Its time to say Goodbye

Tears blur my vision as i type this. i cant believe he has gone without me even getting a chance to say my goodbyes. it seemed that fate was conspiring against us, first the phone wouldn't connect, when it did he was busy, then i was supposed to call him back but then it slipped my mind, when i called the call got disconnected even before i had a chance to say goodbye. Shubankar left for MASSCOM Kottatayam today to pursue his childhood dream in Journalism, without a so much as a goodbye.

i waited...waited a long time...for this pain to subside...the pain that threatens to tear me apart..my lips are pursed but the tears are tireless...i don't know what next everything gets all the more murkier...i cant believe i wont have him around anymore..he has been so integral to me and to my life.. it was as if he was always around protecting me.. guiding me around and now with him gone.. i feel as if the life is squeezed out of me..soon it will be time when i will have to say my goodbyes too..

i know with time i will get used to him not being around... i know there will come a day when not keeping in touch on a regular basis will seem usual but at the moment life seems impossible..for as i write the train takes him further away from me.. i know Richa says friends can never part unless they want to.. but then there are times when things are not in our hands.. like even after wanting to meet him real bad we both haven't managed to meet each other in more than a month...all i remember now is seeing him for the very last time a little over a month back, as i got off the bus and him waving at me promising to meet... it never happened... maybe all this is for good, for had i known it was our last meeting it would have been even more painful.

now as i think back to us i am filled with gratefulness of having met such a beautiful person who became one of my closest friend...memories flood in and i am reminded of how despite being in a huge crowd on the first day at college we managed to sneak out time together..how that day waiting to take our electives i told him about Samik.. he was the first one to know about him...how those winter afternoons we would sit huddled under the blanket studying... the winter sun playing on our toes as we sat on the ledge of the veranda as our toes touching each other...how i will miss his deep baritone voice calling out to me every morning "Man you are looking hot!" those endless hours at the library where in between study sessions we managed ample time to just irritate each other like crazy...

i don't know what future holds.. maybe we will again sometime...maybe despite wanting we will never make it... but what matters is we will always have each other in our hearts knowing what others could never know...that there is a love much greater than that which is shared by a man and woman, a love that is defined by a powerful and meaningful word called friendship. What matters now is that both of ours dreams of becoming journalist is coming true in one way or other and we must work hard to achieve it..i know it wont be easy to not be around but we will always remain safe in each others memories until we meet again... and we will... someday..

Rotten Relatives!!

i hate socializing with my relatives. maybe i am a bit allergic to them or plain anti-social. but for me primarily the reason is their haughty nature and the tonality and choice of words. i don't really get into conflicts just avoid them like plague.

damn! this holidays, which i had carefully planned so that i could have "me"-time but instead I'm being forced to acknowledge that i haven't been active in the social circuits and that it is earning me negative marks [as i care!! :P] man! no matter what i do i cant seem to make some other plans and avoid it. I'm being grilled. no wonder i hate such relatives who force people away from them with their atrocious behaviour and then they bitch at their absence and snap when the person is forced to put up an appearance. damn!! damn!!

i don't know whats with these nosy people who are good for nothing and yet claim that they are relatives and demand attention!! really!! why this agitation you ask? well these are those pesky relatives who tell me, when are you going to do us a favour by completing your grads?as if they fund me and are my moral guardians. these people are the ones who tell me that I'm haughty because I'm studying in one of the best colleges in the city and that i choose not to spend time with them.. ludicrous!! i haven't seen people complaining because someone values studying to trivial social gatherings..

really!! :x what really bothers me is, these cousins who are almost 15-20 years my senior never bothered about me when i was younger. in fact they would not include me in any of their meets despite me begging them to allow me, saying I'm too small. and now that I'm all grown up they demand respect and attention! I'm raging here to even imagine tomorrow i have to go out to lunch at these peoples place because a cousin of mine has come down from Alaska for a few days and he will be leaving soon. because college is off now and i have nothing much planned I'm trapped into attending a social do despite not wanting to.. damn my fate!!

guys if you have such relatives..shun them or simple run away!! they are a pain in the A$$!! and do pray for me that i can endure this tyranny tomorrow without being my usual outspoken self and be the perfect darling daughter to my overtly emotional mom, who thinks the world of these trashy relatives!! :P

My Dream House

This is the view I've always envisioned. from the time i came across this picture i just couldn't get it out of my system; hence the post :P!
i have always wanted to live in a sky scraper. my dream house wouldn't be too big, just enough to accommodate me and thoughts. a place where i can just be me. to sit flopped on a bean bag, with a good book; or just standing on the balcony with a mug of steaming coffee looking out at the street lights and the cars zooming by.

A one room flat, with a spacious bathroom and a cozy veranda, is what my dream home is like. With loads of cushions, my books, my lappy and ipod. A queen sized bed, bean backs and a desk and cupboard is all the furniture i need. to imagine a place all to myself is an absolute bliss. so tell me what is your ideal home like?