Happy and Smiling again!

I haven't been in too good a mood of late. probably i have pissed off many by not taking calls or replying to the Ims and sms's. i have been unable to blog, there was no interest and no desire to do so. i have missed many post of yours which i should have read and commented, while some of you who have been extremely understanding and kind to me regarding the same, some have come up and demanded why i haven't replied to the comments or visited their blogs. to the latter i just have something to clarify, there are times i read but i am unable to comment, but basically i blog because i want to, and that it is a source of pleasure for me, i don't want to reduce it to a liability, where i feel obligated to comment just because someone has commented, i will do it because i want to not because i have to. so if i haven't been up to your expectation,i am sorry but i am what i am.

Anyway moving on... as of now i am feeling a whole lot better, in kinda good mood you can say. finally right now its raining, i mean the proper hours long rain that washes away the dust and clearing the humidity that made life so impossible for us.this is the first monsoon showers of the season.it pretty late but nonetheless here... so that's surely a breather. but i wanted to enjoy my beloved rains here before moving on. and thank god my wish was granted!did i tell you i absolutely love the rains??!! i simply loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooorve the rains!! :D :)

On other happy events. very recently most of my friends from school met up and we had a whale of a time together, some of whom i was meeting after 5 long years. you can imagine 11 ladies seated at a corner at one of Kolkata's finest restaurants in a well known mall for a buffet; chattering, giggling, clicking pictures away to glory and having a ball. everyone was like super happy and excited to be back and it was one happy reunion! thankfully i met up all these beautiful people before i left or else id be missing on a lot, since i don't think i will be around for the later reunions. what i absolutely loved was the fact, that despite meeting up after 5 years it didn't seem as if we hadst been out of touch at all. and there was never a dull or awkward moment, smiles and giggles ruled the whole outing and it was one happening event to be in.

As the days are rolling by and time to leave comes nearer the fear and apprehension is making me all the more anxious and nervous but I'm trying my best to not make it more difficult for me and take things as they come.. and if you have friends like Nikhil and Anwesa who keep reminding you of the number of days left... god u can imagine... I'm ready to tear my hair out! :) :P Sorry to all you lovely people who has had to read my rants about my insecurities and leaving home blues.. sorry to have bored you to death but i will try and not whine and make it all worthwhile and if indeed i fail to keep my word please be patient as this is one of the most rough and harsh phase of my life... i will bounce back with my chirpy ways...

And o yeah... there is this one deed that makes me a lot happier and relived these days... there has been something that had made me all cold and unapproachable and this was because i have been angry and bitter... but i have learnt to let go and do what i want.. even if it means contradicting myself and at the cost of appearing confused to many... i will maintain what i had realized for myself... that i will preserve my individuality and strength of character no matter what...but at the same time... i will do things which i feel like doing... for i am answerable to no-one but myself. this makes me happy and i am happy to be loved and to love. it makes my plight a lot lesser and my heart a lot lighter... and makes me one happy girl!

Happy Rains to all you lovely people.... and ya in case you are interested in reading the guest post i wrote for NE aka Nehya...and here is one i did for Vinay aka Leo too...just click on the names.. :).. cya around!!

Its time to say Goodbye

Tears blur my vision as i type this. i cant believe he has gone without me even getting a chance to say my goodbyes. it seemed that fate was conspiring against us, first the phone wouldn't connect, when it did he was busy, then i was supposed to call him back but then it slipped my mind, when i called the call got disconnected even before i had a chance to say goodbye. Shubankar left for MASSCOM Kottatayam today to pursue his childhood dream in Journalism, without a so much as a goodbye.

i waited...waited a long time...for this pain to subside...the pain that threatens to tear me apart..my lips are pursed but the tears are tireless...i don't know what next everything gets all the more murkier...i cant believe i wont have him around anymore..he has been so integral to me and to my life.. it was as if he was always around protecting me.. guiding me around and now with him gone.. i feel as if the life is squeezed out of me..soon it will be time when i will have to say my goodbyes too..

i know with time i will get used to him not being around... i know there will come a day when not keeping in touch on a regular basis will seem usual but at the moment life seems impossible..for as i write the train takes him further away from me.. i know Richa says friends can never part unless they want to.. but then there are times when things are not in our hands.. like even after wanting to meet him real bad we both haven't managed to meet each other in more than a month...all i remember now is seeing him for the very last time a little over a month back, as i got off the bus and him waving at me promising to meet... it never happened... maybe all this is for good, for had i known it was our last meeting it would have been even more painful.

now as i think back to us i am filled with gratefulness of having met such a beautiful person who became one of my closest friend...memories flood in and i am reminded of how despite being in a huge crowd on the first day at college we managed to sneak out time together..how that day waiting to take our electives i told him about Samik.. he was the first one to know about him...how those winter afternoons we would sit huddled under the blanket studying... the winter sun playing on our toes as we sat on the ledge of the veranda as our toes touching each other...how i will miss his deep baritone voice calling out to me every morning "Man you are looking hot!" those endless hours at the library where in between study sessions we managed ample time to just irritate each other like crazy...

i don't know what future holds.. maybe we will again sometime...maybe despite wanting we will never make it... but what matters is we will always have each other in our hearts knowing what others could never know...that there is a love much greater than that which is shared by a man and woman, a love that is defined by a powerful and meaningful word called friendship. What matters now is that both of ours dreams of becoming journalist is coming true in one way or other and we must work hard to achieve it..i know it wont be easy to not be around but we will always remain safe in each others memories until we meet again... and we will... someday..

Wake UP!!

Of late i am meeting all weird people who are just frustrated in life and it really unnerves me to see such people around, who are pessimistic and totally selfish about their woes and plights.

such people are not only make their lives a whole lot difficult but they channelize their negativity to others life too... Wake up people! there is more to life than wallowing in your pain and anguish.

this man complains, that he has stayed away from home, he missed home and the pujas etc. what he fails to acknowledge that at a time of recession he has a job, however less paying it may be, he supports himself and doesn't have to beg to his parents for money. instead of valuing what he has in his present he is running after what he has missed out. men are never happy with their lives.

this person tells me, "god you are leaving in July, your birthday is in September and so is the pujas..so far away from home wont you just perish just thinking how far away from home and loved ones you are?" I wanted to say "Hello uncle you don't really think i will think like you na?!" yea i will feel lost and cut off, the celebrations will be on in my hometown and id be there in a land where i wont even get to hear the drums or see the goddess let alone offer pujas, but hey i get to study my dream subject and i get to be what i want at the end of it right? then what is the hassle?

why are people never happy about life? why cant they just look for happiness in a given situation. why do we tend to look at the bad and never appreciate what is good? have we become cynics or misanthropes?

Amar Kolkata

South City.. one of the biggest housing and mall projects in Kolkata

City centre.. one of the finest malls in kolkata

howrah bridge..

tanga ...

Nandan.. seat of bangalee culture..

Trams

Victoria memorial

Vidaysagar sethu

Its hot and humid

there are frequent strikes and bandhs

people are a lot unprofessional

no many opportunities here

there is smoke and dust everywhere

fewer malls and slower developments [than the rest]

water logs,

we have a 'Buddha' and a 'Didi'

we have tons that prove that we are yet to evolve.

But we are the people of the place

where hospitality comes first

where there are no racial or linguistic discrimination.

where recession or no

people forget their grief and come together for the pujas

where Christmas is as important as Durga pujas

Where there is always a smile despite the hardship

where the rich and the poor co-exist

where we get to be ourselves without any limitations.

Maybe this is why i love this place called Kolkata

A few days back i saw Anjan Dutta's Madly Bangalee...[which means Madly Bengali] Anjan Dutta is a very talented man who writes and directs his films, he composes and sings, he acts and and produces his work too. he movies are are all classics as it brings out the 'bangalee' culture in someway or the other... his recent flick is about a bangla rock band, comprising of these youth who give us a flavour of the youth of Kolkata who are very modern and cosmopolitan but who retain their bangaleeana... the flick was fun and worth a watch.. amazingly throughout it i was in tears for no reason at all and by the time it all ended, i realized just how much i am going to miss my Kolkata, a place i was born in, a place that made me who i am and a place that is integral to my identity.

[okay i know Amit is going to smirk at me...] but since the movie revolved around JU[that's my college] and the actors too are from my college and there were scenes of my college.. at the end of it i realized that i will surely miss my college.... only the campus and the ambiance and my profs not the people...

So all in all I'm terribly homesick and it just adds to my woes of shopping, socializing, no time and some really nagging people...

Happy Birthday Roshni

Dear Roshni,

I cant believe it has been 10 years since the day Di first lowered you into my arms. i still remember the day, hardly old enough myself, awkward i struggled to hold you right, with mom dad and everyone else instructing me what to do. i still remember how an operation of Di denied you your mother presence. it was very hard on me but i learnt. i learnt to wake up from the deepest slumber to make you the milk, i learnt to sleep light, i learnt to bathe, feed and put you to sleep and i don't regret any moment.

I may sound all ancient here... but then hell i cant believe how fast you have just grown up. it seems all a miracle to me now..

The past 5 months are my moments of bliss when i got a large chunk of quality time with you. now i cant even imagine going to bed and not hugging you tight, i cant imagine not waking up with you around. 10 years... okay this still hasn't sunk in...

'You mean the world to me.. or you are my world' is hardly enough to sum up the wealth of feelings i harbour for you.. even though i may not have been your mother... but to me you will be my baby always...

Times ahead will be tough sweetheart, maybe i wont be around... but don't mess up life based on emotions..learn to carve a niche for yourself against all odds remember in the end there will always be a reward waiting for you, for the hard work you put in.. remember that you have an aunt who has you on her mind always.. that she will be there for you always....

Here's wishing you a very happy 10Th birthday.. may you grow up to be a fine lady... and make us all very proud of you... dream high and persevere to make them your reality....

With lots of love and luck

*hugs*

Pupu

Yahoo

Have you ever loved someone knowing you will lose him?

I don't know if this will ever make sense to you, whether you will understand the gravity of what i am writing, but to me it means a lot.

Yahoo came to our house on a two day visit. He is my dad's friends pup. he is barely a month old. He was our guest for two days until he was to be taken away. knowing all we welcomed him into our heart and our lives. Repercussions of what will happen when he leaves never once entered our minds, we loved him as our own and we received him into our lives willingly. two days passed in a blink of an eye... its been around19 hours since he left... his presence is still missed... his small pranks... his running around everywhere... his sniffing and then chewing the legs of the chairs.. his bed remains untouched..rumpled as he has left it...

We miss you Yahoo.. you came for a few days and left an imprint on our mind for years to come. i know i will never have a pup at my place but the fact that you came and fulfilled my childhood dream, means much... i so hope you have a fulfilling life ahead with your new masters and new life.. while i will always treasure these borrowed moments...

55 Fiction: Time to say goodbye

She wrote their names on the wet sand,yet again..

Yet again the waves washed it away..

"Somethings in life are never meant to be... its best to let it go."

She turned to see him walk away,each step separating them.

She sighed..as lone tear slipped out. It was time to say goodbye.

P.S- this is my first attempt at 55 ficion ... im ready for brickbats and tomatoes :P :)

Awards!!

I have received a lot of awards of late but i never had the chance to put it but here it is... :)

this one is by Pulkit.. thank you so much Pulkit for the thoughtful post and beautiful words.. im really very touched... thanks a ton!!

This is lot of awards are from Vinay aka Leo.. thankie!! :D

This lot of awards are from Yams aka Yamini.. thanks a ton sweetheart for the awards!!

These awards are from Mayank!!! need i say more.. I'm sure you know I'm thrilled!!! :D

You dint think i was that bad did you? there are some awards for you too.. yes yes you all...trust me... :) go on now click HERE

Leaving Home Blues...

last night, i woke up suddenly in the middle of the night. As i lay there on my bed,darkness surrounding me i could hear a rhythmic breathing somewhere near me as an arm encircled my waist. as i wriggled the arm tightened some more. i felt contended and peaceful. this time there were no complaints, i didn't mind her nuzzling me in sleep, i didn't mind that she practically kicked me out of my bed, i didn't so much as yank back the covers which she had unceremoniously taken away from me. to me these now seemed bliss.. i guess you can call this leaving home blues.

while growing up i couldn't wait to leave home. every time i was down with some problem all i wanted to do was flee somewhere. i still do at times. but now i realize just what i am going to have to give up for that. here are the things i will absolutely miss when away from home.

~kachoris... there is this halwai [snack shop] nearby and i simply love the kachori from there.. and a jalebi to add...slurp slurp... off too good yaar i simply love it... i could have the same everyday... :)

~i didn't think i was such a fish person.. okay being a bong makes me a fish person but i wasn't before..but i have become now...imagine not having..doi [curd] rui[rohu], hilsa..omg writing this post is turning out to be a food post and it is making me all hungry... :P

~all these years of staying home, and having a room all to myself, i had tons of liberties which i am going to miss when is hostel. here when i sleep i am all prim and proper but when i wake up i am a mess, my night dress rides up, my hands and legs are all over the place. i guess now i need to be prim and proper even in my sleep with 3 other girl to share the room with :) god i need a lot of practice here...

~oooooo i will miss my bed.. the soft mattress in which i almost sink in...the comforts of the bed which makes me fall asleep instantly..sigh!

~the other day i heard the dhak [sound of drum] that are played specially during the pujas.. the very sound of it heralds the pujas..and you know its a matter of time when the whole celebrations will start..those five days ..when there is no night, then sleep flees, despite the aching feet and sore eyes; people still have the energy to walk all over the city..those early morning anjali's and the evening arati's those new clothes and shoes bites..... but this year there will be none of it...i cant even imagine waking up, knowing that it is the pujas in kolkata and not be able to savour it all... god I'm feeling homesick already...

~have you ever had boiled potatoes mashed, with a little bit of ghee and salt with rice? it tastes heavenly.. its my favourite..how I'm gonna miss it..its like my staple diet here... :(

~blogging is on my mind greatly...i know i will be able to blog..but will i like get to just use a pc whenever i feel i need to pen down some? just the thought that i will be at the mercy of college computers without my brad pitt[my pc] i am feeling lost...

~no birthdays are not special for me...bt despite all that i think i am gonna miss not being around folks on that day..the panch bhaja [5 types of fries...like brinjal,potato,cauliflower etc] and the payesh [rice custard/kheer]

i thought my mood will improve as i write but i seem to get all depressed... maybe its got to do with the fact that within a month..that is 15Th July I'm supposed to leave..and my mood has gone for a toss ever since I've had it...ok this is it.. i should end the post here..i dont want to breakdown.. i hope you guys had a great weekend....tadaaa!cya later.....

Hmmph!!

What is it with people huh? they insult and humiliate you, then they act haughty and act as if nothing has happened and you are overreacting. then as soon as they see the tide changing they assume a new form and act all coy and nice. they disregard you otherwise but when it comes to them they expect you to regard them as a normal step to normalcy! ludicrous isn't it?

Why aren't we, what we want others to be, with us?

Banish Fakes, Hypocrites and Lairs from the civilized society!!