Just like that very randomly the realization came to me.
The closure that I did not know I was looking for in the first place, came to
me. I probably was hung over, over the fact that the cardinal vow that we had
for each other had been violated.
The vow: in life our equation will have to change, and if we want to be in each other’s life, we would have to make way for love to evolve into friendship.
One day you were gone without a trace. I was hurt. Hurt so bad. Hurt that it was easy for you to walk away like so, so many times before. I couldn’t forgive you! I couldn’t. I thought I had evolved and mind you gracefully at that! But not once in those counting of months that went by, or remembering and yet not caring enough to wish you on your birthday, blinking away angry tears, breaking down each time my self takes over, after one too many drinks. Not once did I think of why you did what you did. Not once did I rationalize if not parting the way we did, then what?
Today, so far away from the last time we ever spoke I realize. Maybe it was something you had to do. What else could you do? It was best for you. Now I realize there is nothing wrong in it! In your context, it is fine. You did fine. I may not have done it had it been me and lived a torn life.
The vow: in life our equation will have to change, and if we want to be in each other’s life, we would have to make way for love to evolve into friendship.
One day you were gone without a trace. I was hurt. Hurt so bad. Hurt that it was easy for you to walk away like so, so many times before. I couldn’t forgive you! I couldn’t. I thought I had evolved and mind you gracefully at that! But not once in those counting of months that went by, or remembering and yet not caring enough to wish you on your birthday, blinking away angry tears, breaking down each time my self takes over, after one too many drinks. Not once did I think of why you did what you did. Not once did I rationalize if not parting the way we did, then what?
Today, so far away from the last time we ever spoke I realize. Maybe it was something you had to do. What else could you do? It was best for you. Now I realize there is nothing wrong in it! In your context, it is fine. You did fine. I may not have done it had it been me and lived a torn life.
Fact of the matter is that I
choose. Choose to be happy. To live a normal life which did not and would never
have you. Even if I got a miraculous chance, I know I would not go back to our
life ever! Then why did I want you to keep your promise? I was selfish after
all. I did not evolve with time or changing relationships to realize the
different roles you play as a part of your current reality. I play these new
roles too. I was childish and quite naive! But today I truly let go! I will not
promise I have healed completely, but I will try some more to move ahead
completely not looking back.
I choose to forgive you
Forgive me
And essentially forgive
Our love
That used to be.
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