I will be gone someday...

Just when you think you have figured me,

Know at that very moment you are

Farthest from the truth.

Fool you are to think

You can fathom the depths of my soul,

Words can give you an inkling of what is

The reality lies shrouded within.

Love that teaches you to selflessly give,

Love that makes you break down time and time again.

It also empowers you to rise again..

Love will make me stronger than ever

To someday walk away…

From you, from everything that was ours,

But will the pain end?

Lofty thoughts can just make life seem bearable

But truth is what is never to be

Is there for a cause

And to serve the cause is what I intend!

The day the heart gives up

Know that, I will be gone

Yes I will be gone, someday

Without a trace

And I will usurp you of me!

None of my writings will remain

Nothing to link you to me

But memories.. but they too will be gone

Just like I will someday

And that day you will think

You know not who I have been

And you will be farthest from the truth

And the truth will always elude you.
I will be gone someday.

 Gone without a trace

Somewhere, where you will never find me...

Yes I will be gone someday

And you will never know the real me,
Or the love that i harbor within...

Lonely

This is going to be a long sentimental post so if you are not in a mood to read a rant or be sensitive to my woes then id warn you to keep off...

I have had a certain someone tell me that i am selfish and i think only about myself as i am too careeristic, enough not to think of anyone but me. it has been more than 2 days since i was told this and it has still not left me. yes there was hurt and immense anguish and somewhere i tried to evaluate myself. today, thankfully is the only day we don't have an assignment in college. so since i was free i tried to steal sometime alone. now if you are in a hostel that too in a secluded place there are hardly anytime alone, for where ever you go you always bump into someone or the other.


i am in Bangalore, a place where hopefully all my childhood dreams will be realized. i am miles and miles away from home. where despite feeling homesick i can never even think of home because i am reminded of the cost at which i am where i am, and i can never burden my folks with my tales of missing home...I'm loving what i am doing now...though the work pressure is immense...i often feel challenged to come up with a better story idea, to perform my best all the time... and it is not only because it has been my dream, but because there are so many responsibilities on me. my parents who have allowed me to make my dreams come true.. and my dreams comes with a hefty sum of money for which i have to be responsible..moreover if i screw up... all those people who have underestimated me wins and i cant afford that.


it is sad when people don't know and don't try and understand you. but it is even sadder when people know and say they understand when they don't. the person who told me i am selfish does not know he is talking about, despite knowing me so well. here i am scared shit of being in a city i know nothing of, at all. i try and learn my way each time i am left alone in the city trying to rack my brains for a story idea which is not only worth reporting but which will be somewhat better than the rest. the pressure of outdoing myself, to perform my given task, to be innovative and to meet deadlines is too stressful for words, there are days when we go without much sleep, and the semester has not even started and they say this is just the beginning.


Each evening as the classes end and we take a breather for a few minutes before doing our assignments i steal sometime alone in nooks and crevices of deserted part of college so that i can be alone.it is there in my own little hideout where i look out into the horizon, where the sun sets far away, the wind ruffles my hair and all i can hear is the breeze swishing past and everywhere i look, all i see is miles and miles of greenery and not a soul in sight. one who says i only think of myself and nothing else, doesn't know how hard it is to be in a new place and not having a soul she is close to. where despite being in a crowd she is lonely. where not a soul understands her nor do they try and do so. where there is hardly someone she can talk, share and be herself with. where every time one takes a spoonful of food into her mouth, tears threaten to spill with the taste and quality of food. where the beds are too narrow for comfort. where every time you open your eyes into the night, you do so because either some one's phone is ringing or some one's alarm just went off and she is sleeping through it, or someone is just going bonkers and creating a racket. he who makes such comments has always lived in the comforts of home and does not know how hard it is to share a room with five other strangers trying to adjust. he surely doesn't know how fatiguing it is to do 9am-5pm classes, then assignments and then come home do the chores and yet wake up next morning at the crack of dawn without complaining to prepare herself for the news quiz....... he surely has no idea what it feels like lying in the bed sick with no-one to talk to, no one who can take care of her, or even offer her water to drink.


I feel homesick but i am trying to adjust to keep a smile on my face, not just because this is the life i want but because i can never quit because too many people, and their happiness and future depends on what i do and not just my life. i can quit breaking down under tremendous stress but i can never do it because i have too many people pinning their hopes on me, and too many people who expect me to fail...my life is no longer just mine.. it has never been so.... its utterly painful when people don't make an attempt to read between the lines, or to hear the unspoken words. and it hurts even more when someone you love is the same one who refuses to understand you, despite the trillions of things you do for him, despite the kind of hectic life you lead..

Mixed Bag of Events

lots been happening on my personal front. some real encouraging things and somethings that totally suck. but then life is all about its ups and downs and i just hate to dwell on negativity for too long because it gets to me :)

finally a very hectic two weeks of college just came to an end. now there is another two weeks of study leave and then semesters. yeah i cant wait to get it done and over with. because i really wanna move beyond the boundaries of JU :). the good news is, most of my results of class tests are out, and i am really happy about it, they are pretty decent and at last the hard work paid off. what more my last semester with my favorite prof [yeah i have had a crush on him since 1st semester] ended with me getting really good marks in his paper.yay! :D *blush* *blush*


hmm things really turned sour on one of the places i really find solace in.my blog. the joint blog turned into a battlefield of sorts with a post on me, trying to cheer me up. the post was maybe well intended. but i really cant stand distortion of my name, and the things that were written about me, which seemed nothing like who i am. this keeps happening with me, the moment i stand up for myself i loose friends. i mean don't i even have the right to react after being humiliated in a public forum? those people who wrote the post quit one by one. what can i say? this is a free world, they have a right to do what they want. but its funny how a trivial issue like this was handled. misunderstandings happen if there are many on board, but the trick is to understand not everyone is the same, to adjust and work together in harmony.i thought these people were on because they truly wanted to have fun and to spread good cheer. maybe they were never meant to be a part of it. Rock star's Lounge will move ahead nonetheless.

on happier thoughts.... children's day is coming up, and i plan to do something for my students... have gotten them gifts i just hope they like it... my niece will be over too so maybe i'll make a trip to the mall, which is long overdue. have you guys seem Roadside Romeo?? can a 7 yr old see the movie? i hope there is no adult content. :P

PS- i know this post surely doesn't sound too optimistic but im trying to look beyond things that depress me. please be patient, happy posts will surely come up :)

Why do we still care when we know perfectly well that, for that person you dont matter at all?

why does it hurt when i knew this would happen?

WHY?!!

I TRIED DADA BUT FAILED!
I CANT FORGET YOU
EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE MANAGED JUST FINE!