sepia tinted pictures,

faded ink,

cob web of memories,

nostalgia revisited.

rueful smile

solitary tear,

clasped hands,

potent memories course

through the mind.

agonised heart

yearning for the loved one

far out of reach

curse of time has struck again

wait is prolonged.

for times to turn

faith is retained

for him to come back again

Away from the complexities ..
i'm truly happy and at peace.

Taking Responsibilities!

I have no idea what has gotten into me.and now i am in deep shit.last few days suddenly this new thing has possessed me and now i am in a cleaning spree..i have made lists and chosen places,cleaned wiped and totally rearranged stuff at home.not just that now i am into interior decorating MY OWN HOUSE [dad's i mean :P] dad has given his word that we ll whitewash this year and there are several changes that has to be made and i have taken them all up.mom is no longer fit enough to man the house so irritated by her comments as to how she cannot do the work and upkeep the house,i have taken the responsibility to redo it all.

i started with the kitchen.cleaned the cabinet.threw off old bottles and jars.replaced them with new and bought of 45 kilos of old news paper and with the money bought new spices container.changed the age old rags with fresh ones out of old torn bed sheets.old crockery has been replaced by new.and the junk is piled in a corner to be sold or given away. our divans [beds with space to store cloths and other items] are been cleaned too and old clothes are given away or exchanged with new utensils.table mats and table clothes are brought out.cutlery is being polished and almost truck loads of sheer rubbish is being ousted from our house.my poor mom is almost in a fit seeing her daughter ravaging through the house throwing things out and replacing old things. other plans are also being made regarding the choice of the colours being used on walls and doors and windows,fabric of curtains and their colour. and not just that the woodwork that needs to be done is being designed by me.

PHEW!this is a lot of work.something that i have never done and never allowed to.the girl who wasn't allowed in the kitchen [ i do cook at times] is now taking over;making menus and cooking breakfasts and snack and then dinner.mom has taken up the responsibility to do the lunch and the morning tea.my servant, more like a mashi[aunt,who loves me dearly] has vowed to help me,not only take care of the house from now on but also teach me my way around the kitchen and home.dad too has promised to give me the lum sum required to buy the daily needs in advance,so that i can make lists of what is required and do the needful.as if just manning the house wasn't enough,and semesters almost round the corner,my dad requires me at office.so this is what i do now days.wake up at 6.30,then a quick bath and then over tea i read my news paper.then i make breakfast for all and get prepared to go to office.then by 9 i am in office with my books spread out [its just my presence that is required.thank god for small favours! :)]its there i study till about past 2pm.dad walks in the office and i walk out straight back home.i rest and watch TV.then i make tea/ coffee and snacks for everyone and then by 6 i am back to studying...its not easy but then i am good at multi tasking..... in a way my deepest fears of not knowing house work and being rebuked by samik's mom in 5 years time,has now been quelled.so i am at peace knowing that even if in adversity i know how to manage a household.

Transformation!?

I've been missing school a quite a bit in the last few days.Its ironic to see that the girl who believed that the world out of school could not be worse now thinks school life was the best.yes,it is me i am talking about.when in school i used to think teachers were morons and studies such a charade and now the opinion has changed drastically.now studies are enjoyable and teachers great but life absolutely sucks.meeting with my closest friends from school gave me a fresh lease of life and hope to me.with them my innocence came back and the complexities that i didn't belive i had went away.it was the same old fun of giggling away to glory,talking about music books and times together.i have known them for 15 years now,that is almost more than half of my life.in these 15 years we haven't fought of had any kind of problems.many "friends" have come and gone.almost all were nice in the beginning but later on showed their true colour.

Its with them i realized how much i had changed in the past year and half,despite claiming that others had changed but not I.i discovered the things that made me smile more often.to be happy almost always.now i'm such a cynical moron.i almost never smile.i guess this is a part of growing up.but i am glad i am happy once more and that bitterness has left me and i am back to being the simpleton that i always was.with a clear mind now i can get back to studying and holidaying in full fledge.

Random

This happens so often that the irony of it all still fails to amaze me.my semesters are past approaching and here i am blogging,the addiction seems to get intense just before my exams just when i need to channelize my energies towards more important work:study.its hard to concentrate when there are several things clouding your brain.so i ll quickly rattle them off,ticking them off my list,maybe then i ll be unburdened enough to get to study.

last week was really eventful.i have been longing for months altogether for a digi-cam and finally i got it.it was probably my biggest achievement.i still cannot get out of the shock or rather a pleasant surprise.since the last few months have been awful getting the cam was definately something of a reward.now i dont have to borrow someone else's cam to take pics.it is a great liberating feeling.

on the front of college mates.i see a change in them and i smile,i marvel as to how much i pity them,now their facade seems so apparent and so fake that it is hideous.i am thankful that i am in no way like them and that i have retained of my truth self even being amidst them.somehow i feel so grateful that i have managed to clinically severe myself from them before i became one of them.even the simplest of the lot seems so complicated that it is worthless talking about the complex ones.i may sound bitter and totally repelled but at least i am true to what i feel.i require no lies to keep front.unlike what others do just to save face and draw favors later on or be among the "cooler kids".funny how hypocrisy seems to be the mantra for most these days.one should really learn the art of mincing words, examples of which are best left unsaid.tall talks but hollow inside.

hols are on and with lot of time in hand i am letting myself relax and giving enough time to myself to discover and analyze the true me.and i was "truly" happy today when i woke up this morning,when my alarm went off..and i stretched languidly to turn my cell on.sunlight streaming through the window and i did what i wanted:pull the covers up and snuggled into my pillow.on other days i would have to suppress these urges and get up forcefully because i had to attend classes but none of these things happened today.wouldn't it be better to always do what the heart desires instead of doing what one "has to"?

Okies i brought this upon myself!i liked this different TAG in ani's blog and i presented myself to be tagged too....so read on and hopefully enjoy :)

Well it goes like this:
INSTRUCTIONS:
- Comment and I'll give you a letter.
- You have to list 10 5 things you love that begin with that letter.
- Afterwards, post this in your journal.

The letter i get is "T"

• first thing that crops in my mind id TEA.i am a tea-aholic..i drink at least 3-4 cups minimum to keep me nice ,fresh and my mind untangled.
• TV- cant stay without it at 8.30pm Monday-thrusday..have to watching Dr.Armaan in Dill Mill Gayye.
• TELEPHONE or cell is another thing i an addicted to.i wake up with a call/alarm and i got to bed listening to the radio.i am absolutely handicapped without it.
• TEE's-most of the time i am comfortably dressed in a tee and faded jeans,so it is one of prerequisites for an ultimate wardrobe.
• TOOTHPASTE-is a must among my toiletries.i hate foul breath!yeww !!
  

i weave a cocoon to keep me safe,
to keep the child in me alive.
i peek about with my cynical eye to view the big bad world.
i arm myself with wisdom from years of experience.
i brace myself to wage the war with the world
and the demons in my heart.
i pour my heart and my soul
to build a new life a new world again
from broken dreams and wounded heart
and friendships gone awry....
may you be with me,hold and guide me
when i falter,rebuke me when i go wrong
and nurture me when the world around me falls apart..
be the fire always burning,
giving me strength to rise each time,
like the phoenix from the ashes
and brave the world with forces anew.

pictures

These are some among the scores of pics i had taken during the pujas..hope you have an enjoyable time going through them all.

Samik and me on shoshti

Me
My Niece:Roshni

Srimoyee and I

Sayanti and I
my mum

Daddy Cool

Ballygunj Cultural

Deshabpriyo Park

Shinghi Park

Ekdalia Evergreen
Priest during evening arati
Dhaki playing dhak
Born:my mom during her turn of doing boron

Sindur khela before bhashan

subho bijoya!

The pujas are finally over.it is Bijoya Dashami now.it seemed like the last few days i have been living in a whirlwind,i had no time to come home,seemed like forever i was up,absolutely no rest adn not complaining either,it was fun unlimited.probably it was because i was with people i value the most:my family,samik and my school friends.for once i didnt want my so called college mates around and thankfully i saw none of them and my pujas was not marred,they are a nuisance anyways.getting a digi cam definitely had its perks as i took tons of pics and some videos too,its a pity i am unable to upload them to either orkut or blogger.and now just before i write the name of the goddess on banana leaves,pujas will actually end and bijoya would formally begin.it seems like yesterday when my school friends,sayanti and srimoyee turned up on sashti.then pandal hopping dinner out and the sleep over just marked an awesome beginning to the pujas.

on Saptami it poured cats and dogs,got drenched,met up a friend and then got rid of her and went on to sayanti's place for lunch.then lots of adda and in the evening pandal hopping in salt lake.KFC's zinger burger never tasted better.then at night we snuggled up together and whispering until sleep overcame us.

Ashtami night was a night to remember.samik came and met up my folks and taking their permission we stayed out and went pandal hopping on his bike.we went from one end of the city to another,staying up all night,stopping every now and then to have coffee and shivering in the early morning chill.we spent the last few hours of the night gazing into the sky and holding hands.peering deep into each others eyes and talking volumes.for the first time in our relationship we were together all night and were watching the sun slowing peeking.it was almost 6am when samik dropped me home and it was one sad departure but an extremely necessary one,as we were both dog tired.i felt so sorry for samik who had worked for 10 hours at a stretch and then gone home changed and then again had met me up and. we both had stayed up all night.it was truly a night to remember.

Nabomi i went off to dad's office.where there were two major pandals,quite a bengali's meeting joint and its cultural heritage at its best.it was there that i spent most of my time and for the first time in my life i knew what it was and felt,to be a bengali.i saw the dhaki dancing and everyone present there from the locality and enjoying the puja to the hilt.the evening arati and the bhog in the afternoon and the band performances.what more my small time crush on this telly actor became magnified as it was his locality too and he was a very active member in the proceedings of the puja despite being a star by his own rights.one can imagine what i felt taking his video while playing the dhaki with great relish.ohh!i could have stared it him for ages.....back

back to the present,that night i spent sometime with samik,some quality time that we required to forget the pain and anguish we both through in the past months.i actually broke down having him around,for i was overwhelmed to have him all to myself.it was truly a rocky few weeks but it felt so right just sitting close,speaking nothing just feeling the warmth and love.it filled me with so much faith and strength and made me realize,for the millionth time that this relationship is worth fighting for.it was truly magical

Dashami was disheartening.it brought tears to my eye and i could just barely stop it from running down to see the trucks coming and people getting ready for bhashan [immersion of the goddess in the Ganges] past few months have been truly hard on me and i hoped dearly that things would improve now on.slowly all married ladies performed the last rituals called Boron [ where goddess is been given sweets and is given vermilion.then comes sindoor khela [putting vermillion is out on each other]it was soon time to say goodbye.i stood helpless watching feeling a strange tug.truly it was one rocking pujas this year!

SUBHO BIJOYA TO ALL!

P.S-*Pics & vedios have transferred to PC but don't know why but it cannot be uploaded.please bear with me.

Subho Saradiya..

Saradiyar Preeti o subhecha janai tomay abong tomar poribar kay!!
happy pujas to you and your family

p.s-the first pic from my digi cam