There are times you actually have to let go
to selfishly put yourself before others
to realize,that however good it is, it wont work
to have courage to hear the voice of reason;
amidst a din of the heart that weakens you
it is then time to steel yourself and
do what you know is right,
even if the result is far from happy.
tears and longing will try and weaken your resolve
solitude will break your heart.
no matter how difficult it is, the final step should be taken
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Friday, January 01, 2010
So What's New?!
God! how i wish i was the cool chick who is oh so hot! who has an attitude to flaunt, a life to live.. in short hot and happening! here i am boring me. struggling in the race of life, no colour whatsoever and no attitude to flaunt! but heck! I'm me isn't it! and just because i don't have a thing doesn't mean i cant right? so it brings me to that point where i make resolutions..
are you wondering, why make resolutions when you will not keep it? Dude.. i make resolutions and i make them turn true you know ..ahaan! :) don't roll your eyes now... :P :)
are you wondering, why make resolutions when you will not keep it? Dude.. i make resolutions and i make them turn true you know ..ahaan! :) don't roll your eyes now... :P :)
- I'm gonna take pride in myself and my accomplishments.. and will gain my confidence back and walk tall...
- people will make me feel like a dimwit [ o yea they have] i will turn up my nose at them.. and tell them to F***k O*F! or Kiss My A$$!!
- Will stop being Uptight and ease out!
- Will take failures and disappointments in my stride...most importantly will forgive myself.
- Will channelize my energies..
- Will Blog!!! and get back to the two people who have struck by me, through thick and thin and did not abandon me in favour for newer friends..they were there no matter what!! Anwesa and Nikhil... a promise made and will be keep! no more hibernation!!
- Will put in my all for the one this i need desperately JOB!!
Now for the hopes and prayers of this new year...
The last year has been pretty rough on my parents.. they have proven just how much parents really do for their kids..my parents put me and my comfort before their own needs.. and this year i hope and pray i can make them proud by overcoming my not so great grades, get a job so that i can give them all that they deserve and more. not only do i owe it to them but because it pains me to see how much they do to provide me a decent life. its time unhappiness and hardship makes a move, paving way for some comfort and happiness to reign!
Since I'm in an asking mood... God please please.. first give me a job... and second give me a job in Kolkata please...i miss home and not a day passes when i don't long to come back..let me be where i have sent 21 years of my life.. please please..getting a job would be superb but a job in Kolkata would be a cherry on the cake!! please make my life! :) :P
With such a huge list i think Mister God must have logged out of his prayer inbox already :P anyway.. how was your 31st? new year resolutions in 2010??
P.S- I'm planning to change my template of the blog..can you guys suggest good templates/widgets etc? any suggestions is always welcome!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Chalo let's go..
"Jani phuriye jabey jani..amader ai chelebelay
tobu ankre dhorey rekho tumi tomar joubon..
tobu hoy toh theke jabey amader gaan taniya"
i know someday our youth will diminish...yet cling to those times, maybe someday our song will remain taniya..
I had gone away with pain and anger seething in my heart. i could never really forget or forgive the episode. i nurtured the pain in me for almost a year now. but this time not anymore, i let go of it all. with a new year, i embrace newer challenges, newer opportunities; i will think not of what has happened but of what can happen. the pain is just too much to bear and carry forward and i refuse to crave for acceptance, of being validated. I've been craving for it too long and after a year of it, i don't think it is worth it, i don't think they are worth it either. i am who i am, and i refuse to bow my head and take on humiliation and insult dished out to me. Every human being deserves respect and right to be the way they are, and if to get acceptance and recognition you need to alter yourself, put the things that made you the person who are; then i don't crave for it at all. i know if i don't forgive Them and move on i can never really be me. i need to tell myself i don't need Them to tell me i exist for me to really exist. i can manage just being me, i have trodden alone and if need be i can do so without assistance. but i will have no more of a life, where i cant walk tall.for it, if i have to let go of my claim to something i hold dear, i will but no more of humiliation and pain. a new year warrants a new beginning and i deserve respect. i wont languish in pain but move ahead leaving behind the pain of the past. i let go.. i forgive Them..
"onek jontronao jabey phuriye akdin
kotoo bharakranto mon jabey juriyebakdin
keu hothat shanti khujey abey kuriye akdin..
somoy...somoy....
jotoi akre thaki somoy..hather mutho khuley jitey hobey akdin.. "
A lot of pain will get over one day...burdened mind will be eased one day..peace will be found one day...time..however much we cling to time..one has to open their fist someday and let it all go..time...
P.S- Lyrics are from a movie called Madly Bangali..one of my fav's
Wishing you all..
Happy and Prosperous New year!!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Secret 7
I saw this post on Dhanya's profile where she was tagged to reveal 7 secrets of hers... since i don't have anything substantial to add to my blog at the moment [lol! like i have otherwise too! :P] so i decided to do this on my blog too!
1. i am a sucker for romantic movies.i never get tired of watching same things over and over again. however much i hate to admit it, i get all senti while watching them and i even shed a tear or two...:) its needless to say it does something to my emotional equilibrium.. and if I'm watching such movies in hostel then it brings a sense of loss or vacuum in me... : ( :P
2. I'm emotionally very cold. I'm not very openly affectionate types. saying 'i love you' or cuddling doesn't come easy to me. I'm better than before but i have a long way to go before i can express myself better!
3.i slip into depression or i loose confidence in myself often. it takes colossal effort on my part to feel optimistic enough to move on.
4. I'm quite opposite to what i seem. i may appear confident and composed.. but actually I'm quite a freak inside. i tend to bottle my emotions, i hate to cry or let people see me cry. and every day is a challenge for me to go and get what i want.
5. i may not be outwardly religious types, but i have immense faith in God. everyday is a prayer for me, and i have great dependency on prayers.
6.i hate changes. i resist them with all my might. it unnerves me. it makes me an uptight person who loves to be in control of everything in her life.
7.i always store chocolate wrappers, cars, letters etc, never throw anything that is given to me.. :) for me these are of sentimental value..
1. i am a sucker for romantic movies.i never get tired of watching same things over and over again. however much i hate to admit it, i get all senti while watching them and i even shed a tear or two...:) its needless to say it does something to my emotional equilibrium.. and if I'm watching such movies in hostel then it brings a sense of loss or vacuum in me... : ( :P
2. I'm emotionally very cold. I'm not very openly affectionate types. saying 'i love you' or cuddling doesn't come easy to me. I'm better than before but i have a long way to go before i can express myself better!
3.i slip into depression or i loose confidence in myself often. it takes colossal effort on my part to feel optimistic enough to move on.
4. I'm quite opposite to what i seem. i may appear confident and composed.. but actually I'm quite a freak inside. i tend to bottle my emotions, i hate to cry or let people see me cry. and every day is a challenge for me to go and get what i want.
5. i may not be outwardly religious types, but i have immense faith in God. everyday is a prayer for me, and i have great dependency on prayers.
6.i hate changes. i resist them with all my might. it unnerves me. it makes me an uptight person who loves to be in control of everything in her life.
7.i always store chocolate wrappers, cars, letters etc, never throw anything that is given to me.. :) for me these are of sentimental value..
Sunday, December 27, 2009
This year that was
No come back speeches no promises to keep blogging. i write because i want to. another year has drawn to an end. a year that will be a landmark in my life. a year in which i 'Grew Up' all of 22 yea i grew up.
i was among those who stay at home and are dying to go out into the world, live on my own away from family, fiercely ambitious and independent who want to live life on my own terms. but what i had not bargained for is knowing life for what it really is, and not how i viewed it. i remember making resolutions that this year will be that year when i move out of home, and at the end of it i have moved out. and these Christmas holidays when i am home, I'm living the live i had left behind on rent; and even though it is borrowed i think this is the most beautiful and heavenly places on earth for me. yea staying away from home makes even the earlier hellish like home seem like heaven.
leaving behind everything i grew up with was probably the hardest thing i have done till date. i still cant believe that i have managed to stay without all the things i loved. living in a new city, sharing a room with 4 others is not easy to say the least. there were some minor problems and then there were major problems but then i took it on. there were times things went way bad than i could have ever imagined. i felt everything crumbling, i knew i would never be able to stand up and face it again but then i did it. i learned to face things i wasn't proud of or things that made me feel terrible about myself.i felt like an idiot at times, i lost my confidence my zest for life and somewhere the reason for why i am where i am. I'm still clawing in the dark to find that one light that would guide me through. a lot of discoveries i have made about people but first and foremost about me. being at home you don't realize what you like and what you don't, or the kind of person you will be. i saw a glimpse of the kind of person i will be: prim and proper. one who keeps her shoes together, her cupboard in place, her laundry done and no pending work, in a word control freak. and i love that about myself, because at home I'm quite the opposite but living in a hostel taught me what a cleanliness freak i can be, yeah sometimes it does range in the limits of insanity but then i mean no harm to anyone.
i have done a lot of grown up stuff in my stint in Bangalore. i have travelled from an unknown naxal infested taluk of Karnataka to Bangalore, i took my first ever flight ride [make that 4 ever since...]i have learnt to go shopping alone.. o most guys its not a big deal but shopping is not something you can do alone..seriously.. you always need a companion..talking about being all grown up i had to counsel myself say about a million times that at 22 I'm hardly a young girl and that i should overcome my fears .. well the counselling continues.. and well i hope sometime it yields proper results...
on other fronts... i had my convocation a few days back on 24Th of December 2009 at 3.15 precisely i was handed over graduation degree..dressed in saree and robes[that's thee tradition of JU] looking like pupils of Hogwarts except a tad bit hideous... i officially became a graduate.. :)
personal front.. well i could never imagine a life apart from Samik.. even though I'm living such a life now.. at least from my end i do not see any change in the dynamics of our relationship.. distance does not really bother me.. in fact in someways distance puts me in a space when i value the time i spend with him.. over the phone or those rare occasions when he flies down to Bangalore to visit me... there is not much to tell.. more updates on personal front is required before i can make further statements :)
that's all from my end as of now...
so does this post mean I'm back to blogging?? well no promises..because i don't seem to keep them.. but a realization on blogging front.. from the moment i had let life take over and not me controlling it..i realized i had ceased to be content and i went slightly insane...as i always said blogging keeps me alive and sane..so i will probably cut down on those extra hours of sleep because i have nothing much to do and devote a little time to doing something that never fails to bring a smile to my face: blogging...
i was among those who stay at home and are dying to go out into the world, live on my own away from family, fiercely ambitious and independent who want to live life on my own terms. but what i had not bargained for is knowing life for what it really is, and not how i viewed it. i remember making resolutions that this year will be that year when i move out of home, and at the end of it i have moved out. and these Christmas holidays when i am home, I'm living the live i had left behind on rent; and even though it is borrowed i think this is the most beautiful and heavenly places on earth for me. yea staying away from home makes even the earlier hellish like home seem like heaven.
leaving behind everything i grew up with was probably the hardest thing i have done till date. i still cant believe that i have managed to stay without all the things i loved. living in a new city, sharing a room with 4 others is not easy to say the least. there were some minor problems and then there were major problems but then i took it on. there were times things went way bad than i could have ever imagined. i felt everything crumbling, i knew i would never be able to stand up and face it again but then i did it. i learned to face things i wasn't proud of or things that made me feel terrible about myself.i felt like an idiot at times, i lost my confidence my zest for life and somewhere the reason for why i am where i am. I'm still clawing in the dark to find that one light that would guide me through. a lot of discoveries i have made about people but first and foremost about me. being at home you don't realize what you like and what you don't, or the kind of person you will be. i saw a glimpse of the kind of person i will be: prim and proper. one who keeps her shoes together, her cupboard in place, her laundry done and no pending work, in a word control freak. and i love that about myself, because at home I'm quite the opposite but living in a hostel taught me what a cleanliness freak i can be, yeah sometimes it does range in the limits of insanity but then i mean no harm to anyone.
i have done a lot of grown up stuff in my stint in Bangalore. i have travelled from an unknown naxal infested taluk of Karnataka to Bangalore, i took my first ever flight ride [make that 4 ever since...]i have learnt to go shopping alone.. o most guys its not a big deal but shopping is not something you can do alone..seriously.. you always need a companion..talking about being all grown up i had to counsel myself say about a million times that at 22 I'm hardly a young girl and that i should overcome my fears .. well the counselling continues.. and well i hope sometime it yields proper results...
on other fronts... i had my convocation a few days back on 24Th of December 2009 at 3.15 precisely i was handed over graduation degree..dressed in saree and robes[that's thee tradition of JU] looking like pupils of Hogwarts except a tad bit hideous... i officially became a graduate.. :)
personal front.. well i could never imagine a life apart from Samik.. even though I'm living such a life now.. at least from my end i do not see any change in the dynamics of our relationship.. distance does not really bother me.. in fact in someways distance puts me in a space when i value the time i spend with him.. over the phone or those rare occasions when he flies down to Bangalore to visit me... there is not much to tell.. more updates on personal front is required before i can make further statements :)
that's all from my end as of now...
so does this post mean I'm back to blogging?? well no promises..because i don't seem to keep them.. but a realization on blogging front.. from the moment i had let life take over and not me controlling it..i realized i had ceased to be content and i went slightly insane...as i always said blogging keeps me alive and sane..so i will probably cut down on those extra hours of sleep because i have nothing much to do and devote a little time to doing something that never fails to bring a smile to my face: blogging...
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Mundane World
I have been away from this space.. and this time it was deliberate and well thought out. i don't want to convert this space into a place where i whine, and bring all the negative energies of the mundane life here. this space is too precious for that.
there is so much to tell, i don't know where to begin. my last post was on my "mid sem review' so a follow up on that is, in 20 days following that i had another review and the change was phenomenal..i got commended on my reporting too on next beat reporting following my review..story ideas too fetched me marks.. and guess what? my stories too was taken for the bulletin at a time i felt extremely low about myself and my performance. it does make me feel good because after the review, no matter how brave a front i had put up, it had shaken my confidence and i was very reluctant to do anything. moreover devoting every waking hour to studies and giving myself time to do assignments, forgiving myself for things i couldn't do, really helped... sorry i didn't mean to brag, but its just that i feel good about myself that too in a long time.
"“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”
i came to understand the value of friends in a world of competition, a world that means only business. disillusioned? no.. just a lot more mature.. this is not the first time this has happened so this time there were no reactions. in this leg of the journey of life i learned so many different things not just about people but about me. i combated my fear of loneliness. i was always apprehensive to go shopping alone or do things on my own, but now i do everything on my own. i don't depend on other for anything. i forgive those who are mean to me, purely because they don't posses the intellect or the education to know right from wrong, and forgiving people helps clean your heart and lets them burn in agony why is it that despite harming me, i fail to react. i thank this prof in college who actually taught me this, I'm grateful for that. she taught me something really valuable and i will carry it forward wherever i go..
Last few weeks has been a terrible nightmare to me.. i was sinking into pits of despair... thoughts of quitting was rampant on my mind... i just wanted to run away.. no one understood me.. all those i held close were away and others gave me a tough time.. work work and some more work drained the last drop of energy in me..exhaustion and depression made me even to think coherently...somewhere came the hope the will to see this through... i wanted to see, to test myself how much more i could endure this.. and now it feels a lot better. i know despite the terrible circumstances i know this will work out.. and no matter what people say or do, i will see this through to the end... because Winners never Quit and Quitters never Win
On personal front there is nothing great to talk about.. my parents have been extremely supporting and thoughtful in this last few weeks, i have come much closer to them, earlier i would never disclose the details of the things that go on in my life pertaining to college, but now i do and they have been a constant source of courage and inspiration to me .. for which i am extremely grateful.. where on one hand i was coming closer to loved ones... there was someone who complicated things by choosing not to understand me instead was being immature. patience is a virtue i had never possessed but i cultivated it... but its like fighting a loosing battle to reason to someone who refuses to see light no matter what and who will not support me but make matters difficult. i have no tolerance for such people even if they are close to me...sad but the extreme conditions on which i am surviving, there comes a time when patience and tolerance succumbs ...
On different thoughts... i have been reading a particular blog and i was so hooked that i went back read back the posts... and somewhere it calmed me down... its beautifully and truthfully written.. the reason why i kept reading was because it reinstated that emotions are there even in this mundane world... and the person who writes it A.G [yes i remember your name.. Mr Hopeless Romantic..] has now become someone i look forward to talking too even if for those brief chat sessions amidst work [both his and mine] with him i really talk endlessly, and i realized how much i love talking but here i hardly talk my heart out.. here i listen because people have so much to talk that they don't realize the person they are talking to may want to contribute too... i love talking to him.. laughing too... i miss these days .. i used to have a life online...Mayank Anwesa Harshi Leo Richa Nikhi Ne .. god! i have been so into work that i have lost those conversations.. those hours i would go chapper chapper all the time.. :) thank god i made some enduring friends here at bloggerville... who support me even if i am not around as much.. they understand... Nikhil never complains if i don't take his call because he knows im busy, he is patient and forever understanding.. i stay in Bangalore yet i don't meet Vinu but i extract a lot of information from him but he never complains... i wonder why? i must have done something good to deserve such friends for i know for a fact that such people in "real" life is extinct ....
Did i mention i went to Pavagada in Tumkur district for a Taluk visit? well the trip was beautiful.. people were great.. i haven't got so much warmth from strangers.. they gave us whatever they could offer to make us feel loved and welcomed.. it meant so much.. what really tugged at my conscience was these people looked at us with hope and expectation, willing us to help them change their abominable situation but there was hardly anything we could do... i tried doing my bit by blogging about the Fluorosis in Pavagada in my journalistic blog...check it out if you wish...click here
God has been really kind.. because a few of the troubles that has been clouding my life has partially moved to allow a ray of light to enter my life and that is something I'm grateful for...
So this is about everything that has been happening in my life... I'm sure i must have bored you to death... but once i began i couldn't stop myself.. until i write i don't know just how much i miss my blog...
i hope you all are well? wassup at your end? do keep me posted...
lots of love
~Phoenix~
P.S- do overlook my typos.. haven't got the time to proof read... :P :) sorry!!
there is so much to tell, i don't know where to begin. my last post was on my "mid sem review' so a follow up on that is, in 20 days following that i had another review and the change was phenomenal..i got commended on my reporting too on next beat reporting following my review..story ideas too fetched me marks.. and guess what? my stories too was taken for the bulletin at a time i felt extremely low about myself and my performance. it does make me feel good because after the review, no matter how brave a front i had put up, it had shaken my confidence and i was very reluctant to do anything. moreover devoting every waking hour to studies and giving myself time to do assignments, forgiving myself for things i couldn't do, really helped... sorry i didn't mean to brag, but its just that i feel good about myself that too in a long time.
"“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.”
i came to understand the value of friends in a world of competition, a world that means only business. disillusioned? no.. just a lot more mature.. this is not the first time this has happened so this time there were no reactions. in this leg of the journey of life i learned so many different things not just about people but about me. i combated my fear of loneliness. i was always apprehensive to go shopping alone or do things on my own, but now i do everything on my own. i don't depend on other for anything. i forgive those who are mean to me, purely because they don't posses the intellect or the education to know right from wrong, and forgiving people helps clean your heart and lets them burn in agony why is it that despite harming me, i fail to react. i thank this prof in college who actually taught me this, I'm grateful for that. she taught me something really valuable and i will carry it forward wherever i go..
Last few weeks has been a terrible nightmare to me.. i was sinking into pits of despair... thoughts of quitting was rampant on my mind... i just wanted to run away.. no one understood me.. all those i held close were away and others gave me a tough time.. work work and some more work drained the last drop of energy in me..exhaustion and depression made me even to think coherently...somewhere came the hope the will to see this through... i wanted to see, to test myself how much more i could endure this.. and now it feels a lot better. i know despite the terrible circumstances i know this will work out.. and no matter what people say or do, i will see this through to the end... because Winners never Quit and Quitters never Win
On personal front there is nothing great to talk about.. my parents have been extremely supporting and thoughtful in this last few weeks, i have come much closer to them, earlier i would never disclose the details of the things that go on in my life pertaining to college, but now i do and they have been a constant source of courage and inspiration to me .. for which i am extremely grateful.. where on one hand i was coming closer to loved ones... there was someone who complicated things by choosing not to understand me instead was being immature. patience is a virtue i had never possessed but i cultivated it... but its like fighting a loosing battle to reason to someone who refuses to see light no matter what and who will not support me but make matters difficult. i have no tolerance for such people even if they are close to me...sad but the extreme conditions on which i am surviving, there comes a time when patience and tolerance succumbs ...
On different thoughts... i have been reading a particular blog and i was so hooked that i went back read back the posts... and somewhere it calmed me down... its beautifully and truthfully written.. the reason why i kept reading was because it reinstated that emotions are there even in this mundane world... and the person who writes it A.G [yes i remember your name.. Mr Hopeless Romantic..] has now become someone i look forward to talking too even if for those brief chat sessions amidst work [both his and mine] with him i really talk endlessly, and i realized how much i love talking but here i hardly talk my heart out.. here i listen because people have so much to talk that they don't realize the person they are talking to may want to contribute too... i love talking to him.. laughing too... i miss these days .. i used to have a life online...Mayank Anwesa Harshi Leo Richa Nikhi Ne .. god! i have been so into work that i have lost those conversations.. those hours i would go chapper chapper all the time.. :) thank god i made some enduring friends here at bloggerville... who support me even if i am not around as much.. they understand... Nikhil never complains if i don't take his call because he knows im busy, he is patient and forever understanding.. i stay in Bangalore yet i don't meet Vinu but i extract a lot of information from him but he never complains... i wonder why? i must have done something good to deserve such friends for i know for a fact that such people in "real" life is extinct ....
Did i mention i went to Pavagada in Tumkur district for a Taluk visit? well the trip was beautiful.. people were great.. i haven't got so much warmth from strangers.. they gave us whatever they could offer to make us feel loved and welcomed.. it meant so much.. what really tugged at my conscience was these people looked at us with hope and expectation, willing us to help them change their abominable situation but there was hardly anything we could do... i tried doing my bit by blogging about the Fluorosis in Pavagada in my journalistic blog...check it out if you wish...click here
God has been really kind.. because a few of the troubles that has been clouding my life has partially moved to allow a ray of light to enter my life and that is something I'm grateful for...
So this is about everything that has been happening in my life... I'm sure i must have bored you to death... but once i began i couldn't stop myself.. until i write i don't know just how much i miss my blog...
i hope you all are well? wassup at your end? do keep me posted...
lots of love
~Phoenix~
P.S- do overlook my typos.. haven't got the time to proof read... :P :) sorry!!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Mid sem Review!!
Yesterday we had mid sem reviews in college. and i got the biggest shock of my life. and i realized how true all that was spoken to me was "i needed a life" i have been too stressed about how best to get a job, how to perform great each time, how not to make mistakes, to diligently do my work; that i had forgotten to breathe to take it easy.
And that is exactly i was told among other things of course. i have this way of piling things on me. and i let the burden of responsibilities that is on me get better of me and my work suffered and it showed the stress i am putting on myself. maybe Kanchan[vise Dean] was right, i need to forgive myself, to tell myself i can make mistakes, to allow space for mistakes. yes the technical bit i need to work harder but on the whole i need to relax and take it easy without piling on.
The worse part of it all was, i had a nervous breakdown during the mid sem review, nothing could be more humiliating and embarrassing. maybe its time i have to stop being hard on myself. its time to review myself and set my priorities straight.
And that is exactly i was told among other things of course. i have this way of piling things on me. and i let the burden of responsibilities that is on me get better of me and my work suffered and it showed the stress i am putting on myself. maybe Kanchan[vise Dean] was right, i need to forgive myself, to tell myself i can make mistakes, to allow space for mistakes. yes the technical bit i need to work harder but on the whole i need to relax and take it easy without piling on.
The worse part of it all was, i had a nervous breakdown during the mid sem review, nothing could be more humiliating and embarrassing. maybe its time i have to stop being hard on myself. its time to review myself and set my priorities straight.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
My first Diwali away from home
My roomate Vaidehi and Me
There is always many firsts when you leave home.. these occasions either overwhelm you or leave you having the time of your life. for me it was a little of both. all of you who still read me [thank you! :)] know how paranoid i was leaving home, and everything that i called mine. here away from home i realized how dear everything that i left behind is to me, but more than that i have learnt to make a new place my own.
this is my first diwali away from mom dad and Samik, so in a way it was really painful but did i just sit and sulk? no i learnt to bring a little of everything i so loved into my new life and spread a few smiles. this diwali was unique with it came a realization and it was all a bitter sweet feeling.
Doing Rangoli
it was an amazing night as i carried the try of diyas placing it at regular intervals just like i used to at home, but there wasn't dad to help me out this time. i couldn't see the lights glittering in the streets below as i looked down from my veranda. i had to blink back tears several times, and ignore the pain of not being with Samik... but i let go.. because i knew this time wouldn't ever come back again.. the people, the smiling faces, those warm wishes and glittering lights.. a life that will now last for only the next 6 months.. until i leave... i lived the life like i wouldn't ever, and i did what i wouldn't be caught doing in public;dancing.. and what a night it was! tears were never away but i wasn't prepared to let it dampen my spirits...
late at night when everyone was in bed, tired and sleepy i stole away to the terrace and looked around.. a year ago this life was unimaginable.. a year later would be surreal too.. i will be working... maybe i will be away from home... now home seems a long long way off.. a temporary respite.. i will bring my home to a place where i will be.. i will build my life again.. and hopefully i will have the house i have always hoped of living in..
hopes and dreams are the comforters of life.. it often makes the journey worthwhile and makes life so much better...
for more pics click HERE
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Flying on a jet plane
I know most of you will find this really silly and childish but then since it was my first ever airplane ride it was really special to me and that's what this post is about.
as a child i would keep staring at all those airplanes or helicopters that would fly in the sky above, and i would squint till it disappeared amidst clouds. this habit or fascination stayed with me until recently. so you can imagine what i must have felt like when i finally got the tickets to fly home for the pujas. and to add to that i was going home, life seemed blissful. without having any prior knowledge about flight experience i faltered quite a few times but thankfully i didn't really goof up.
the best part of the whole 2 way flight experience was the view. while flying home i had taken the evening flight so i actually saw the cities i passed twinkling. highways seemed like river of lights snaking its way through mountains and hillocks. this may be quite a common sight for regular flyer's but for me it was a scene id die for.. it was something i had never seen before. and while i was flying on my way back it was another experience because i saw the sunrise as my flight took off and then the whole world glistening under the morning sun... white clouds floated around.. the land below looked like what an overview of Fb would look like... it was amazing... despite being tired and utterly stressed on both times i didn't sleep a wink.. i was glued to the window taking in the sight ... it was one beautiful experience...
P.S- do pardon my childlike excitement... but i really thought it is important to to share one of the most beautiful experiences of my life...
as a child i would keep staring at all those airplanes or helicopters that would fly in the sky above, and i would squint till it disappeared amidst clouds. this habit or fascination stayed with me until recently. so you can imagine what i must have felt like when i finally got the tickets to fly home for the pujas. and to add to that i was going home, life seemed blissful. without having any prior knowledge about flight experience i faltered quite a few times but thankfully i didn't really goof up.
the best part of the whole 2 way flight experience was the view. while flying home i had taken the evening flight so i actually saw the cities i passed twinkling. highways seemed like river of lights snaking its way through mountains and hillocks. this may be quite a common sight for regular flyer's but for me it was a scene id die for.. it was something i had never seen before. and while i was flying on my way back it was another experience because i saw the sunrise as my flight took off and then the whole world glistening under the morning sun... white clouds floated around.. the land below looked like what an overview of Fb would look like... it was amazing... despite being tired and utterly stressed on both times i didn't sleep a wink.. i was glued to the window taking in the sight ... it was one beautiful experience...
P.S- do pardon my childlike excitement... but i really thought it is important to to share one of the most beautiful experiences of my life...
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Homeless
I came today from a trip back home. and its not a great feeling. what makes it worse is i couldn't just fit in back at home, i was sulking i wanted to get back, i was missing my roomies, my life here. and i had left at a time i had settled in but now that i went back everything got unsettled again. the life that i had to willingly detached myself from, was the same life i could never get back to when i was home. and when i was begining to just settled down i had to come back. and now when i am here i long for all that i wont get... why is it that grass is greener on the other side?
Its like i cant fit in back home anymore and neither do i belong here. its the worse feeling of the lot. i know within a few days i may settled back in here but this feeling is there to stay. how can life transform itself so fast? where do i belong now? is what i keep wondering.....
Sorry im in an exteremely bad mood now... hopefully will bounce back... :)
This is a teary phoenix signing off...
P.S-next post on my first flight journey... more on that later..
Its like i cant fit in back home anymore and neither do i belong here. its the worse feeling of the lot. i know within a few days i may settled back in here but this feeling is there to stay. how can life transform itself so fast? where do i belong now? is what i keep wondering.....
Sorry im in an exteremely bad mood now... hopefully will bounce back... :)
This is a teary phoenix signing off...
P.S-next post on my first flight journey... more on that later..
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