt even before i open their packs...its atrocious and to add to it the LOO...na silly not bathroom the breeze wala loo...chee chee what not you guys think... :D

The entrance went... so so... i had always prided myself in scoring the highest in English language but boy i had never imagined the entrance language portion could be this tough..not tough but then wasn't a cake walk either... and can you beat it i couldn't remember a few of the very common words like the writing on the tomb that is called epitome... or the fact that walking aimlessly was loitering and i remember all this after the exams!!damn!! if the language portion was like this then i had no idea about the General knowledge segment... I'm really grateful to whoever invented 'inkie pinkie ponkie' it really helped in deciding the multiple choice answers!! now really I'm not joking! and guess what there were maths portion too..and guess what?i didn't freak out! and moreover i got them right!yahoo... can you guess how many GK questions we had??...okay i ll tell you 105 yeah you read it right...i soooooo wish i make it to the next level...please please god let me get through this then i wont ask for anything..ever!! i swear!! 

Yes this is pretty much how I'm feeling at the moment!!

Today i celebrate Liberation Day!!with Samik away on a family wedding, for once i get to spend an entire day being on my own, no dressing up to go out, just being home, in my comfy home clothes [specially with this heat] with just me and the books. hurray!!

P.S: sometime away from the respective other is therapeutic!! yo!

A Lil bit of everything

Brace yourselves guys this is a really random post... :)

i have hardly a clue what i am writing now.. no i haven't lost it.. yet. but its just that i broke my glasses, and it took a really long time to get it fixed. so im virtually blind right now, my glasses come only tomorrow or day after tomorrow, so that means i can bunk studies some more.. :)





No i'm not celebrating summers here. its just that the heat here in Kolkata has become a record of sorts. its at 41.5 degrees with a humidity of 98% with no signs of rain. the Met too doesn't even make their usual fake promises of rain, which could however have pacified us. with loo blowing, and sweat making skin sticky and wet, its a terrible situation. i just hope the rains come soon, for without the respite surviving this heat will be tough, as already 5 people have died.

I have been hooked to watching Mtv Roadies and this time it was a nail biting finish. and by far the best in roadies. okay don't cringe because its a reality show and all that. not all are bad. yea roadies may seem like a show for wannabes and with Palak you cant really blame people for berating the show; but however there are the lines of Nauman and Kiri who show their true worth. the best part of the finale was,Kiri choose someone equal to fight instead of a weak contender [with a lot of brainstorming by Raghu and Rajiv] the task that both had to do in the finale was really exhilarating and i was in the edge of my seat. its a task that could be performed only on the basis of cheer passion and will to win. and Nauman did just that. he slipped and fell twice, he was cheered by only a few, he could have given up but he tried and Kiri put up a worthy fight but when Nauman lifted the flag and then collapsed having won the battle, i realized something for myself. if you have the passion in you, and the will to succeed, nothing ever is a hindrance, is not really abut winning, but its about the passion with which you do it, and the satisfaction you receive when you know you have done your best.


I think im destined to be a mom much before i actually give birth to my offspring, first my niece and then Samik. Samik has always been childish and had never portrayed any maturity but what he has been up to lately is beyond everything. he has been making really discouraging remarks about my choice of career etc, moreover he makes this insane demand of me 'taking him with me' to the college i will be taking admission. i mean this is bizarre!! here i am trying my best to make my dreams come true using what maybe my last opportunity and he chooses just this very time to be all lovey dovey and like a baby he keeps cribbing for my attention. and trust me he can be a handful. so right now I'm all smothered almost chocked with the attention im getting. and no its not as cute as it sounds, for right now i could do with some moral support and understanding than having to deal with a baby. thank god at least he is toilet trained! phew! god help me!!

this is my 496th post! yay!! look out for this space for some surprises soon... :)I'm about to take a sabbatical soon!!

Sunny side up!

Yeah my tests are still on but can you believe what is bothering me right now?? shopping... everytime my list of 'to buy' finishes the other one crops up.. damn!! well im a little tight on finance right now but then there are so many things i need to buy. and trust me this is the sole reason i cant concentrate.. why on studies of course! guilty? hell no! :D

This is the mini list of all the things i soo need to buy god help me!! :D

• tote bag
• LBD [little black dress] not it literally but there is a heavenly perfume by that name
• a face scrub.. that i so need
• little silver heart earrings that i have taken a facy to
• kurtas.. i really need some..
• sneakers or canvass shoes
• a new haircut
• couple of salwars

Phew thats a lot of shooping to do! and god! i sound soo girlie.. but what to do cant help it.. a girl has to maintain herself! grr!! :P

i've been watching MTV Roadies religiously this season like other seasons too.. and its now on its last leg.. i so hope that stupid bitch [read: Palak] gets voted out this time.. god!! but from the looks of it.. she is really lucky she gets saved each time..arrgh!! i wish Nauman wins though because Paulomi is just a make up box and nothing else..I so liked Sufi.. but tough luck he was voted out.. but then Nauman is the one im rooting for.. i hope he wins and not that ghastly Palak!! im keeping my fingers crossed though.. :) Ranviyay is getting hotter every season... i could drool over him for ages.. *sigh* ..... he is sinfully tempting...


Btw i feel a whole lot better about myself and confident too! the paranoia has somewhat subsided and i'm trying to derieve faith on myself and my capacities... i know i have just two ways in dealing with my current stress, one i can mop and let fear overpower me.. or i can come to terms with it, be confident and face it, giving my best. i choose it do the latter. and boy! it feels like heaven being in control of my life.. and thanks surely goes to this one person who has really turned me around... thanks Mayank... you have been a great friend to me.. *Hugs* :)

Did you know that sleeping is a great thing to occupy yourself with, specially when your exams are on? try it! :D :P

Guess what 6 more days to go!! for college to end!! yay!!