Wait

I have felt a lot of things, anger, heartbreak, disillusionment but I have never known sadness; quite like this before. There is a resignation that things are going down the hill and you can do nothing about it. Do you fortify yourself or do you just give yourself some more to make things work that is not working out.

It is so funny how history is repeating itself. A few years back, summer was here, with a lot of life changing times, I stood there seeing things crumble down right in front of me. Here I am in a life that is mine but I am seeing my marriage get broken down bit by bit, being unloved, unwanted as I furiously try and stay afloat for myself. Feelings have refused to come, remorse and repentance takes the centre stage. Would my life have been any different had I been on my own, living for myself?

I am drowning myself and my sorrows in whatever that can bring some peace and solace to my life. Be it books, travel, stepping out with friends, anything that would help me cope, to divert my mind from how things are turning out to be. May be it is my doing and I brought it on me with my sorry existence! I have stopped even questioning it.

The wait is endless, for clarity. Will it be an end or a new beginning?