Mid sem Review!!

Yesterday we had mid sem reviews in college. and i got the biggest shock of my life. and i realized how true all that was spoken to me was "i needed a life" i have been too stressed about how best to get a job, how to perform great each time, how not to make mistakes, to diligently do my work; that i had forgotten to breathe to take it easy.

And that is exactly i was told among other things of course. i have this way of piling things on me. and i let the burden of responsibilities that is on me get better of me and my work suffered and it showed the stress i am putting on myself. maybe Kanchan[vise Dean] was right, i need to forgive myself, to tell myself i can make mistakes, to allow space for mistakes. yes the technical bit i need to work harder but on the whole i need to relax and take it easy without piling on.

The worse part of it all was, i had a nervous breakdown during the mid sem review, nothing could be more humiliating and embarrassing. maybe its time i have to stop being hard on myself. its time to review myself and set my priorities straight.

I'm Back...

yes finally i get to come back to the space i consider home. its been n amazing 7 guest post celebrating my 500th post! and it felt great that everyone spoke good things about me [thank god!.. nahi toh naak kat jati :P] i dont know how this idea struck me to have guest posts but i must say it yielded such rich dividends... im big on friendships but somehow i have always been unsure of what my friend feels about this virtual friendship [to me its very much real] but these posts made me realize that my feelings are reciprocated and I'm valued as much as i value them... it really helps to be reminded that you are loved and cared for... when times are tough, when despair surrounds me and i feel like quitting, i will have these wonderful posts to fall back on..

thank you Mayank, Yamini, Richa, Harshita, Nikhil, Anwesa, and  Sumit da for being so wonderfully kind and generous to me... im really touched by all the beautiful words and thoughtful gestures..... 

anyway i don't think i have thanked all my new friends... like  Seher, Kajal, Arv, Arnab, Mahesh,Amith etc who have been extremely patient and thoughtful while reading and commenting on my last few posts.....

a really tough phase in my live begins tomorrow... i have my very first entrance exams [MASCOM,Kottayam] it is the one place i really really want to get in... its a strange sensation...I'm a little nervous as to what will happen but somehow i feel ready.. maybe a huge disappointment will come my way.. but no matter what comes my way... i will fight it.. i know i will.... 

from Monday my semester begins. Tamil being the first exam.. and to be very honest i haven't a clue... its really beyond me to memorize anything...i have a bad feeling that the invigilation will be tightened and it will be next to impossible to sneak a peak near by.. whatever happens im still hopeful.. i just wish i pass or else all my hard work of the last 3 years and 5 semesters will go to the dogs! hey bhagwaan please kripa karo..

you know just when i wanted to sit back and relax with no pressing need to write posts... i felt an insatiable need to blog.. maybe its got to do with exams.. those who know me... are aware.. that just before exams i make tall promises to not blog but i end up posting almost everyday.. anyway i had tons to write during these last few days.. a few i have it saved in drafts... and others are somewhere scribbled hopefully i will be able to retrieve them.... 

even during what seemed like happy hours for me.. some people were really silly, childish and in turn hurtful too.. and there were others who took the opportunity to take potshots at me... for all those who misunderstood me... here is a clarification... i haven't said or meant any hurtful things to anyone... and i surely don't want anyone to quit blogging because of me...if you think I'm offending or hurting you..kindly clarify with me and then go on to publish stuff in my name.. 

okay i think the heat and humidity is getting to me here....my thoughts are punctuated by trickles of sweat coursing down every nook and crevices of my body..arrgh! i guess i have to take a shower! again!!

Wish me luck people! tomorrow is really a big day for me!! i need all the luck!

College is nearly over!

College these days seem so different. it amazes me to even think that this is the same place i used to hang out for hours altogether, the same people i used to have so much fun. other than khyati everyone has changed, she continues to remain her same old bubbly self always ready for some action, others are like least bothered about anything around them.

Yesterday Shreya came into class and announced that she got through MAT and will move to Bangalore in July. Rohit got through SOAS. most sat for SNAP, one got in others didn't. everyone is busy keeping updated about admission news, which form is out which is not. there is a certain lull in all the actvity. it really seems all of us are finally gearing up to take life ahead from where college will end. so it that good or bad? good in a sense because im sure happy for everyone who has life almost etched out in front of them and not so bad in the other, because a sense of deja vu gripps me.

I dont know how the last three years just whisked by. most of the time i was so engulfed in pain and misery that i must have missed out on a lot of fun. but no regrets.its just seeing the last few months of college thus slipping by, almost like a handful of sand. it makes me feel a wide array of things, fears and apprehensions for my future, nostalgic about what is today and what wont be..cautious and edgy about the people who feautre in my college memories, varing a few all are pretty worthless. so where does that leave me? i dont know... maybe hoping that i can make it to the places im aiming for and praying that i dont have to stay back here...after all for a girl sky is not all that limitless.