Jennifer Aniston: Famous Quotes Tag

Saw this tag on Ria's Blog and wanted to take it up for fun... 

1. “A relationship isn't going to make me survive. It's the cherry on top.” 

What part of your life do you consider “the cherry on the top”?

To have loved with my very being and that there are no regrets.

2. “I almost resent the whole fashion thing. Good God - never wearing the same thing twice and all of those things. It's a pain in the ass.” 

How much does fashion impact your life?

I wear what I feel comfortable in. My clothes are an extension of who I am.

3. “I've gone for each type: the rough guy; the nerdy, sweet, lovable guy; and the slick guy. I don't really have a type. Men in general are a good thing.” 

What’s your type?

My type is the rough and lovable guy rolled into one. A guy who holds his own and yet is loving and affectionate.

4. “Once you figure out who you are and what you love about yourself, I think it all kinda falls into place.” 

Do you still learn new things about yourself?

Yes, every day. I dont think i really know who i am as i am constantly evolving.

5. “The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain.” 

Have you ever had your heart broken? If yes, how did you get over it?

Its all about telling your self, that it is okay to be hurting, to break down time and again but what is most important is to remind you that you have to get up and keep walking.

6. “There are no regrets in life, just lessons.” 

What is the most recent “life lesson” that you have figured out?

Never let your emotions rule your life, strike a balance between your head and heart.

7. “ Try to really follow what it is that you want to do and what your heart is telling you to do.” 

Have you ever gone against what your heart told you to do?

Well I have followed my heart, got my heart broken but i realized I'd rather get my heart broken then miss out on some good experience.

8. “The ultimate is finding a place where you have no inhibitions, nothing to hide, where you can learn with one another.” 

Do you have any inhibitions when you are in love with someone?

With the person i love i have never had any inhibitions because i believe in giving 100% to the person i am committed to.

9. “Life can be dramatic and funny all in the same day!” 

What is something that happened recently in your life that you found extremely funny?

Isnt it funny how we choose to be in certain situations and then cry and fret over it... Happens with me all the time.

10. “The first time I kissed Brad my knees went weak - I literally lost my breath!” 

Have you ever kissed someone and your knees went weak?

Happens with me all the time... each and every kiss..whether it is a goodbye kiss before you leave for work, for a sneaky kiss or that long kiss which celebrate a moment.

So I had a ball writing this one... Take it up if you enjoyed reading this... 

Beginning to an end... and another beginning?!!

Over the last couple of years I have tried to make this place what it used to be at one time. A happy place, a place to express my creativity, share my joys, express what I am going through. But somewhere down the line I have realized with time I have evolved, so has my life. I am not who I used to be. Most often I have found myself turning to this place time and again to write, to scribble; I could never really give up. Its been 6 years... and I keep finding my way back, I guess what I was actually doing was holding on to that part of me which was happy, sorted and a lot saner.

I am about to enter of the most life changing phases of my life. The impending darkness makes it hard to breathe but I knew it would be there all along.. I knew that this day will come so maybe that is why there was no surprise, the pain never got reflected in my expression, the way I carried myself or the things I did. I know this is where the real struggle in life begins, when I will watch people whom I have loved with my life walk away from me leaving behind a void...

The journey ahead will be dark, unhappy and marred with immense pain and if I can bring myself up to expressing, this place will probably the only place where I will confide my feelings. I dont expect you to be sympathetic, I dont expect you to read me, and I will be fine if you choose to distance yourself from the negativity. Goes without saying that I would appreciate if you are around, just there reading me, it would mean that I made sense to at least someone.... I wont answer questions as to what went wrong, I wont explain but I will be there... so make your exit while you still can... and if you choose to stay...I'd really value that..more than what words can say.

I’m Fine

Is it necessary to be happy at all times? Can there not be a phase where you are neither happy nor sad but just existing? I agree,while it may not be the ideal situation to be in. But then ideal is a myth. So, I have been given to writing or penning down my thoughts in this blog when despair and hurt strikes me the most as I find writing is the best way to cope with it. But like everything it’s a phase, and I am fine.

A Gentleman the other day hopped onto this blog and feasted on the contents like a vulture feeds on the dead. The instant conclusion that the stalker came to was that, here is this girl who is pained and is carrying around a lot of grief and if I am sympathetic then she would eventually go out with me. Notice the reference here is the word “stalker”. Well I know how it appears to most of who read me but this is just to let you know, I may cry, may break down but I dust myself and keep walking, like any other person. I stumble, I fall, I keep walking on… and I am fine! At the end of the day, I don't crave for company, I don't feel the need to share, I am proud of being where I am today and  I appreciate the journey that got me here… I am fine. 

It is always good to have someone to love, but I have had my share of it and I know I don't want it anymore, I am fine just the way I am. I have made mistakes in life but I have learned to live with it. And in the end, I value the lessons learnt along in the way.. I learnt and I learnt it the hard way, but I have no regrets and I am fine!

Even though its not as frequent as before, but I still smile at kids, I laugh at jokes, I try and have a good time and I am fine. I read a lot, I am always hooked onto music, I go for walks, cook something new now and then. I pamper myself, go out with friends, I keep in touch with loved ones and do things that make me truly happy, and I am genuinely fine.

My blog is just a platform to express and not all are expressions that come from experience, but some are essentially a thought often inspired from life and is meant to be consumed in a literary way. You can judge the writer behind these posts. But if I was a frequent reader here, who knew me, I’d know that the person who writes this has enough spunk to survive hardships and trudge along. For those who are here just to know more about Phoenix, I am fine, and I don’t need your pity or your efforts to give me a better life.  

I'm fine are you?

Make him feel

Dear God

Make him feel the same things as she does

Let him feel the anguish

Of loving someone

Yet know the pain of sharing her

Let him feel torn inside

Each time he imagines

Her smiling at someone

The same way as she used to at him.

Hands touching her, which are not his.

Make him miss her

So much that it hurts

Even when she is right there beside him

Just the way she misses him

Everyday.

Let him wake up each day

Hurting, knowing that,

It may be their last day together.

The same way as she does.

Day in, day out.

Let him drift off to sleep

Knowing that tomorrow

She will lie in the loving arms

Of the one who will truly values her.

Let him cringe in pain.

Let him reminisce

Old times of fun and laughter

And wince in pain

Knowing that those days are now replaced

With someone who loves and cherishes her.

Let the pain

Be a constant reminder of

All those times when she reached out

And he had scorned her.

Let him feel the rejection too.

Let him feel her absence

Realizing her source of joy

Is no longer him

She smiles but at someone

who is not him.

Let him burn

Imagining her nursing

A child, who is not his

Let him seek salvation

But never find it

For he had wronged her.

For all those times he had wronged her,

Let him feel the rejection

And realize how unworthy he was of her love

Every time he saw her happy

In the arms of the man who truly loves her

Let him feel the loss

Let him feel the pain

Let him burn inside

Let him realize the wrongs

he had subjected her to

Let him value her

For all that she was

Knowing that he has lost her forever

Avenge her hurt and pain

And make her whole again!

Echoes...

I look out at the city skyline stretched out in front of me. Tall buildings...twinkling lights...flights taking off or touching down nearby... cars below zip by...I look up at the moon.. the moon which is a steady companion...Soon it will be time to go home... to you. Thoughts reoccur and I am reminded of a lost time. An evening like today, except in a different place: after a hard day at work, I would stand drinking a cup of coffee staring at the moon, wondering how the sky, the stars and the moon were the only link that connected me to you, across the distance that stood between us. I used to wonder if my thought brought a smile on your face like before, if your eyes still twinkled when you smiled, those creases forming making you look even more endearing.... Tears would fill my eyes and a dull ache would spread all over me, numbing me. The thought that I may never set my eyes on you, that I’d probably always long and ache for you.. made me despair about love. That day, I never conceived that there would be a day when I’d wake up beside you, and fall asleep in your arms; and yet feel incomplete.

I observe quietly, I cry silent tears, I hope against hope, that we could make this moment count... I suffer, I take in the pain... looking beyond the troubles in fear of tomorrow that will not see us together, again. I hope you would notice how beneath the seeming calmness, there is a raging storm within. That, smiles often masquerade the anguish within. I see the disapproving look in your eyes, the harshness in your rebuke, and the stiffness in your gait  and I feel my insides cringe in pain. I know there will be a tomorrow, when there will be a ‘you’ and there will be a ‘me’ but ‘us’ will have to die... that day I’d lose everything, yet I will not be entitled to breaking down or to mourn. I’d have to take things in my stride.. I’d have to swallow the tears, bear the pain that would turn my insides out...while you will carry on with your life, just the way you had warned me you would, without so much as a thought about me. That day I would have to learn to live my life again and even though dull, the pain of having lost 'us' shall remain; forever.

That day I will wonder, which was better knowing that you were mine and out there somewhere but we can never be together or that we were together but that you were never mine...

A lot like Love

I don’t need fancy gifts

Need no promises of a tomorrow

I need no declaration that you’re mine!

Or I’m yours! 

Just the knowledge that you are there!

Every morning when I wake up

Your sleeping form fills me with love

Your smile brightens my day

As I kiss you awake,

I know my prayers are answered!

I feel your arms holding me close

Your grip never loosening even as you sleep

I turn and you snuggle closer to me

You whisper you love me

And I know I'm blessed!

We fight bad, you don’t talk to me

Tears stream down my face

You smile, and world is better

Once again!

Just because you are there!

The first kiss in the morning

The teasing smile and the naughty looks

Those long conversations..

Those little things you do

Makes me come closer to you...

Your possessive touch

Your affectionate ways

Your friendly jibes

Makes me feel alive

And so much more in love with you!

No hopes for tomorrow

No pains, no tears for now... only love reigns

Because today will last a lifetime!

My best friend, my love, 

You make my life worthwhile!

Each day is Valentines Day

Because you are near

Each night is a blessing

Each morning is a prayer answered!

Today, tomorrow and always!

~Happy Valentines Day~

This maddness called ME

You know me. You know how my journey of life has been. You have witnessed it all. But you donot know who this mad person is, who writers of this blog. So just for fun, here are a few funny quirks about me.

• I'm a girl who will stick post ids all over, be it my work station, my cupboard, kitchen everywhere. It ranges from quotes, reminders, things to do/buy lists
• I am a maha lists person, i make a list for everything.
• I have a thing with washing. I am forever washing, towels, linen, clothes. If I did not have a professional career I'd be a washer woman. 
• I have a huge sock fetish. I keep buying socks. I have some 100 pairs of them, of different colour and types.
• I love reading romantic novels. I end up crying secretly. 
• I cant write fiction which is not a love story.
• I am very idealistic when it comes to relationships and love.
• I talk to myself, a lot.
• I smile in my sleep
• I am a cleanliness freak
• I simply love chocolates and ice creams
• I'm overtly sentimental and get hurt very often
• I love cooking and main meri favourite hoon! :)
• I smile when thoughts come to my head, be it while walking, shopping, or even traveling. People often think I am some weirdo
• I forgive but I never forget
• I have a phoenix tattoo and I simply love it!
• I often reply memories in my head over and over again before I fall asleep
• I love babies and my insides hurt to think of the future I have chosen for myself
• All my stuff toys have names
• I love mushrooms
• I'm a complete bookworm and spent all my money buying them
• I have curly hair and I simply love it

Btw if you haven't guessed I am a Virgo... yeah that explains the freak in me no??!!

This N That

I came across this picture in a couple of blogs I was reading today and found it perfectly goes with the current mood that I am in.

Of late I am consumed with this feeling that used to persist in the early days of blogging. I wanted to, I did and I just could stop: Blogging. And I am back. I donot have something very significant to share, no poems, no gyan and no fiction. Just a thought. I began this year with vowing to break away and have a fresh start and finally I took a step towards future. I booked my tickets for going home (Bangalore). I know the journey will be beset with a lot of heartburn, pain and anguish and it will never agree with what I always believed, that I can never walk away from people I love. But I need to do this, and this one is for me, for my future and for me to have the life I deserve to have. Selfish as I may sound but for the first time in my life I am doing something that I really want to. Hope this is for the best!

Have you had random people, people you donot even know making you smile and brightening your day?? Well something just happened. I had a very busy and active day on Twitter. I had people mentioning me, talking, DMing me, adding me to groups, retweeting and I truly and completely felt alive and happy but more than which I let off a silent prayer. I am thankful for all of the activity that took place around. I felt loved and worthwhile and it was truly something!! And after a long time i believe I smiled, truly from my heart.


Okay so this post is not really going my way and its suddenly going off track. Ohh by the way did I tell you I am reading "The Immortals of Meluha" by Amish Tripathi and I have also purchased his second book, "The Secret of the Nagas". It really is interesting and well Shiva is hawwtt and what more he speaks like "Say yes dammit!" Really entertaining! But there is a story behind this book. I wanted to gift something to this friend for Christmas, but I was too pissed. But then when I received a box of chocolates as gift, I knew Id have to return the favour. You know izzat ka sawal hai and all that! So I went and got my friend "Immortals of Meluha" hoping to read it myself and I did just that and something more. I borrowed the book right back within a few days. It was like ek dheel se do nishana types!! I literally chuckled at my smartness!! After all, everyone has been recommending the book and I still hadn't read it. My friend obviously passed a snide remark that I am reading the book without consent but who cares, I surely didn't but then it happened. Due to my own carelessness I managed to spill coffee on the very book which was a gift from me. Now what? Thankfully Flipkart came to my rescue, got the same book at a discounted price and got its sequel too. So now I have a copy of my own, albiet with tea stains. And that's how I salvaged my izzat (what was remaining that is!) I think I should also make a resolution of being less clumsy this year.. what do you think? Ohh by the way, did I tell you that I had managed to almost burn my house down? O.. I just woke up one morning very sleepy, so I just went and switched on the water heater. After sometime i woke up to find fire and smoke. Even though I had switched on the heater I had forgotten to put it in the water, so the rug on which it was kept, caught fire!! YES I Know!! How careless can I be?! Yes this careless!! Really I think its time to take that oath and end this clumsiness or at least curb it?

Hope you are having a good week?

Shadow of Darkness

He got into the cab that was waiting for him just outside the airport. Settled in the cab, he pinched the bridge of his nose while loosening his tie. It had been quite a week. All this traveling to and fro was not doing anything for his health, pocket or his personal life but then it was a gamble he had to play, for as long as it lasted.

As the car sped on, his thoughts drifted to her. It had been a been a rough few weeks, he had hardly had time to be home, to talk to her, hold her and to top it off he had been extremely edgy and had snapped at her unnecessarily. Strangely she had been silent, hardly reacting and rather calm. He knew his approach hadnt been right and this time he mentally swore that he will set things right as soon as he got home! Home...funny how he kept referring to the homes he had...he suppressed a devilish chuckle, let the world think what they want, for now and as long as it lasted, home was with her. He just could wait to get home, hug her close, make love to her till exhaustion and reassure his love for her. He made a mental note to take the day off the next few days and spend quality time with her. He had to. This time unlike other times he felt something was not right. He couldn't place his finger on what it was but he had a strange restlessness that was eating him inside. 

As the car came to a stop, he stepped out and dragged his trolley behind him. Taking the keys out, he slowly climbed the stairs till he reached the door. He put the key in and turned and slowly pushed the door open. The house was in darkness. A sense of dread filled him. He hated coming back to an empty home but this was something else. He turned the light on. The house looked organized, neat and clean, just the way he liked. He took off his shoes and went to the bathroom to turn on the geyser for a nice long bath. She had stepped out he thought to himself and smiled inwardly. What a surprise it will be when she comes back and sees him.

He went to the washing machine and removed his socks and shirt and put them in. He then made his way to the cupboard to take his night clothes out. He had just opened the cupboard when he noticed the door to her cupboard slightly ajar, pushing it open he realized that her clothes, shoes, linen, books and jewellery was just not there. He turned back and looked at the dressing table, everything was intact, except that her things were not there. Her side of the nightstand did not have her regular stack of books or her charger or her glasses. He ran to the bathroom and opened the cabinet, her tooth brush was gone, so was her shampoo and other essentials. He went from the balcony, to the kitchen, opening cupboards, looking searching for one sign of her. But nothing was left. It was as if she had never been there.


Thoughts came thick and fast. Where would she be? Why had she gone?? When did she decide to leave? Why had she not told him? His head felt heavy and was ready to explode. His eyes was burning and he was hungry. But nothing mattered. She was gone! Like someone lost he went about trying to find something that would connect him to her. their photographs were gone. Her favourite mug from which she would sip her morning coffee, her collection of CDs, her books, her stuffed toy. Her arm chair wore an abandoned look, so he went and sat down holding his head on his hand. His cellphone beeped, Home calling.... he looked at the phone in an agitated way and switched it off. Tomorrow he would deal with his family, today he needed time alone.

As he walked back to the bedroom and sat down on his side of the bed he noticed the ring. It was the only that was left of her, no note, no email... he tried calling her phone but it was switched off, exhaustion and pain drained him completely, as tears brimmed his eyes. He couldn't believe that she had just gone without saying a thing. He felt angry, irritated and betrayed... How could she do this to him!! Anger boiled inside him and he tried remembering the last time he had seen her, she was standing at the door with a forlorn expression on her face but she dint say anything, she had even moved away when he moved in to hug her. Then he didnt think much, he knew he will set things right when he got back from home, maybe he should have been more sensitive... if onlys and maybes remain... As he saw the lights flicker on the wall and then darkness surround him, he knew he had lost her and this time she was gone forever and the pain was numbing but there was nothing he could do. He had always prepared her for the day he would be gone,with much resilience and stoicism but nothing had prepared him for the day he would lose her. Pain ripped him apart and guilt of what he had done to her made it difficult for him to breathe, the burden of the cross getting heavier by the minute but he knew this was his cross to bear and in a silent prayer he hoped against hope that someday she would have some love left in her to forgive him for wronging her.

The leaves of memory seemed to make
A mournful rustling in the dark

~The End~

Gajar Ka Halwa

1ngredients:

Gajaar (carrots)
Milkmaid/sugar
Cashew nuts
Raisins
Almonds
White oil
Choti Elaichi
Milk
Ghee

Grate the gajjar (carrots), squeeze the water out. Fry the gajjar in white oil, add chotti elaichi. Add a cup of milk and keep stirring till milk thickens and the entire mixture becomes pasty. Add milk maid (half a tin, taste and see if more is needed) then add cashew nuts and raisins. Add a spoonful of ghee. Before serving sprinkle almonds broken into smaller pieces. Your gajjar ka halwa is ready.

No I am not turning me blog into a food blog. Yes, I learned how to make gajjar ka halwa recently and it came out really yummy. But primarily the reason why I am writing a post on gajjar ka halwa is because our life is like Gajjar ka halwa.

No dont scratch your head yet. Let me explain. One look at the ingredients and you know the outcome is bound to be good irrespective of the order in which you place them together. Think about it, the carrots needs to be grated and reduced to shreds for it to bring out the typical flavor. The ghee needs to be melted to add to the rich aroma, the milk maid blends in to made it taste heavenly. So is life. Life is made of a lot of things, we analyze and dissect life only when things go downhill, but essentially life is full of wonderful things added in right proportion. Imagine what it would be like if you were to add more milkmaid than prescribed? Even though it tastes heavenly, too much of it makes you feel giddy. If elaichi is chewed upon it gives a bitter taste otherwise it adds to the rich smell of the  dish.

Life is not easy... no one said it would be. Sometimes its bitchy, stabs you on your back, rapes your emotions and makes your existence seem like a sham. But then a little bit of positive attitude, will power with dallops of confidence can be worthy companions in the darkest hour. If you let life get the better of you, you may sink with no hopes of surviving. So make most of the opportunities that life brings your way and use every ingredient of life to suit you in the best way possible!!

Life is what you make it... you give it a chance and it rescues you right back.

Happy New Year!!