Roshni: My Niece

My first memory of my niece is stepping into the room where my sister was dressing this tiny tot. i was too shocked to react, to see my sister with a baby was something that hadn't yet registered. mother and my sister?! no way! a gurgle drew my attention to this tiniest of being on earth. hesitantly i inched closer until my sister just flopped her over into my arms. nervous and scared that i may drop her. i clung to her for my life. that day despite being nothing more than 12-13 myself i knew what it is to hold someone close to ones heart. she won me over with her cu tests of smiles and those eyes that just stared at me laughingly. that very day i gave up my savings of rs 50 to buy her a 'hit me" toy which was way taller than her and would topple her, but the way she would hug it would melt my soul.

R O S H N I was just 9 months, my sister was admitted in the hospital with a bad case of appendicitis and i was entrusted with her care.barely old enough to know my way. i did what a mother should do. put her to sleep after walking and singing to her.changed her at regular intervals, cleaning her and feeding her. she wouldnt ever go to my mother, and clung to me 24*7. nights i would be awake trying to play with her and feed her and putting her to sleep.studies was the last thing i was able to do, because while she was asleep i would be trying to rest too. she was the world to me, and i did what i did only because i knew i had all the happiness in form of the baby in my arms.


Roshni is now all of 9. tall and lanky. she wears all my clothes with elaan.and she is more a friend than niece to me. she introduces me as a "friend" and not "masi" to her classmates and proudly flaunts me. it is always me who has to get her smallest whim and fantasy fulfilled. just like she knows she is pampered she is quite scared of me as well. she is the only one i allow to handle by precious cam. we get into some bad fights as well but they don't last long because chocolates and teddies do manage to bribe her and in no time is back to her usual chirpy self. it was worth all the pain and the neat pile i spent behind getting her the bacugan toy she so wanted. last time we were in the mall i hadn't been able to get her the toy coz i wasn't carrying my card with me.. but this time i got it and my my the look on her face was well worth it.

She just makes me such happy person. she makes me wanna put all the happiness of the world at her beckoning. because she is and will always be, my darling. and love is hardly the emotion that can summarize just how precious she is to me.she is and will always be my baby.

PS-D0 drop in a comment in the post below..

Of church bells and chimes
Of tears and smiles.
Here's wishing you a fond goodbye

will miss you Chris. have a bon voyage.god speed.

Wedding Party Woes!

I went to a wedding reception yesterday. it was my dad's friend's son's wedding. so it was kind of a family affair and on no acount could i refuse to go or give a slip as i usually do. my fears and apprehension are genuine,the comments of relatives and acquaintances really bothers me because it is almost as always on me getting married. my fears just got confirmed; when an aunty came up to my mom and said "ki go ruby di? meye akhon ki korchey? or kono chobi thakle dio.. oi je America theke oi je... akta patro achey........" [ ruby di, what is your daughter doing these days? send me her pic for that American guy i was talking about..." ] my face hardened and i was prepared to give the lady a taste of her own medicine when mom signalled me to keep my cool.

An invitee in the wedding was staring at me all evening. he was a man in his 50's, he later ensured that his wife joins in. it was only later i came to know he was inquiring to my mom what i was doing in life etc...

Another man, my dad's friend; went as far as to tell me, so you are completing college right? so will dad ensure you study or has he looked for a man yet? the moment i said both my dad and i will ensure that i study, his face clouded. he told my dad that he should treat me like a girl should and start looking for a groom.

Why do people worry about if or not others children are married and settled. cant they mind their own business? i have read about some similar experiences in my other bloggers friends blog but probably i could never gauge their plight. but now i do. isnt marraige about two people who are compatible and in love? and just who determines when is the right time to get married. im 21 and im having to face such a torture i wonder what will happen as the years proceed.marriage talks always makes me feel like an object, as if i am some old transistor that needs to me married off. i will marry if and when i am ready and not because someone thinks it is time to do it or i ought to do it. damn these social nuisance who think its on them to do good! and damn these arranged marriages and these pimps of a matchers!! hmmph!

A Perfect Day!

I am so bored of being me!its the same face that stares back from the mirror. its the same hair that i have to brush, its the same old clothes and same old stupid silly friends, and same old life.

What if one day id wake up to see that i am transported to a whole new world and a whole new me?my whole life getting revamped! wouldn't it be great to just open my eyes and everything would go right? samik would be the perfect boy friend and call and wake me up, it would not be a bad hair day. i would have no problem mixing and matching my clothes for college,instead the need to do so wouldn't arise seeing the size of my wardrobe, my kajal wouldn't smudge and my backpack would contain everything i will require. what if that day, im not late, and everything is in order? and dad would be a bit more benevolent with the pocket money and the breakfast would be a bit more sumptuous.wouldn't it be just great to have a seat in the bus instead of standing or maybe get an auto without an hassle. to top it off what if a paper is given out and i score the heighest?wouldn't it be just perfect.what if i had that apt set of friends, who valued friendships and emotions as much as i did, it would be amazing to lazy around with him, leaving the worries behind to enjoy an idyllic evening talking and doing something constructive not aimlessly taking a dig at others. the day would be just ideal wouldn't it?

What would be your perfect day be like??

P.S-Any idea what i can do with my long wavy hair?i have a wedding coming up.i so im trying to look different and do something to the hair.. to add to my worries my salon is closed today, so i have to rely on home made remedies..

Family Day, Awards and Exams

Yesterday was family day at Samik's office. Its a yearly event and like last year, this year too i accompanied him. Now you must be wondering why the hell would i go out with my [supposed] ex? well yeah we have broken up or rather we are on a break for sometime.. we keep going out, socializing, talking over the phone and usual stuff. Don't ask me why because i don't know, except i think we cant help not doing it. But trust me it really works wonders. The kind of equation we share now, probably is not the same as we used to share when we were together, its better and more mature i guess.


O yea Family Day, well family day at HSBC is really something. i mean the saroo employers do think of their employees enough to organize such an event on a high scale each year. the best part is, the event was not about showing off how good the company is. but it was also about doing their bit for the society. the company boasts of aiding an orphanage and an old age home, and they are their sole benefactors.imagine what it would look like to see men in their late twenties on stage, in South Indian attire-lungi and shirt, baring their [sexy lol!]legs and dancing to one of my favs-appadi podu... yeah you are right they were looking absolutely cute, where else would you see IT professional, from managerial level do this?!. it takes courage to perform in front of friends and family. what was amazing was, every department did their best trying to out do the rest, which resulted in a darn good show; except the MC was atrocious, with his PJs and singing. every one was chilled and relaxed, even his moronic managers were having a gala time with their wife and kids or girl friends. i have been hearing a lot of Fresh N Honest coffee in samik's office, finally i got to savor it too.it was perfect, a lil strong but absolutely heavenly. what did i do all evening? well samik and i went for never ending walks within the compound, drinking coffee, savoring the winter chills, chatting and laughing, and watching one or two great performances. To say the least we got spotted by samik's friends and colleagues, who kinda eyed me suspiciously and gave a meek smile and disappeared! [thank god!] i just hope today at least he wont be teased at office for being in the event yet not taking part.. but my prediction says he might as well feel the heat! :P

Madam PJ has award me again and it goes without saying that I'm thrilled and honored. its the butterfly award! how i was envying all those who had it and i didn't! but now i have one to flaunt it too. :) but id like to pass it on to

*harshita
*ria
*anwesa
**luckydivs
*yamini and
*tara

because this girl gang rocks! girl power!! :)

my semesters begin in an exact week. to be honest i have not been able to make a headway in the past week, but all that is about to change, relax! no im not quitting blog world :D its just im not scared or nervous. but i will be, dont worry and you will get to know for sure :P


i hope you all have a great weekend ahead!

cheerio!

"IF"

by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"


If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!


this is one of my favorite poems and i had first come across this poem when i was just 10. something about this poem has stuck on and stayed with me through my formative days.its the best motivation anyone can ever get.

recently i saw so many imminent people give up fame, power and money; while they were at peak.it has always made me wonder what it must have cost people like, Bill Gates, Saurav Ganguly, Anil Kunble, Suchitra Sen; to give something they loved doing. how much it must have effected them to give it all up while at the top. seriously i don't know if ever i will get to do something i love and then give it all up. what would you do? would you be able to give up something while at the top?

TAG!!

i borrowed this one from Chris. i'm sure this will help us to know each other better. do answer the following questions as comments...

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. Something I have and YOU want?
4. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it?
5. Describe me in one word.
6. What was your first impression of me?
7. Do you still think that way about me now?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. How do you see me in the future?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
13. Are you going to post this in your blog and see what I say about you?

Weighty Issues

All my girl pals in blog world are on a diet,taking care of themselves. and that kinda inspired me to write this post.even if i try to overlook, weight has been something that has been worrying me,for a long time now. I've been very sporty from childhood, i used to play badminton, took coaching for it and was kinda good in it too. in school i played basketball,dodge ball,khoko,throw ball etc.Not many know,that i am a state level rower [rowing]. till about class 12 i was about as fit as a fiddle. athletic and muscular [in a good way] god! i had a toned body with no flab.if you ever heard the kinda breakfast i had, you'd gasp. 2 eggs[whole], a big mug milk, 6-8 slices of bread,and a fruit!!geeez! and not an ounce of extra flab i had.it used to be so much fun exerting the body to exhaustion.every time i used to flex my muscles to row a stroke more, my body would be pushed further and the pain would increase but the sore too had a satisfaction.

And now, with the lack of exercise, needless to say i have put on flab. many a time I've told myself "OK.this is it.i' ll shed some weight". I've tried from morning walks,to eating healthy,less of junk food, or dieting. nothing lasted for long.yoga helped a lot.mom does it every morning but i just can seem to get down to it.i lack motivation and the timings just never matches up. exercises is such a boring thing for me,and there is no gym close by,yes i am lazy too; but it is something i know is not for me, so i give up soon.

But seeing most of the people put in an honest effort to control over eating or wrong eating;made me what to do the same.I'm not eating healthy to look reed thin [read kareena kapoor, she looks sick!!]but i want to be healthy and fit, so that the troubles my mum is facing of osteoporosis and osteoarthritis i don't do the same.because it is somewhat hereditary and these happen due to overweight.then there are heart diseases and others that follow.

So now i am on an oil free boiled veggies diet. i eat that almost thrice a day.no carbs,no eggs and just black coffee and tea. it isn't easy, only i know how hard i find to overlook the pangs of hunger that are nothing to do with me being hungry but everything to do because i want to chew on something or i feel empty.once i have started monitoring myself i realize where i do wrong and what i should do.the after meal hunger is by far the deadliest. and trust me to see Ads that show food, is a torture. but nothing is impossible if we set our mind to it.all i can say is, im trying, i don't know if i will succeed but at least I'm trying to stay healthy.i hope you do too.

Stay healthy and stay happy :)

400 th post!

With this post i complete my 400Th post in 2 years and a month. The journey from when i started to now has been monumental.i used to be so apprehensive and conscious about what i wrote then. i had colored glasses on. i was weak and vulnerable. i like the new me. I'm a lot more confident on what i write. maybe its because with time i have grown up! It really was a pain to shed the original URL and also the name of the blog. but then it was a tad bit childish, however i do carry forward the "phoenix-rising from the ashes" attitude :)

From the person who hadn't a clue about templates and publishing posts, who would ask friends to fix templates for her, i know a thing or two about it. and that is some achievement! For me, my blog was always was an outlet to speak, to be myself. and whatever opinion i had good and bad; i found friends here who took me for who i am. some have stuck one... and some lost into oblivion, just like it happens in the 'real' world. I've made some really great and worthy friends in this bloggerville. and then there are new people i have just started reading and getting to know. so here's welcoming my new pals into my world-Trinaa,luckydivs and santoshi :) 400 is not a mean feat, but i am really horrible with numbers, so they don't really count. what counts is the happiness and satisfaction i receive from this blog, which is now such a massive part of my existence.i hope i have been able to make my presence felt and spread some good cheer! for all those who are still here reading me,over months and years.thank you, blogging wouldn't be the same without the lovely comments,awards and the friendships i had the opportunity to savor!

But the Biggest Thank You goes to my Bloggie for being the bestest pal ever! mwuah! *HUGS*! I hope i can continue with my blog for many more years to come *fingers crossed* :D

Rant

I realized after writing the previous post that the anger I have within me is due to the fact that I endure what I do from people. It is not because they were just plain bad. But it was me who was unable to stand up to them and tell them “hey! Stop it right there. I won’t put up with your crap!” instead I am content to feel angry within, wishing I had stood up and voiced my opinion.

The reasons for not doing it are many, but most important one being; I didn’t want to have a fight and loose loved ones, as I have always said before, the moment I stand up for myself I loose friends. I then figured I loose friends anyway, so why endure the crap and loose them, why not just put an end to my troubles by voicing my opinions instead of opting out of a conflict? I have been overtly polite and meek and thus stuff kept happening to me. Who do these even think they are to mess up my life anyway? If these people are true friends as I think them to be, they will respect my opinions if and when I choose to voice them. And if they choose to walk away, what can I say? Maybe they weren’t really ‘real’ friends, so what would have happened, happened anyway. At least I will not have regrets or anger within me, because anger is self destructive.

Giving up something you love is the hardest thing to do; trust me I know. It was disheartening to see people ruin the thing that was after my heart, a part of my creation. The final blow was however to see, a person who meant so much do the same. One of the most important truths in life that I learn't is, No one, Absolutely No one cares for the thing you care, the way you do. But having said that, people have their strange ways, and who am I to even judge them?

On happier thoughts…
A very dear friend is going through a rough patch, his spirits are down and he is somewhat demoralized. It just makes me feel helpless, unable to bail him out. But here’s praying that he marches out of the darkness as the warrior of light. *HUGS* cheer up pal!
A big thank you to Harshita,Valencia, and Ria for being the friend in need. It meant the world to have someone who understood me.



News update on personal front-
My semesters begin sometime in the first week of December, yes I need to get down to books, and I will, promise. And I am not going to pledge falsely that I will not be frequent the blog world and study, for I have tried it the last four semesters and I was utterly unsuccessful. But I just have to forewarn that my posts may just be stray thoughts and random doodles. Just don’t abandon me... or else.. I will haunt your blogs..just kidding lol! I hope things are going good at your end… do take care…

Cheerio!

P.S- I’m not unhappy, sad, or even depressed. Instead I’m hail and hearty. I just wanted to reassertion a few things to myself, hence the post. So don’t worry. :D o! i almost forgot... thanks for the lovely comments in the post below!:P