My first placement day !

Life has taken a new turn. we are now in the last leg of our course, specially with the placements proceedings beginning. Today Press Association came to our college to take the entrance test, this is the first company to visit us this year and that actually heightened the tension.

Like many others i opted to sit for the test, actually im sitting for almost all the companies that are coming without being pickey and choosey because after this course i need to get a job ASAP! :) What happened to me on my first placement day is something im not about to forget EVER!! i went to bed early and was having an undisturbed sleep for probably for the first time (since my noisiest roomie is away for the time being!) i thought the night would be peaceful but i woke up several times at night and thus i woke up tired and sleepy but because it was a placement day i willed myself to carry on with my chores! :(

The day began in the worst possible way. When i spotted the idli's for breakfast i should have known what was in store for me but i choose to be ignorant, and then i paid a price for it. i tripped and fell and dropped my morning cup of coffee, then embarrassed and extremely miserable i made my way to the shop for bread and omlette...after hogging i remembered that mom always forbade me to have eggs on the day of exam or anything important (call it superstitution or whatever! :P ) As if this wasnt already enough.. this PA made us wait for more than 3 hours to take the entrance test.. and that too when? during our lunch hour! damn them!
the test went fine and i finished my paper early and went back to hostel to eat. i changed into shorts and spaghetti and decided to take a nap after the long day but i kept wondering why my other roomies werent even there...an hour later my roomie walks in and asks me why i was absent during the second test! it was only then that i realized that I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE SECOND PART OF THE TEST COMPLETELY! then i called my prof begged him to let me sit for the test! i slipped on a tee and ran to the college to sit for the test! Sir was almost laughing at me, because i turned up disheveled and in shorts and tee and allowed me to sit for the test. somehow i finished the test in 15 minutes. i myself dont know what i wrote because i didnt even check my paper, i just managed to thrust the paper in the hands of the invigilator and run away to hide my face! by now the entire college knows i had forgotten about the test!! what an embarrassment!!! god!!

Of course i will make sure this is never repeated but the events that occurred during the course of the day has convinced me that this job at least is not meant for me.. hopefully something works out in the other projects that will come up.. that's all from my end as of now..tadaa!!

Reflections!

As journalists we are taught to look beyond the obvious. To hear the muted voices... to critically analyze, to first be apprehensive and then judge for yourself what we want to believe, what we must believe. The sad part of the deal is IIJNM with their esteemed faculty does not practice what they preach. they may be stalwarts in their profession but they fail to put into application what they want us all to adopt in life.

Sometimes we are so busy trying to do the right that we forget to stop and analyze if we ourselves are doing the right thing. i wonder if it occurs to people or it even matters to them, if they are being fair to people? i know it matters to me if im being fair or if im doing the right thing. like my roommates can be insensitive enough to talk in loud voices disturbing my much needed sleep (which is giving me a hard time!) i try and ensure i don't make any noise when im up and about and others are still sleeping. many tell me, its tit for tat, but i like to do what i think as right. i would rather be in my world where i will weave happiness into my day to day life, to breed positivity rather than going out of my way to prove a point. No im not trying to be saintly here. but it matters that im being fair or not. most others i think care not. they don't want to look beyond whats obvious, to think what the other person would have said to a particular issue if given a chance. to hear whats not being said, to analyze what the silences could mean...

Something like that happened to me yesterday, i chose to keep to my silences. they say silence is golden but now im beginning to wonder if it is? maybe one must resort to vices to pave your way ahead... maybe its the only way...but until i can transform myself, and distort my reality and be someone i am not... i guess i will have a lot more to survive and lot more injustices to brave through...

Life is all about perception and a bit of critical thinking! Something which most of us lack. and maybe it will be a good thing if we try and apply at least some of it in our lives, because our actions, our views or mindset can affect someone and that may and may not be fair at all.

Loving being Me!

When you stay from home you value it more than anything..Nostalgia has gripped me in a vice like grip and somehow i just cant shake this homesickness off me.. I've been missing home and loved ones like crazy...maybe its a phase.. i just cant wait for this course to come to an end... just 61 days to go and the wait seems unbearable!

Rudyard Kipling in his famous poem IF says-

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Finally im back from the taluk's got my work done in just 3 days... and just ran for my life... its so nice and peaceful at the hostel...no noise..and peace and quiet ..had an amazing sleep last night.. lazzed around all day today! :) was in absolute bliss....dont know how long this will last... Twitter/FB are taking revenge (as Anwesa says) i cant seem to update anything... :( at the moment im loving being on my own..spending time with myself.. its really refreshing specially because from next week the pressure will only increase...starting with mid semester review then working on Master's project..placement week...and then there is Samik's visit..which im absolutely looking forward too..what a deserving break it will! god cant wait...

thats all on my end...

cya for now :)

Peace!

INFJ

I'm INFJ according to MBTI test .. what type are you? not just some other personality test... its a psychometric test which allows you to understand yourself better...check it out.. its fun... click here

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, in fact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing and are so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time to rebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of these may lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complex type. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

Busy life...

Sometimes life brings you at a cross road where you need to choose yourself over what you have always believed, felt and lived for. the decision to choose between one is excruciatingly painful, because until then the two roads was enmeshed into one whole. Choices, is something we all have to make in every walk of life. sometimes you allow you heart to rule your heart sometimes its just just the other way around. i choose a road which took me to me, a life of self respect leaving behind a life i had built. im proud i did that. sometimes it takes loosing someone to finally get a reality check in life. maybe it sounds silly.. but it took Samik somewhat months of staying apart to realize for himself what he truly wants... and when i had all the things i wanted served to me i thought it was only fair to give in... maybe this makes me sound so silly what with parting ways only to meet again..at least i wont live to regret what i have done.. nothing is worse than living life with regrets!

A part of me feels sad for a special friend who has truly proved how worthy he is as a friend and i will treasure him for lifelong!

so wassup at my end?

for starters im the Editor (again!! :( ) but this time for Bengali (regional) bulletin, last time i was the editor of the english bulletin which was far easy to handle! im worried sick because the last time my team members sabotaged my bulletin on purpose. thankfully we have a decent team, maybe we will manage something good in the end... and it promises to be fun...and we have trained our reporters to do P2C's (where the reporters say I'm Phoenix reporting for IIJNM Bangalore) in Bengali... its so cute the way our reporters (all non Bongs) trying to speak these few words in Bengali :P :) but tomorrow there will be a colossal amount of work what with translating around 21 stories, editing them and then going on air..will surely be an uphill task.

I hope you guys had a great Valentines day.. as for me for the first time in say 5 years i never felt anything.. i saw all my friends (couples) vegetating...it felt as if J-school sucked the life out of me.. apparently i was supposed to receive a parcel which decided not to turn up, even today :( damn!

im leaving for Taluk visits like i did in November last year. tons to do on that front too, because my degree depends on my masters project. the team is a terrible one, the same as the last time so i would have tons to put up with.. im planning life so that i don't have to spend more time than necessary there...

With life getting tougher... do look out at twitter updates for more on my life..

this is Phoenix signing off in true IIJNM ishtyle... :)

Learning to say No

How many times has it happened to you, when someone came up to you and asked you something that would totally inconvenience you and you could not help but agree. why? all because you cant say "no"

Well if you think you are the only one here's someone to keep you company. meet "me" yea you read it right. I'm the maha example of this. i just cant seem to make myself say "sorry but i really cant" "no not now maybe later?" "can you please ask someone else?" well this trait of mine has led me to many a situation where i had to do something i really dint want to. imagine few days back this girl came up to me and told me know what i have mehendi on my palms i cant really wash my hair will you just shampoo it for me. for once i did wonder why she didn't ask her room-mates instead of approaching me... but before i could say no i simply shrugged and i spent rest of the morning washing her hair *making a face* (there is a hair controversy with her .. )

Then again one day this girl's roomie comes up to me when i was watching a movie.. "hey can you please help me wax my arms i cant do it on my own" and i was like "hmm sure i will.. " and she was... okay come over now then.. and i was like WTF! but i did go along with her...leaving my movie unfinished.. these two incidents really shook me... i mean what kind of a dufus was i?!.. and then i went on damage control...

From then on whoever asked me for some help i made it a point to say 'no', no matter what. so when this girl P asked me if she could use the Mac i was using to copy footage while i was editing.. i just said no... when M asked me if she could borrow my hard drive i definitely told her no.. but saying no did land me in some sort of a fix because when my professor asked me to fetch a book for her from the library i blatantly told her "no" !! but of course i managed to rectify my stand before she got pissed...

so the moral of the story is... Learn to say no but first see who the person is in front of you..unless you want to be kicked where it hurts the most! :)

Tragedy of Life

Often when we lie we lose our credibility,
So when we actually tell the truth
no-one believes it!

P.S-I had meant the previous post to be funny and sarcy but apparently it came out as a bitter post. truly not what i had intended. apologies...

Obituary

Often when someone does, pain and loss makes you want to carve words out of beautiful memories of the deceased. But i write at the sheer meaningless nature of 'what was'.

It began exactly 5 years ago with a phone call. it was 19 Th of January 2005. that fateful day two virtual friends consolidated their friendship over a mere phone call.. what followed was, many more phone calls over 6 months, until the final step was taken. Thus 'Relationship' as we fondly call It was born.

Birth and death are two facets of life. if you are born you are fated to die. when or how you will die is never in our hands but when 'relationship' died it was because one had become tired of trying while the other couldn't care less. So we lost our beloved 'Relationship' to a not so painful death, probably 'It' was preparing itself for the end to happen, and when it did come she surrendered without a fight.

Relationship is survived by two of "Its" extensions (though two of them don't co exist anymore) One is a healthy female given to bouts of anger, tears and normalcy with regular succession. the other is (a worthless) male who is stunned (unaware of what happened and why, as usual) He continues to see comfort in a child like way in the arms of his creator and his failings; choosing not to assume responsibility for his actions.lets just blame it on his stunted mental growth and forgive him, because forgiveness as Oscar Wilde says "Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much". Moreover by forgiving we earn a ticket to heaven, or we would have had a chance encounter with him hell! *shudder* *shudder*

Good it was while the effort existed. Died with the lack of it and mental imbalance of one man. Its presence will be mourned by one who truly valued It, until the next one comes along (you didn't except me not to move on did you?! :) )

This is what Relationship would have said if It could from its grave... It would lament that undeserving individuals who are desperate to be "cool" welcome It without having basic qualifications (brains, maturity and the guts to stand up for the choices they make). I assure you, It told me this wasn't me.. Before Relationship breathed Its last... It said It wanted to live longer if only the "alpha male had been a man enough...alas!

As one of the key extensions of our late 'Relationship" i wish i could spare a word or too about my EX. However, his failures and lack of credibility has handicapped my social skills. do forgive me, i cannot rise about the injustices done to me to tell lies about a man who is not worthy to be categorized such. lairs, cheaters, manipulators and losers just do not deserve the slightest mention... i hope my shortcomings and rudeness will be forgiven, for it hardly holds water when compared to my EX. thanks in advance ( for the forgiveness of course! :))

RIP Relationship. May you never happen to those who donot value you, despite learning the lesson twice over. Peace!

6 months in Namma Bengaluroo..

I came to Bangalore on the 18Th of July 2009 and its been 6 months since...6 months in an unknown city .. okay now somewhat known.. its nothing short of a wonder really... there i was 6 months back shuddering to even think of a life apart from life in Kolkata..the very thought of moving out sent chills down my spine..and now I'm settled in, and 'this' seems like life now. god! its something i cant even begin to comprehend.. so how was it?

i dint want to sulk..saying naah! Bangalore doesn't seem like home.. of course it isn't... i know it took me time to understand this.. i have now come to accept it instead of warring with it.. so now it seems nice.. i have hardly seen Bangalore despite residing in this place for like 6 months... but hey the best part of being here studying Journalism is.. i get to go to places [very reluctantly] but hell it makes me not only know the places but there are places i know by heart. i confess i really have to memorize the streets in case i got lost. :) but the best part of this lease of life is, i roam about anonymously. when tears pour down my cheeks there is no one here to question it... if i smile it goes unnoticed.. i blend in with the crowd... i feel lost but even loneliness feels great. it gives me space to just "be"... my realities are back home.. to escape them Bangalore is a perfect hideout.. i lost much ever since im here..but the scenic beauty, the calmness that surrounds this place called Kumbulgudu [that's where i stay in Bangalore.. okay not Bangalore..off Mysore highway] really heals me... i lay there on the terrace staring at the clear sky without a sense of time.. its sort of therapeutic.. i have learnt to live on my own.. to bring my home, my world to where i am... longing is there.. but i have made peace with life.. i have decided to make the most of the next 4 months and I'm even open to maybe adopt Bangalore as my future home.. :)

life is constantly changing, so is the world around us.. maybe it is time i do too... :)

Tagged

I was tagged in Fb by Anwesa but im doing this here... :) ya you guessed it right.. i didnt have much to write here :P


Rules:
Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.

1.What is your current obsession?
Thinking about S

2. What are you wearing today?
My favorite Black top

3. What’s for dinner?
Chicken hopefully

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
recharge

5. What are you listening to right now?
people furiously punching the keys on their keyboards

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
a sweetheart

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
Paris/Shankarpur..


8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
sunglasses, sun block, umbrella, lots of cotton tops/kurtas


9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Home

10. Which language do you want to learn?
as of now Kannada


11. What’s your favourite quote?
tough times dont last, tough people do

12. Who do you want to meet right now ?
Samik

13. What is your favourite colour?
Blue

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own closet?
yellow tee that reads.. "everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die.. given to me by Samik

15. What is your dream job?
doing what i do best, get paid for it in a firm of repute

16. What’s your favourite magazine?
not a magazine person..

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
$100* 45= Rs 4500... will spend it on buying a digital photoframe.. wanna gift it

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
bad colour combo..

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?
duh im not really knowledgeable about fashion

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
tons of Layers



21. What are you going to do after this?
hmm think of a worthwhile post to post next...

22. What are your favorite movies?
all sappy rom cops..been devouring them by dozens lately

23.How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?
around 15

24. What inspires you?
hmm i inspire myself

25. 3 styling tips that always work for you.

less is more
subtle is the key
comfy yet casual

26. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?

oo i never have one of those days...

27.. Coffee or tea?

Definitely Coffee

28. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?

just let my mind wander

30. Which other blogs do you love visiting?

all those who are on my blog roll, they are really impressive..

31. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?

anything to do with chocolate

32. Favorite Season?

hmm im a rain person :)

33. If I come to your house now, what would you cook for me?

depends on what you are in a mood to eat...im a pretty good chef



34. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?

let them go

35. What are you afraid of the most ?

Failures

36:What brings a smile on your face instantly ?
memories of happier times...photographs..old letters, cards.. flowers that are preserved with care..

37:What makes me the most sad?
people just dont seem to want to look beyond what is obvious


38: What would you do,if I die the next moment?

write an obituary?! lol! just kidding.. may god grant many many more years of life :)

If you like this tag do take it up :) its rather fun!