Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Transitioning...
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Scribblings
I have been home a little over a week and blogging has been on my mind ever since. But somehow i just couldn't make myself write. I wonder if i have anything more to offer to this place, this place has been instrumental in my life, both in my personal and professional life. This place became the one place where i could be me, where i went into incessant rants about my personal failings or achievements of issues i felt strongly about. But what took me back was that blogging gave me a leverage on my personal front. For the first time in life, during job interviews, I did not have to encounter quizzing eyes, when i told my HR that i blog, and have over 500 posts to my credit. it was then i realized what a world i had created for myself. I wonder why I feel this is important to say this, maybe its because I have not been able to give up on this space despite having nothing to offer.
On personal front life is messier than i had ever imagined. Not really a phase i'd like to rant about. For the first time in life probably i'm not sure of what i want. But in times of distress and immense personal strife one advantage is that I'm gonna earn doing what i love doing and what i do best: writing. However humble it may be, its a start; and i am grateful for that. Maybe this is what life had planned for me...
One of my learning's from this whole phase of transition, from a student to a professional is that
Sometimes its important in life to be selfish enough to fulfill your dreams and ambitions.. and not give it up for the supposed happiness of those you care most. Because life does not offer you opportunities each time and most often we live a life of regrets which does not really add to the happiness of our loved ones or ourselves.
Monday, April 05, 2010
Placement Season it is!
Imagine how thousands of people sit for interviews and out of them just a lucky few get selected or shortlisted. Some times i wonder if its a matter of luck or just skill? i think its a bit of both. Some just sit for a job interview and at their first attemptget through and others despite the skill fail to make it anywhere. The disappointment and stress that comes with this entire placement process just seems to drain everything out of me. the wait and anticipation for the half baked jobs to turn into reality is driving to my graves..whats with getting short listed and yet not making it anywhere? ALC got short listed but didn't make it... PA sat for it..but dint make it for obvious reasons:fell asleep....Reuters:got shortlisted among 9 out of 60... but they are looking for business journalist which i know nothing off... I'm not optimistic about my chances and i don't even want to go for it because getting this far the disappointment will be too much to bear...
This is one of those phases in your life which is the toughest. if not anything else, your patience is tested so is your nerve... and on this account i think i have been trained... somehow once this ordeal finishes all i want is to go back home, hopefully with some saving grace (with a job) and just sink into my bed and just unwind...home now is about a month away...and where on one hand it fills me with renewed energy to go on on the same hand i cant ignore the fact the time is ticking away. Master's Project, Beat reporting, assignments as well as the part time I'm doing is nearly killing me. even though the latter is pleasurable but the distance i have to travel kills me at the end of the day..and its not funny...
With less than a month to go.. i really wish something positive comes out of all the hard work i have put in... like Rudyard Kipling says...
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
Saturday, March 06, 2010
My first placement day !

Life has taken a new turn. we are now in the last leg of our course, specially with the placements proceedings beginning. Today Press Association came to our college to take the entrance test, this is the first company to visit us this year and that actually heightened the tension.
Like many others i opted to sit for the test, actually im sitting for almost all the companies that are coming without being pickey and choosey because after this course i need to get a job ASAP! :) What happened to me on my first placement day is something im not about to forget EVER!! i went to bed early and was having an undisturbed sleep for probably for the first time (since my noisiest roomie is away for the time being!) i thought the night would be peaceful but i woke up several times at night and thus i woke up tired and sleepy but because it was a placement day i willed myself to carry on with my chores! :(
The day began in the worst possible way. When i spotted the idli's for breakfast i should have known what was in store for me but i choose to be ignorant, and then i paid a price for it. i tripped and fell and dropped my morning cup of coffee, then embarrassed and extremely miserable i made my way to the shop for bread and omlette...after hogging i remembered that mom always forbade me to have eggs on the day of exam or anything important (call it superstitution or whatever! :P ) As if this wasnt already enough.. this PA made us wait for more than 3 hours to take the entrance test.. and that too when? during our lunch hour! damn them!
the test went fine and i finished my paper early and went back to hostel to eat. i changed into shorts and spaghetti and decided to take a nap after the long day but i kept wondering why my other roomies werent even there...an hour later my roomie walks in and asks me why i was absent during the second test! it was only then that i realized that I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE SECOND PART OF THE TEST COMPLETELY! then i called my prof begged him to let me sit for the test! i slipped on a tee and ran to the college to sit for the test! Sir was almost laughing at me, because i turned up disheveled and in shorts and tee and allowed me to sit for the test. somehow i finished the test in 15 minutes. i myself dont know what i wrote because i didnt even check my paper, i just managed to thrust the paper in the hands of the invigilator and run away to hide my face! by now the entire college knows i had forgotten about the test!! what an embarrassment!!! god!!
Of course i will make sure this is never repeated but the events that occurred during the course of the day has convinced me that this job at least is not meant for me.. hopefully something works out in the other projects that will come up.. that's all from my end as of now..tadaa!!
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Reflections!
Sometimes we are so busy trying to do the right that we forget to stop and analyze if we ourselves are doing the right thing. i wonder if it occurs to people or it even matters to them, if they are being fair to people? i know it matters to me if im being fair or if im doing the right thing. like my roommates can be insensitive enough to talk in loud voices disturbing my much needed sleep (which is giving me a hard time!) i try and ensure i don't make any noise when im up and about and others are still sleeping. many tell me, its tit for tat, but i like to do what i think as right. i would rather be in my world where i will weave happiness into my day to day life, to breed positivity rather than going out of my way to prove a point. No im not trying to be saintly here. but it matters that im being fair or not. most others i think care not. they don't want to look beyond whats obvious, to think what the other person would have said to a particular issue if given a chance. to hear whats not being said, to analyze what the silences could mean...
Something like that happened to me yesterday, i chose to keep to my silences. they say silence is golden but now im beginning to wonder if it is? maybe one must resort to vices to pave your way ahead... maybe its the only way...but until i can transform myself, and distort my reality and be someone i am not... i guess i will have a lot more to survive and lot more injustices to brave through...
Life is all about perception and a bit of critical thinking! Something which most of us lack. and maybe it will be a good thing if we try and apply at least some of it in our lives, because our actions, our views or mindset can affect someone and that may and may not be fair at all.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Loving being Me!
Rudyard Kipling in his famous poem IF says-
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
thats all on my end...
cya for now :)
Peace!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
INFJ
INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.
INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.
Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).
This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.
Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.
In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Busy life...

Sometimes life brings you at a cross road where you need to choose yourself over what you have always believed, felt and lived for. the decision to choose between one is excruciatingly painful, because until then the two roads was enmeshed into one whole. Choices, is something we all have to make in every walk of life. sometimes you allow you heart to rule your heart sometimes its just just the other way around. i choose a road which took me to me, a life of self respect leaving behind a life i had built. im proud i did that. sometimes it takes loosing someone to finally get a reality check in life. maybe it sounds silly.. but it took Samik somewhat months of staying apart to realize for himself what he truly wants... and when i had all the things i wanted served to me i thought it was only fair to give in... maybe this makes me sound so silly what with parting ways only to meet again..at least i wont live to regret what i have done.. nothing is worse than living life with regrets!
A part of me feels sad for a special friend who has truly proved how worthy he is as a friend and i will treasure him for lifelong!
so wassup at my end?
for starters im the Editor (again!! :( ) but this time for Bengali (regional) bulletin, last time i was the editor of the english bulletin which was far easy to handle! im worried sick because the last time my team members sabotaged my bulletin on purpose. thankfully we have a decent team, maybe we will manage something good in the end... and it promises to be fun...and we have trained our reporters to do P2C's (where the reporters say I'm Phoenix reporting for IIJNM Bangalore) in Bengali... its so cute the way our reporters (all non Bongs) trying to speak these few words in Bengali :P :) but tomorrow there will be a colossal amount of work what with translating around 21 stories, editing them and then going on air..will surely be an uphill task.
I hope you guys had a great Valentines day.. as for me for the first time in say 5 years i never felt anything.. i saw all my friends (couples) vegetating...it felt as if J-school sucked the life out of me.. apparently i was supposed to receive a parcel which decided not to turn up, even today :( damn!
im leaving for Taluk visits like i did in November last year. tons to do on that front too, because my degree depends on my masters project. the team is a terrible one, the same as the last time so i would have tons to put up with.. im planning life so that i don't have to spend more time than necessary there...
With life getting tougher... do look out at twitter updates for more on my life..
this is Phoenix signing off in true IIJNM ishtyle... :)
Sunday, February 07, 2010
Learning to say No
Well if you think you are the only one here's someone to keep you company. meet "me" yea you read it right. I'm the maha example of this. i just cant seem to make myself say "sorry but i really cant" "no not now maybe later?" "can you please ask someone else?" well this trait of mine has led me to many a situation where i had to do something i really dint want to. imagine few days back this girl came up to me and told me know what i have mehendi on my palms i cant really wash my hair will you just shampoo it for me. for once i did wonder why she didn't ask her room-mates instead of approaching me... but before i could say no i simply shrugged and i spent rest of the morning washing her hair *making a face* (there is a hair controversy with her .. )
Then again one day this girl's roomie comes up to me when i was watching a movie.. "hey can you please help me wax my arms i cant do it on my own" and i was like "hmm sure i will.. " and she was... okay come over now then.. and i was like WTF! but i did go along with her...leaving my movie unfinished.. these two incidents really shook me... i mean what kind of a dufus was i?!.. and then i went on damage control...
From then on whoever asked me for some help i made it a point to say 'no', no matter what. so when this girl P asked me if she could use the Mac i was using to copy footage while i was editing.. i just said no... when M asked me if she could borrow my hard drive i definitely told her no.. but saying no did land me in some sort of a fix because when my professor asked me to fetch a book for her from the library i blatantly told her "no" !! but of course i managed to rectify my stand before she got pissed...
so the moral of the story is... Learn to say no but first see who the person is in front of you..unless you want to be kicked where it hurts the most! :)
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tragedy of Life
So when we actually tell the truth
no-one believes it!
P.S-I had meant the previous post to be funny and sarcy but apparently it came out as a bitter post. truly not what i had intended. apologies...
