Tragedy of Life

Often when we lie we lose our credibility,
So when we actually tell the truth
no-one believes it!

P.S-I had meant the previous post to be funny and sarcy but apparently it came out as a bitter post. truly not what i had intended. apologies...

Obituary

Often when someone does, pain and loss makes you want to carve words out of beautiful memories of the deceased. But i write at the sheer meaningless nature of 'what was'.

It began exactly 5 years ago with a phone call. it was 19 Th of January 2005. that fateful day two virtual friends consolidated their friendship over a mere phone call.. what followed was, many more phone calls over 6 months, until the final step was taken. Thus 'Relationship' as we fondly call It was born.

Birth and death are two facets of life. if you are born you are fated to die. when or how you will die is never in our hands but when 'relationship' died it was because one had become tired of trying while the other couldn't care less. So we lost our beloved 'Relationship' to a not so painful death, probably 'It' was preparing itself for the end to happen, and when it did come she surrendered without a fight.

Relationship is survived by two of "Its" extensions (though two of them don't co exist anymore) One is a healthy female given to bouts of anger, tears and normalcy with regular succession. the other is (a worthless) male who is stunned (unaware of what happened and why, as usual) He continues to see comfort in a child like way in the arms of his creator and his failings; choosing not to assume responsibility for his actions.lets just blame it on his stunted mental growth and forgive him, because forgiveness as Oscar Wilde says "Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much". Moreover by forgiving we earn a ticket to heaven, or we would have had a chance encounter with him hell! *shudder* *shudder*

Good it was while the effort existed. Died with the lack of it and mental imbalance of one man. Its presence will be mourned by one who truly valued It, until the next one comes along (you didn't except me not to move on did you?! :) )

This is what Relationship would have said if It could from its grave... It would lament that undeserving individuals who are desperate to be "cool" welcome It without having basic qualifications (brains, maturity and the guts to stand up for the choices they make). I assure you, It told me this wasn't me.. Before Relationship breathed Its last... It said It wanted to live longer if only the "alpha male had been a man enough...alas!

As one of the key extensions of our late 'Relationship" i wish i could spare a word or too about my EX. However, his failures and lack of credibility has handicapped my social skills. do forgive me, i cannot rise about the injustices done to me to tell lies about a man who is not worthy to be categorized such. lairs, cheaters, manipulators and losers just do not deserve the slightest mention... i hope my shortcomings and rudeness will be forgiven, for it hardly holds water when compared to my EX. thanks in advance ( for the forgiveness of course! :))

RIP Relationship. May you never happen to those who donot value you, despite learning the lesson twice over. Peace!

6 months in Namma Bengaluroo..

I came to Bangalore on the 18Th of July 2009 and its been 6 months since...6 months in an unknown city .. okay now somewhat known.. its nothing short of a wonder really... there i was 6 months back shuddering to even think of a life apart from life in Kolkata..the very thought of moving out sent chills down my spine..and now I'm settled in, and 'this' seems like life now. god! its something i cant even begin to comprehend.. so how was it?

i dint want to sulk..saying naah! Bangalore doesn't seem like home.. of course it isn't... i know it took me time to understand this.. i have now come to accept it instead of warring with it.. so now it seems nice.. i have hardly seen Bangalore despite residing in this place for like 6 months... but hey the best part of being here studying Journalism is.. i get to go to places [very reluctantly] but hell it makes me not only know the places but there are places i know by heart. i confess i really have to memorize the streets in case i got lost. :) but the best part of this lease of life is, i roam about anonymously. when tears pour down my cheeks there is no one here to question it... if i smile it goes unnoticed.. i blend in with the crowd... i feel lost but even loneliness feels great. it gives me space to just "be"... my realities are back home.. to escape them Bangalore is a perfect hideout.. i lost much ever since im here..but the scenic beauty, the calmness that surrounds this place called Kumbulgudu [that's where i stay in Bangalore.. okay not Bangalore..off Mysore highway] really heals me... i lay there on the terrace staring at the clear sky without a sense of time.. its sort of therapeutic.. i have learnt to live on my own.. to bring my home, my world to where i am... longing is there.. but i have made peace with life.. i have decided to make the most of the next 4 months and I'm even open to maybe adopt Bangalore as my future home.. :)

life is constantly changing, so is the world around us.. maybe it is time i do too... :)

Tagged

I was tagged in Fb by Anwesa but im doing this here... :) ya you guessed it right.. i didnt have much to write here :P


Rules:
Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.

1.What is your current obsession?
Thinking about S

2. What are you wearing today?
My favorite Black top

3. What’s for dinner?
Chicken hopefully

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
recharge

5. What are you listening to right now?
people furiously punching the keys on their keyboards

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
a sweetheart

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Paris/Shankarpur..


8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
sunglasses, sun block, umbrella, lots of cotton tops/kurtas


9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Home

10. Which language do you want to learn?
as of now Kannada


11. What’s your favourite quote?
tough times dont last, tough people do

12. Who do you want to meet right now ?
Samik

13. What is your favourite colour?
Blue

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own closet?
yellow tee that reads.. "everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die.. given to me by Samik

15. What is your dream job?
doing what i do best, get paid for it in a firm of repute

16. What’s your favourite magazine?
not a magazine person..

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
$100* 45= Rs 4500... will spend it on buying a digital photoframe.. wanna gift it

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
bad colour combo..

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?
duh im not really knowledgeable about fashion

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
tons of Layers



21. What are you going to do after this?
hmm think of a worthwhile post to post next...

22. What are your favorite movies?
all sappy rom cops..been devouring them by dozens lately

23.How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?
around 15

24. What inspires you?
hmm i inspire myself

25. 3 styling tips that always work for you.

less is more
subtle is the key
comfy yet casual

26. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?

oo i never have one of those days...

27.. Coffee or tea?

Definitely Coffee

28. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?

just let my mind wander

30. Which other blogs do you love visiting?

all those who are on my blog roll, they are really impressive..

31. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?

anything to do with chocolate

32. Favorite Season?

hmm im a rain person :)

33. If I come to your house now, what would you cook for me?

depends on what you are in a mood to eat...im a pretty good chef



34. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?

let them go

35. What are you afraid of the most ?

Failures

36:What brings a smile on your face instantly ?
memories of happier times...photographs..old letters, cards.. flowers that are preserved with care..

37:What makes me the most sad?
people just dont seem to want to look beyond what is obvious


38: What would you do,if I die the next moment?

write an obituary?! lol! just kidding.. may god grant many many more years of life :)

If you like this tag do take it up :) its rather fun!

A penny for my thoughts..

How does it feel to rip out a part of you that was you once held dear but which had since then become dead and decayed? Since it deserved to be amputated, i did so without remorse. I will be with the one who values me and not the one with empty words. this is it! over!

Musings

When you fall on your back,
there is just one way out: UP

Sorry haven't been able to read and comment but will do so this Sunday! :) tadaa for now..

This N That

I'm back to Bangalore. Came back yesterday. no matter how much i reasoned with myself i could hardly control the tears that rolled down as the flight took the runway. i made an utter fool of myself as the Steward [ a real hunk!] stopped during the security demonstration to peer closely at me and i squeezed my eyes shut firmly as if to block him out. maybe that's why he was more courteous to me while serving my coffee! :P

it was so tough getting back to hostel. i just wanted to cry like a 10 year old, that i wanted to go back home. with a heavy heart and throbbing head i set forward unpacking. god! hated it all! but the best part of it was my friend dropped in and told me those magical words and i couldn't help but smile "125 more days to go home.. Cheer up!" mom and dad had packed me sandwiches and pastries for the journey which i had in my break today.. and felt heavenly.. everything i do.. the craving for home in my heart never ceases...

on college front, tons has been happening.. i missed out 2 tests yesterday..and 3 more to take tomorrow...yes that means i should be studying now and I'm blogging..trust me there is no guilt but sinful pleasure. jokes apart, this time i have promised i ll take interest and enjoy what I'm doing, i didn't do that before..work wasn't as good as it should be.. and yes no more negative attitude this time for sure! :) will make the most of these 125 days.. make that 124 tomorrow morning! :) :D

O yea i miss Samik.. i know i should not given the current circumstance...the feeling never leaves me.. i wish he had tried... he proved me how it was so worth it..things would have been so different.. so fulfilling..if only.. sigh! :|

Home sick... yea to say the least but have much to do... test tomorrow...just dropped in to say hi! :)
tadaaaaa

did i tell you Journo Schools drive you to your grave?.. okay gotta really go.. :)

Changing times..

There are times you actually have to let go
to selfishly put yourself before others
to realize,that however good it is, it wont work
to have courage to hear the voice of reason;
amidst a din of the heart that weakens you
it is then time to steel yourself and
do what you know is right,
even if the result is far from happy.
tears and longing will try and weaken your resolve
solitude will break your heart.
no matter how difficult it is, the final step should be taken

So What's New?!

God! how i wish i was the cool chick who is oh so hot! who has an attitude to flaunt, a life to live.. in short hot and happening! here i am boring me. struggling in the race of life, no colour whatsoever and no attitude to flaunt! but heck! I'm me isn't it! and just because i don't have a thing doesn't mean i cant right? so it brings me to that point where i make resolutions..


are you wondering, why make resolutions when you will not keep it? Dude.. i make resolutions and i make them turn true you know ..ahaan! :) don't roll your eyes now... :P :)

• I'm gonna take pride in myself and my accomplishments.. and will gain my confidence back and walk tall...
• people will make me feel like a dimwit [ o yea they have] i will turn up my nose at them.. and tell them to F***k O*F! or Kiss My A$$!!
• Will stop being Uptight and ease out!
• Will take failures and disappointments in my stride...most importantly will forgive myself.
• Will channelize my energies..
• Will Blog!!! and get back to the two people who have struck by me, through thick and thin and did not abandon me in favour for newer friends..they were there no matter what!! Anwesa and Nikhil... a promise made and will be keep! no more hibernation!!
• Will put in my all for the one this i need desperately JOB!!

Now for the hopes and prayers of this new year...

The last year has been pretty rough on my parents.. they have proven just how much parents really do for their kids..my parents put me and my comfort before their own needs.. and this year i hope and pray i can make them proud by overcoming my not so great grades, get a job so that i can give them all that they deserve and more. not only do i owe it to them but because it pains me to see how much they do to provide me a decent life. its time unhappiness and hardship makes a move, paving way for some comfort and happiness to reign!

Since I'm in an asking mood... God please please.. first give me a job... and second give me a job in Kolkata please...i miss home and not a day passes when i don't long to come back..let me be where i have sent 21 years of my life.. please please..getting a job would be superb but a job in Kolkata would be a cherry on the cake!! please make my life! :) :P

With such a huge list i think Mister God must have logged out of his prayer inbox already :P anyway.. how was your 31st? new year resolutions in 2010??

P.S- I'm planning to change my template of the blog..can you guys suggest good templates/widgets etc? any suggestions is always welcome!!

Chalo let's go..

"Jani phuriye jabey jani..amader ai chelebelay

tobu ankre dhorey rekho tumi tomar joubon..

tobu hoy toh theke jabey amader gaan taniya"

i know someday our youth will diminish...yet cling to those times, maybe someday our song will remain taniya..

I had gone away with pain and anger seething in my heart. i could never really forget or forgive the episode. i nurtured the pain in me for almost a year now. but this time not anymore, i let go of it all. with a new year, i embrace newer challenges, newer opportunities; i will think not of what has happened but of what can happen. the pain is just too much to bear and carry forward and i refuse to crave for acceptance, of being validated. I've been craving for it too long and after a year of it, i don't think it is worth it, i don't think they are worth it either. i am who i am, and i refuse to bow my head and take on humiliation and insult dished out to me. Every human being deserves respect and right to be the way they are, and if to get acceptance and recognition you need to alter yourself, put the things that made you the person who are; then i don't crave for it at all. i know if i don't forgive Them and move on i can never really be me. i need to tell myself i don't need Them to tell me i exist for me to really exist. i can manage just being me, i have trodden alone and if need be i can do so without assistance. but i will have no more of a life, where i cant walk tall.for it, if i have to let go of my claim to something i hold dear, i will but no more of humiliation and pain. a new year warrants a new beginning and i deserve respect. i wont languish in pain but move ahead leaving behind the pain of the past. i let go.. i forgive Them..

"onek jontronao jabey phuriye akdin

kotoo bharakranto mon jabey juriyebakdin

keu hothat shanti khujey abey kuriye akdin..

somoy...somoy....

jotoi akre thaki somoy..hather mutho khuley jitey hobey akdin.. "

A lot of pain will get over one day...burdened mind will be eased one day..peace will be found one day...time..however much we cling to time..one has to open their fist someday and let it all go..time...

P.S- Lyrics are from a movie called Madly Bangali..one of my fav's

Wishing you all..

Happy and Prosperous New year!!